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Post by smilin61 on May 18, 2016 9:59:00 GMT -5
ggold . I am very fortunate that my sexless marriage did not contain the acrimony that some have expressed here. But yet a marriage devoid of emotion is not a marriage either. Do you remember the movie The Breakfast Club? At one point in the movie all the kids were sitting around talking about their home lives and Allison (Ally Sheedy) ( I was the male version in high school, but I digress) described what her parents do to her with the phrase that's stuck in my head all these years: "they ignore me." That was my married life the last few years. We elevated to an art form staying out of each other's space. Sometimes I would actually wish my ex and I hated each other. That would have made it so much easier to leave. But, in the end, the emotional connection was not there, which meant the sex was not there, and even though we were both ideal roommates, it was friendship and not a marriage. But I also understand about the tipping point. I needed to get to the point where the uncertainty of the unknown was less of a risk than the emotional void of the known. You will likely be there one day, but only you will know. And it is a bitch to arrive at that conclusion, and another form of hell altogether when you first leave the marriage. But, as I'm coming up soon on a year out, there is also life after sexless marriage as well.
samedeepwater- like the hit of a tuning fork in my bones....
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Post by unmatched on May 18, 2016 17:35:27 GMT -5
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Post by samedeepwater on May 19, 2016 9:24:07 GMT -5
ggold . I am very fortunate that my sexless marriage did not contain the acrimony that some have expressed here. But yet a marriage devoid of emotion is not a marriage either. Do you remember the movie The Breakfast Club? At one point in the movie all the kids were sitting around talking about their home lives and Allison (Ally Sheedy) ( I was the male version in high school, but I digress) described what her parents do to her with the phrase that's stuck in my head all these years: "they ignore me." That was my married life the last few years. We elevated to an art form staying out of each other's space. Sometimes I would actually wish my ex and I hated each other. That would have made it so much easier to leave. But, in the end, the emotional connection was not there, which meant the sex was not there, and even though we were both ideal roommates, it was friendship and not a marriage. But I also understand about the tipping point. I needed to get to the point where the uncertainty of the unknown was less of a risk than the emotional void of the known. You will likely be there one day, but only you will know. And it is a bitch to arrive at that conclusion, and another form of hell altogether when you first leave the marriage. But, as I'm coming up soon on a year out, there is also life after sexless marriage as well.
samedeepwater - like the hit of a tuning fork in my bones....
And that's what it's all about Charlie Brown. I think we all know what we need to do. But it's hard to jump out of a plane. You're 99% sure your parachute will open, but there's that 1% that still holds you back. I didn't end up a bloody spot on the ground, and I'm 99% sure you won't either. |
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Post by greatcoastal on May 19, 2016 11:08:10 GMT -5
My husband and I do not really go out together alone much. It was about 1 1/2 hr drive. We had minimal conversation. It all seemed strained. Just small talk. I debated about bringing up our situation since no kids were around. Decided against it as it would have ruined my evening. He cannot have fun, barely smiles. I have a new name for a ILIASM, (NCSOMP) Non-Comunicative Sharing of Material Possessions. Roommates and business partners are better than that, they communicate, reach agreements, compromise, actually laugh together. i can share with you four main things that ruin any chances of reconciliation. ( for me personally ) in the order they happened. 1) we can't afford it 2) too tired 3) your talk is just useless drivel 4) I have detached myself from you. who want's to spend time with that? On a side note, I told her, " you talk I will listen" the most boring three sentence dinners I have ever had! they are no where near as depressed as we are. Refuses are quiet content in there stable little environment, getting there selfish needs met. |
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Post by greatcoastal on May 19, 2016 11:21:28 GMT -5
I could remember the last few years of my marriage when his parents came down there was an obligatory date night. The last year or two we both stopped going because it was not enjoyable. Reminds me of a few months back when my wife's family dropped in to take grandma out for lunch. I sat in the back seat while my wife drove and her mother sat up front. Long into her conversation my mother-in-law turned around and asked, " so what's new with you GC?" I said, " oh I am just here to Cary the luggage". She said, " that's good!" And went on babbling about herself. The apple does not fall far from the tree! |
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Post by ggold on May 19, 2016 12:22:03 GMT -5
My husband and I do not really go out together alone much. It was about 1 1/2 hr drive. We had minimal conversation. It all seemed strained. Just small talk. I debated about bringing up our situation since no kids were around. Decided against it as it would have ruined my evening. He cannot have fun, barely smiles. I have a new name for a ILIASM, (NCSOMP) Non-Comunicative Sharing of Material Possessions. Roommates and business partners are better than that, they communicate, reach agreements, compromise, actually laugh together. OMG greatcoastal, you nailed it. I enjoy going to work to be with my colleagues. I can chat with complete strangers at concerts, at the grocery store, etc., and have a blast with my friends. Don't get me wrong, we can communicate when it comes to the kids and small stuff. When it comes to our relationship, forget it! I don't know how I could be married for 22 years and feel as if I really do not know him on many levels. |
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Post by greatcoastal on May 19, 2016 13:19:55 GMT -5
I have a new name for a ILIASM, (NCSOMP) Non-Comunicative Sharing of Material Possessions. Roommates and business partners are better than that, they communicate, reach agreements, compromise, actually laugh together. OMG greatcoastal , you nailed it. I enjoy going to work to be with my colleagues. I can chat with complete strangers at concerts, at the grocery store, etc., and have a blast with my friends. Don't get me wrong, we can communicate when it comes to the kids and small stuff. When it comes to our relationship, forget it! I don't know how I could be married for 22 years and feel as if I really do not know him on many levels. Glad to be of service! Our communication about kids and the small stuff, has reached an all time low. I call her out on her controlling behavior, criticize it, question it, confront it, so she avoids it. She wants me to be the decision maker then she critiques, confronts, and questions the way I handle things. I am not saying that I don't make mistakes, that there are not better ways. But when the end results are achieved by 95 percent the way I handled it to begin with, it just shows that it is definitely a control issue. focusing totally on family first, while themarriage relationship was left on life support unattended,killed our marriage. She remains blind to that. |
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Post by ggold on May 19, 2016 15:19:41 GMT -5
I'm printing this out! May come in handy! |
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