Was it an amicable or contentious split?

Mine was a bit of a mix Sister choosinghappy .

I had had one abortive attempt at leaving in March 2009.
It fell over badly, because I was not as prepared as I needed to be.

By October 2009 I was very well prepared and one word in an otherwise innocuous conversation blew the whole thing up there and then.
It was quite acrimonious initially for the first couple of weeks, abusive phone calls, texts and the like.

Wiser heads prevailed when we got down to the financial split, and in fact we worked through that pretty well. We had been good financial partners during our marriage, (but that was about all we were good at as a couple).

And, after we had split, I still used to visit the kids (and her) every 4 to 6 weeks and indeed used to stay at the old marital abode - at her invitation - when I visited.
Our post split relationship ended up being pretty solid, being based on reality - co-parents of two kids (one still a minor back then) who were once married.

So mine was both acrimonious in part, and amicable in the longer term.
That was pretty much as I expected, though I was none too confident about things cooling down as quick as they did.

I think that you, Sister choosinghappy , have these two probabilities ahead of you.
Scenario #1 - your spouse being at heart, a jerk.
If that's the case then he will behave like a jerk and you'll have an acrimonious split and a very lively and disjointed time ahead as regards the financial split and co-parenting.
Scenario #2 - your spouse being at heart, a reasonable bloke.
If that's the case, you can look forward to some anger/fear driven acrimony early on, then a calmer more rational attitude from him as regards the financial split and co-parenting issues.

"Reasonable bloke" or "jerk" ?
You know him best.
He is highly unlikely to "change his spots" in the aftermath of the split.
If he's a reasonable bloke, he'll likely still be after the smoke has cleared.
If he's a jerk, that will be highly likely to still be the case afterward.

I had an amicable split. At first the fur flew but after that initial blast of fury we settled into getting down to the business of disbanding our home. I kept my pension etc and he kept his. There is no support, we split the equity in the home 50/50 although he has chosen to continue living there. We lived together as roommates for almost 8 months post separation because I was unable to find a place. It wasn't hard for me as our marriage was a roommate deal anyways by that point. We continue on now as dear old friends. He's encouraging of my life post separation and I am if his. We had 29 years together. I am not willing to throw out all the good with the bad. Life rolls on. Oh and BTW for those that don't know my back story. My husband was the refuser for 14 years and was the one who asked for the divorce.

Everyone gets contentious at some point. Pretty much. When I was starting the process some friends (both divorced) told me there would be times I wouldn't recognise myself, let alone him. But if he values money more than spite, you'll be ok.

For me it was both. We had no kids btw. Legally it ended up being amicable. We did our own division of property and assets and debts. And then we both signed paperwork which my attorney then filed. I was concerned that he would try to go after me for spousal support. And I'm sure he was concerned I would attempt to stick him with some of my student loans or take the truck. We really didn't have many marital assets or any debts so division was pretty easy. We did have a dispute initially over the puppy and the cat. But he couldn't take the puppy since i set it up that he was mostly paid for with money my mother gifted me. So he tried to come after the cat and I was fighting him on that. My now husband, who was a mutual friend at the time, basically stepped in and put him in his place.
Outside of legal stuff, it was not amicable. He got nasty. He badmouthed me to everyone he could and tried to isolate me from everyone. He cut off all but 2 people who chose to remain friends with me and I lost most people from this. I still say I should not have taken a high road and did what he did to me as soon as ink was dry. I'm also think that he tried to poison my cat. If we were to run into each other now, I know I'd be getting a stink eye from him and a claim that I'm stalking or trying to harass him. From my side I think he's a dirtbag and wish for him to feel as miserable as he made me feel.

I think when you say was it amicable or contentious, it is important to break it out to the two main areas of contention. Kids and money.

In mine, on the money side, I kept things pretty amicable. At the same time I told her we would be getting divorced, I also gave her a small USB drive that had all of our financials on it. Mortgage statements, banking statements, retirement accounts, kids college accounts, etc...

Each of these had not only the statements, but also the login information for her to verify for herself. I did this because she was going to get this information in the end anyway and I was going to great lengths to show I wasn't hiding anything. I also did this before I had a lawyer, and it could have backfired on me terribly, but it didn't. I took a chance, knowing her and trusting that she wouldn't do anything stupid.

Sometime during the process, she consulted the prestigious law firm of Facebook, family, and friends and decided that she deserved 55% of the loot and I deserved 45% of the loot. Her reasoning is that I make more money than she does. She suggested we just let "the lawyers sort it out".

Again, armed with spreadsheets, I explained to her that I had some gift money I had put into the pot (to the tune of $60k). I calmly explained to her that if I were to take the gift money off the table then the pie would shrink accordingly. She might get 55% (to do so she would basically have to prove I abused her or some such), but the total dollars would be less.

I then explained to her that if I ever heard the words "55%" or "let our lawyers sort it out" come out of her mouth again then we will go with that option immediately. I made a great effort to be fair and generous and she got greedy. I basically used a carrot as a stick. From that point on money issues proceeded amicably.

