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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 21, 2018 5:29:24 GMT -5
LinkedIn is one of few social media forums where everyone posts their actual picture. So, some of the more attractive women there find themselves getting hit on. I’ve seen more than one post asking men not to use it to ask for dates. My STBX and I are both on LinkedIn. I don't know how to use it. My W. gets men posting to her all the time. It's always other electrical engineers, and work related. And yet no men in her life. She works in a mostly male dominated career. It just helps confirm that work is her priority and identity. Marriage, sex/intimacy rank on the bottom. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2018 9:51:36 GMT -5
OK, here’s the sequel: Yesterday, bookstore guy accepted my LinkedIn request.
I think what happened was this: while in the bookstore, we talked about not only his divorce, but also about a few work matters. Since I’ve worked with IT people for about 20 years - and since it seems 3/4 of the population works in IT - I frequently get into work conversations with people I’ve just met.
He was the first one to mention LinkedIn, so I followed his lead.
This reminds me a little of the time when I was still doing online dating, and something similar happened. Because it was an online dating site, I asked the guy, “Are you hitting on me or trying to hire me?”
I thought it was humorous - just an adventure in online dating, right?
Now I’m beginning to wonder, though.....if a man and I get into a conversation about work, does that make him see me less as a woman and more as a professional contact?
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Post by northstarmom on Feb 21, 2018 10:58:43 GMT -5
Men who are interested in dating ask for my name and phone number.
Men who want professional info connect with me on linked in typically after getting my business card or meeting me in a professional setting. I have never been hit on via LinkedIn. Maybe it’s something younger or more socially awkward people do but it seems inappropriate to do on a site oriented for career contacts.
If one wants to be found by potential suitors who have met you professionally, I suggest having a FB with your real name and picture and city. At least have that info public.
I know you are concerned about creepy people tracking you down. My experience with having a FB with my real name and picture is it has helped many old friends and people with useful info or information connect with me who otherwise might not have been able to. If I were trying to date, I think it would be a plus including by weeding out men who are not what I want.
I’m not suggesting it as a way to meet total strangers,. That would be a mistake. It is useful in reconnecting with people you may have met at a party, conference, etc.
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Post by DryCreek on Feb 21, 2018 11:19:58 GMT -5
Now I’m beginning to wonder, though.....if a man and I get into a conversation about work, does that make him see me less as a woman and more as a professional contact? Personally, it depends very much on how the conversation gets steered. If it's "We've got these work things in common", that's not a deterrent. But if the conversation never deviated from work topics, I'd take it as a sign that she was only interested in being a business contact. A big clue would be if I tried to change the subject but she kept pulling it back to career talk. (Though there is also the possibility that in his case it's just the subject he's most comfortable discussing.) Not that my dating advice is worth a hill of beans, but I'd try the non-subtle approach of literally saying "What's your dating status? Want to grab a cup of coffee?" in one breath / note, and see if that conversation can be successful with mostly non-career content. If it leads to a social activity, swap FB links and explore further. FWIW, DC |
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Feb 21, 2018 13:50:50 GMT -5
Now I’m beginning to wonder, though.....if a man and I get into a conversation about work, does that make him see me less as a woman and more as a professional contact? Like anything, it depends. On context. If I met a woman socially and she asked about work, I would take it as a sign of interest, but not necessarily the professional kind. Unless we met socially at a work conference or an event somehow related to work. Then it would require a little more digging. On the other hand, way in the past, I have had women make conversation about work topics but clearly interested in something else. I almost dont remember those days :-))) Then there are some that are incredibly charming but really just want to stick to work topics. So it depends. |
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Post by Dan on Feb 21, 2018 15:27:29 GMT -5
Men who are interested in dating ask for my name and phone number. @smartkat : Men are all different. I never was part of the bar scene. So not only have I never asked a woman for her phone number in a bar, I've never done it ANYWHERE following a first-time face-to-face encounter in public. And I am not a shy person! I'm not saying I couldn't learn to do it.... I'm just saying THIS man's default is "respect a stranger's privacy" and don't ask such things. So if the woman is waiting for me to ask, and I'm being polite by not asking... well, what can I say other than sometimes at least ONE of you has to take a chance. I think you sending two messages over on LinkedIn in the first week, and then a possibly one or two more (increasing time between transmissions) is FINE. IMO, defaulting to tech talk does NOT indicate he "only sees you as a potential professional contact". Talking about work is a safe, common, neutral ice breaker. (BTW, while "what do you do?" is a very common ice breaker in America, I understand it is much less so in Europe. So talk about "futbol" with that hunky Spanish guy over in Starbucks...) So, no, please DON'T assume you were knocked out of the "maybe date" zone because the topics included tech. Since he DID give you a way to reach him, that means he is open to contact via THAT medium or site. You have NO IDEA what kind of contact/friendship he might be interested in until you, you know, contact him. IMO, "future social contact" is not prohibited just because he gave you his LinkedIn info. The only way to see if he is interested... is to try contacting him. I'm with DryCreek on this: but I'd try the non-subtle approach of literally saying "What's your dating status? Want to grab a cup of coffee?" in one breath / note, and see if that conversation can be successful with mostly non-career content. If it leads to a social activity, swap FB links and explore further. AND this: Not that my dating advice is worth a hill of beans, And if those ideas don't work, keep a look out for a sale on one of these. |
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Post by baza on Feb 21, 2018 17:09:42 GMT -5
Sister @smartkat .
