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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 20, 2018 10:24:14 GMT -5
I am making my final requests for summer vacation and hollidays in our "family plan" for the divorce.
personally I want one week on , one week off. let the holidays land where they may. We can celebrate around them. The reality is that my teens are old enough that holidays matter little to them anymore. What matters is there work schedule and seeing their friends.
Mothers day and Fathers day are celebrated with a card or nothing.
Easter is a morning at church.
Birthdays are normally school days with work and homework.
Christmas is over in an hour and everyone goes about their own business.
Summer vacations never happen. getting an extra week of the kids means not seing them for three weeks, or having them for three weeks.
it's all uncharted waters for me.
Would love some feed back from those who have been there.
I spoke to my daughters and they aren't interested in being forced to spend 3 hrs. on a birthday with mom or dad, or a week or two days. They just like one week on and one week off.
I'll be sending a similar email to my attorney.
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Post by bballgirl on Feb 20, 2018 11:47:37 GMT -5
It's stated in our divorce decree the school nights who has what custody and that can be the one week on and one week off, then Mother's/ Father's Day they spend with that parent. Thanksgiving is mine for odd years, he gets Christmas Even years I get Christmas and he gets Thanksgiving
All of this should be stated in the divorce decree.
It's about 5 days out of 365 that are a special holiday
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 20, 2018 12:03:31 GMT -5
Holidays just seem to be more for when the kids where "kids". Even though we all live together, 2/3 of the kids are grown and practically on their own.
It just seems like more of a power grab/control issue. If I, and the 2 remaining teens have to tolerate it ,so be it. I hesitate and wonder if it's worth debating (more of my passive training).
I don't have a crystal ball but I don't see it changing much in the next 3 to 5 yrs that remain. I have been told " your teens are going to want to stay with you more, and they do get a say in it as they get older."
I can only dream that "eventually" I would be with someone else who would want to be with the teens during a holiday. That would be my only reason.
The odd year - even year, sounds doable, or just skip the whole thing ! Sadly the distance has grown wider during teen years, work, school, friends, and the tension from the divorce.
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Post by bballgirl on Feb 20, 2018 12:43:58 GMT -5
You can put whatever works in the decree.
I think we have it that whoever has Thanksgiving also gets Spring Break with the kids and it can be stated that the Summer get divided however you like.
It can be stated that a vacation in the Summer needs to be given 30 days notice if you want to take the kids away.
My exH and I were very agreeable and flexible.
We are back together now so none of this is an issue but at least the legalities are in place if this doesn't work out. A divorce is what the parents make of it, mine was easy and amicable but knowing your wife things will always be a challenge when it comes to the kids until they are grown adults and no longer rely on both of you.
State as much as possible in the divorce decree.
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 22, 2018 10:40:35 GMT -5
I met with my attorney yesterday and we added the 30 day notice to an extra week for summer vacation.
I mentioned how little we really do for holidays now that the kids are teens. How they are busy with work, and school.
It's interesting how an attorney looks at things (knows things) versus what you and I would consider okay, or normal.
For instance mothers and fathers day. I'd be just as happy to celebrate it late. It's not needed. My attorney said " You should not eliminate that. That makes you look really bad and heartless before a judge." She then went on to say "Birthdays and mothers day, if the teens don't want to go she really can't force them to. If they have school, work, homework,etc... it's not going to happen, but you need to leave it in there".
I then asked, "what about my 17 yr. old, does he get to speak to the judge and have any say in who he want's to stay with?" my attorney said, " in reality if he wants to spend the night and not go to her house, there's not much she can do about it. Once the parenting plan is finally settled on, there isn't any reason for the teens to talk with the judge, that's the only reason they need to speak with the judge."
That's going to be interesting to see how all of that plays out in the future. I ask myself " why even have a 'parenting plan' if it has no teeth?"
One bright side is ,once the parenting plan is finally agreed upon that saves almost an entire day in court. 100% of the plan is what I ( and my attorney) proposed from the beginning. It's just CRAZY that it took my W. 4 attorneys, and 20 months later to come full circle!
All this, just to break free. Just more re-enforcement of all the manipulation, and all the control that I tolerated.
I'm looking forward to sending out a big THANK YOU on here come D-day!
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