On the subject of kids, in Texas, she has the law on her side. Here, they pretty much assume that a father is just a penis with a paycheck. The standard practice allows me "possession" of the kids every 1st, 3rd, 5th weekend from Friday at 6PM until Sunday at 6PM. I also am given the honor of dinner every Thursday night for 2 hours.

I have been an active parent with my kids since they were young. I coach. I teach. I play. I don't just do the "fun" stuff, but also do the hard / boring stuff. I've taught them how to cook, do laundry, and clean their rooms. Mom? Not so much.

However, she has a golden uterus and the law on her side. My suggestion of we share custody one week with each of us alternating was met with immediate and intense attack. She told me that she would fight me if I wanted anything more than the standard (spittle actually came out of her mouth as she said the word fight).

In the end, the best I could get is what's called epanded standard possession. I get the kids every 1st 3rd 5th weekend starting on Friday and get them all night Thursday. I also have them that Friday and get them to school the following Monday. This means that I don't see them for a week, but when I do see them, I get them more time than I would otherwise.

For me to get more, I'd basically have to prove she is a crackhead and she doesn't have that particular fault. So it was the best compromise I coudld get, and I didn't have to send my kids to social workers to pick between mom and dad. In retrospect, I am not sure I shouldn't have fought, but I probably did make the right decision in the end.

Custody since then? Mixed. She holds up the divorce decree every time she can and only when I started holding it back at her did she start following her end. Basically, she's an asshole. But that's what happens during divorce. She doesn't tell me about anything regarding the kids (especially for school), and wants that realm all to herself still.

So rather than amicable, I'd put the kids stuff more on a cold war status. My kids are older, though, so in a little more than a year my daughter will be graduated. In 4 years, my son will be out of the house. I will do what I can to keep teaching them the lessons they need to know and be as big a part of their lives as I can.

Short form: Money is amicable. Kids is cold war.

Mine has been very amicable. The first couple of months it was strained but we were being nice to each other. Since then (I moved out in September) it has gotten progressively more relaxed. We haven't gone through divorcing or splitting assets yet, but we have talked about it and are pretty much on the same page so I am optimistic we can keep it going. And so far I think we are doing OK on the kid front as well. We have one son and live only about 4 streets apart. That makes things very easy but we also don't drive past each other's houses. During school holidays we swapped every few days, depending on what was going on. I spent Christmas at her sister's house (2 nights - it was fine for us but I think it made things a bit hard for my son). And during term time we are swapping weekends and then he stays at her place during the week and I go round most days and either make breakfast and take him to school or cook dinner and put him to bed.

The other bridge we haven't crossed yet is me dating someone else. I am, but I haven't told her and I get the impression she is consciously not going anywhere near the subject. I am guessing that is going to be difficult, but I hope we can get through it.

Things that I think have helped are:
I pushed counselling for a long time before we split. And I kept saying 'I want this to work but I need sex and intimacy'. Not getting angry and threatening to leave, or even making it her fault. In fact I was quite sympathetic to how she felt about sex and physicality and intimacy. But making it clear that I wasn't happy and wasn't willing to settle for what we had. Eventually it got to the point where she just said 'I can't do this any more', and I think that made it much more of a mutual process and a mutual awareness that our relationship wasn't working.
I make most of the money (and control our businesses), and am being more than reasonable when it comes to supporting her while she gets her work back on track. In some ways this is a big advantage for me, since it leaves me in the more powerful position. She was quite fearful and scared about being ripped off when we were first splitting and I suspect spent too much time reading horror stories on the internet. But now I think she is more comfortable in knowing that my intentions are good and she is not going to get scammed and left with nothing.
We both want what is best for our son, and we had a lot of conversations before we split talking about how important that is. And since splitting up, if there is an issue, it comes back to what is best for him.

In my case, I still like my ex. Right now we are friendly, but not that close. There are still emotional raw spots which we skirt around. And it is not helped by the fact that we haven't crossed the 'dating' bridge yet so there is lots going on in my life that is hard to talk openly about. But I hope as time goes on we might get closer again and be good friends. Naive, maybe, but I am going to try.

Mostly amicable.
A few harsh words but nothing major.
I don't get my daughter as much as I'd like, nor as much as I would if I put in a custody claim but I'm working on that.
Either she will let me
Have reasonable time or it will eventually end up between lawyers but the ice looks like it's slowly thawing so I'll keep on that path for now.
Money....she kept saying a court would give her most of our assets....
I think a reasonable expectation of a legal settlement would be that she ends up with 60-70% but she was wanting 80 plus.
Ain't gonna happen and I've willingly given her around 75% in the knowledge that 25% of everything is better than 40-50% of what's left after the lawyers take their share....but if she kick up I've got 12 months after divorce date to file for a legal determination of asset split based on what we had at separation.

Waiting for the 12 months to be up so I can file the divorce.
She won't fight it but she's made it clear she won't pay the costs either. She has no intention of another relationship any time soon and doesn't care if she's married on paper or not. If I want the certificate I'll have to pay the $800 fee, which I will.

We get along better now we aren't together, and so far are almost always quite civil.