I am trying to follow the logic that a bloke who you met in a book store and contacted on Linkdin would therefore most likely only be interested in a professional relationship.
And I am not seeing the logic in that.
Any more than meeting someone at a Star Trek convention might mean that that the person would only be interested in you as a hiking companion.
I don't think the "where" you met someone is necessarily much of a guide to anything in particular.
It's "the next bit" (if there is a next bit) that starts giving you some clues about the persons intent.
This bloke may yet have a major role to play in your future, or a limited role, or a minor role, or no role at all.
The jury is still out.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 22, 2018 13:07:56 GMT -5
I have always believed what Dan pointed out: work is a very common topic in the U.S. with people you’ve just met or people you don’t know very well. While we were talking about his divorce, he mentioned that he and his STBX had only a month ago told their kids and physically separated. So he may not be ready for much yet. He may not even have gotten into a conversation with me, if I hadn’t spoken to him. All because I wanted to give him some positive reinforcement for looking at self-help and relationship books! |
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Post by northstarmom on Feb 22, 2018 13:48:50 GMT -5
I would not view as a current prospect a man separated only one month from his wife and kids. He has a lot to go through and figure out before being ready to date.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 22, 2018 16:19:17 GMT -5
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Post by DryCreek on Feb 22, 2018 21:08:05 GMT -5
@smartkat, time for that old standby, the bookmark.
If you don't think it too awkward, plan to check in with him in a couple months, see where things are, and see if there's anything to explore then. Maybe even telling him as much.
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Post by saarinista on Feb 24, 2018 2:48:29 GMT -5
I would not view as a current prospect a man separated only one month from his wife and kids. He has a lot to go through and figure out before being ready to date. Maybe, but it couldn't hurt for @smartkat to keep in touch and see what develops. Who knows? Maybe he's been dying to get out for years and is ready for action! Or at least coffee. In any event, it sounds like smartkat is attracted so I'd bee a bit assertive if I were her from what I'm reading. The worst that can happen is that she'll have a good new business contact and that never hurts, right? Also, I would not read anything into his responding to the LinkedIn contact request either I hardly ever check my account (though I should) and he may be the same. In summary, I say, if you like somebody, give it a go. It might work out, it might not. Just keep moving forward, I say. |
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Post by LEXUS46 on Feb 25, 2018 1:12:18 GMT -5
I wouldn’t read to much into him being non responsive. He maybe weeding through his own ‘junk’ and it’s just not the right timing ..,,,
I’m sure he will ping you when it’s least expected. That’s usually what happens:).
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Post by Caris on Feb 25, 2018 11:40:15 GMT -5
Men who are interested in dating ask for my name and phone number. Men who want professional info connect with me on linked in typically after getting my business card or meeting me in a professional setting. I have never been hit on via LinkedIn. Maybe it’s something younger or more socially awkward people do but it seems inappropriate to do on a site oriented for career contacts. If one wants to be found by potential suitors who have met you professionally, I suggest having a FB with your real name and picture and city. At least have that info public. I know you are concerned about creepy people tracking you down. My experience with having a FB with my real name and picture is it has helped many old friends and people with useful info or information connect with me who otherwise might not have been able to. If I were trying to date, I think it would be a plus including by weeding out men who are not what I want. I’m not suggesting it as a way to meet total strangers,. That would be a mistake. It is useful in reconnecting with people you may have met at a party, conference, etc. I agree with you, although my paradigm for dating is almost 30-years out of date, and I know it’s changed, so my experience my not be valid for present day. Every man I dated, or started a relationship with, let it be known to me that they were interested in me, either by asking me out or asking for my phone number. In essence, they pursued me, except for one who I met from a personal ad in the newspaper. I responded to the ad, we met, and ended up in a 2-year relationship. Having no recent experience in dating or men, I have no idea how it works, but for me, I’m still old school. I will never pursue a man. In my mind, if he wants me, he has to show interest in me. If he’s the kind of guy that likes a woman to ask him, then he’s not for me. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 25, 2018 12:57:40 GMT -5
I will do something or say something to show interest in a man - but if the man doesn’t reciprocate in kind, I stop bugging him. If the ball is in his court, I leave it there.
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