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Post by mypaintbrushes on Mar 6, 2018 14:48:34 GMT -5
Suppose you and I met on a blind date. By the end of the date, you know rbe following: - I have two marriages - My kid has special needs - I’m from a HIGHLY dysfunctional family and have no idea what is happening with my older siblings (or, really, my dad’s entire side) - Both my relationships put me behind the financial 8 ball significantly BUT... - I’m educated, have a great, stable job and make enough to support myself - I am active in the community and have befriended a variety of people - My kid is a highly talented musician and does well in school - Mom's side of the family is awesome - I love sex Would my pluses negate alllllll my baggage for you, or no? Hypothetical question.  |
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Post by hopingforachange on Mar 6, 2018 15:07:23 GMT -5
Suppose you and I met on a blind date. By the end of the date, you know rbe following: - I have two marriages - My kid has special needs - I’m from a HIGHLY dysfunctional family and have no idea what is happening with my older siblings (or, really, my dad’s entire side) - Both my relationships put me behind the financial 8 ball significantly BUT... - I’m educated, have a great, stable job and make enough to support myself - I am active in the community and have befriended a variety of people - My kid is a highly talented musician and does well in school - Mom's side of the family is awesome - I love sex Would my pluses negate alllllll my baggage for you, or no? Hypothetical question. How good is the sex? |
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Mar 6, 2018 15:09:13 GMT -5
I guess it depends on whether you’re into the same thing or not.  |
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Post by bballgirl on Mar 6, 2018 15:22:30 GMT -5
I don't see any of that as baggage or negative they are just the circumstances of the life you have lived and the hand you have been dealt. I think that a lot of times the things that are difficult in our life help us to be better people.
As far as the positives list - all great!
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Post by hopingforachange on Mar 6, 2018 15:44:20 GMT -5
The 2 divorces would be my biggest red flag, but would want to know why they happened and if you were the cause, that you got your shit together. It wouldn't stop me from going on a second date.
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Post by northstarmom on Mar 7, 2018 7:26:50 GMT -5
Some people definitely would not date you. Is that a good enough thing reason to continue being married to a man who uses you — including financially — and obviously doesn’t care about your needs?
Getting out of the marriage could give you the spacec to improve your financial situation and confidence instead of constantly battling to see yourself as worthy since your h doesn’t.
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Post by Dan on Mar 9, 2018 23:51:02 GMT -5
Let's see.... in this hypothetical situation, you've had two marriages... and two divorces... Given your track record of picking men to stay with, I guess I would have to question our long term viability if you liked me, and respect you enough to date you if you didn't... Or something like that! |
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Post by Dan on Mar 9, 2018 23:55:33 GMT -5
Suppose you and I met on a blind date. By the end of the date, you know rbe following: - I have two marriages - My kid has special needs - I’m from a HIGHLY dysfunctional family and have no idea what is happening with my older siblings (or, really, my dad’s entire side) - Both my relationships put me behind the financial 8 ball significantly BUT... - I’m educated, have a great, stable job and make enough to support myself - I am active in the community and have befriended a variety of people - My kid is a highly talented musician and does well in school - Mom's side of the family is awesome - I love sex Would my pluses negate alllllll my baggage for you, or no? Hypothetical question. The "negatives" are DEFINITELY NOT disqualifications. Take the opposite of all those -- brilliant kid, highly functional family, and rich -- but if you are selfish or a drama queen or mean or don't know how to listen: THAT would be a problem! And: all your positives sound great to me! |
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Post by baza on Mar 10, 2018 0:22:22 GMT -5
Suppose you and I met on a blind date. By the end of the date, you know rbe following: - I have two marriages - My kid has special needs - I’m from a HIGHLY dysfunctional family and have no idea what is happening with my older siblings (or, really, my dad’s entire side) - Both my relationships put me behind the financial 8 ball significantly BUT... - I’m educated, have a great, stable job and make enough to support myself - I am active in the community and have befriended a variety of people - My kid is a highly talented musician and does well in school - Mom's side of the family is awesome - I love sex Would my pluses negate alllllll my baggage for you, or no? Hypothetical question. In this hypothetical blind date - Some people are going to quite like you Some people are going to be mildly interested in you Some people are going to be mildly disinterested in you Some people are going to be quite disinterested in you And for your part, same applies in your view of them. As a hypothetical blind dater here, there's insufficient data to form any meaningful conclusions - and besides, from the other angle, YOUR angle, if you heard my history in full, you would likely have bolted for the door before dessert even hit the table. |
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Mar 10, 2018 22:46:15 GMT -5
I appreciate the replies. I’ve been largely ignored since coming home from vacation over a week ago. Starting to think I would do well to accept that I have no luck with guys... I do, however, have lots of luck making friends!
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Post by northstarmom on Mar 11, 2018 8:58:57 GMT -5
Your “no luck with guys” has to do with whom you choose to be with.
You choose to be with a man who treats you like crap.
It’s very likely — given the billions of people-that there are men who’d treat you well and would be delighted to be with you despite your baggage. However, your clinging to a terrible marriage, your having radar to find men who are abusive or indifferent, and your viewing yourself as being worthy of crumbs are drastically lowering your chances of being with a good man.
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Post by surfergirl on Mar 22, 2018 12:27:07 GMT -5
We all have baggage. It's whether or not you're hauling it around as a carry-on or if you checked it at the baggage-claim and then walked.
I know people with significantly "smaller" stories than my own, and they are non-functioning. It's not what happens to you; it's how you respond to what happens to you.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 26, 2018 23:15:04 GMT -5
if I was single again.......
I am 57 and retired. A woman who is raising any kids is out of the question. I know a single guy my age who tells me that it is hard to find a woman who is not raising her grandchildren. I never had kids.
Education is a must..
Financial security is important too. I would want a woman who could support me.
I am only kidding, but would she want me to support her?
Hard to find anyone without baggage. It has been hard to find someone without baggage since age 25. Life is complicated and get worse as we get older. Parents die. Teeth disappear, body wears out, mind wears out...
You would not be in my dating range, but I guess you are much younger also. I would prefer a woman in my age range....
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