Relational Aggression :Is it a trap for men?

h - I'm from the US, but I live in the UK. Divorce law in the UK is pretty similar to many states in the US. Both are common law systems so criminal law has a lot of similarities, too - but obviously there are some differences.

There are all kinds of crazy applications of sentencing and anecdotal evidence of individual cases won't reveal much. Women tend to serve higher proportions of their sentences in the US (or at least they used to, haven't seen recent data) because prisons are less over-crowded, so they don't get early release. Is that fair? No, but not easily solvable. I'd also say that you'd really need to look and see if it is true that women having sex with students results in less prison time for comparable cases (e.g. pseudo-consensual, i.e. minors can't consent, but perps may feel they have consent even though they've been grooming). My home state has a good line in sending women to prison for that with pretty harsh sentences. I don't know what male teachers get, because news media tends to focus on female teachers because, honestly, it's a bit of man-bites-doggery.

Divorce laws don't favor women, they favor the people who make less money. Usually that's women, for whatever reason. The lesser earning partner, particularly if they are custodial USUALLY end up with a lower standard of living after divorce even when the higher earning partner feels they have been robbed. Greatcoastal is going to be able to claim alimony. Not because he is a man, but because he (and his wife) chose for him to stay at home rather than be in the workforce. He sacrificed earning potential to support the home and children in an unpaid role. My own dad got reamed by both his wives (including my mother) because he BOUGHT INTO the idea that divorce laws favour women and didn't assert enough. Do you NEED to believe that because it helps you stay stuck and prevents you from making a decision? Have you actually talked to a lawyer?

My current partner got reamed by his ex-wife. But that's because she didn't work (he assumed she would, she didn't). I'm not going to do so well out of my ex, even though I gave up a lot by being married and having a kid with him - namely, my ability to live in my home country with my son. And it's going to be very, very, very expensive for me as my parents get older. But because I always worked I won't really 'get' anything. I will get a tiny amount of CS. I'm going to try to negotiate for a better housing position, but I'll have to pay him back. If I get my way, I'll end up paying him a substantial chunk of money every month. He will be financially better off. I'm hoping to be no worse off.

Good luck to you, and your opinion.

In my jurisdiction, it is in no way difficult at all to see apparent anomalies in the application of the law.
Whether we are talking about crimes against the person, crimes involving property, cases of defamation, cases of property division, embezzlement, and the list goes on, and on and on. Including domestic violence issues, divorces etc etc etc.

Now, I am NOT saying that gender bias is not in play sometimes.
There is the odd misogynist judge / magistrate in the system, there is the odd feminazi judge / magistrate in the system.

But ahead of these outlier judges / magistrates, is incompetent judges / magistrates.
And incompetence knows no gender bias.
And there are a few incompetents about, in my jurisdiction at least.

Then, there are the servants of the court, the lawyers representing the prosecution and defence.
Not all these persons are highly competent either.
One could have a great case to put before a court, but if one has a lawyer who fucks up in presenting ones great case, the outcome may be sub-optimal.

And, sometimes, there is reporting by the media of apparent anomalies in sentencing that appear outrageous. Yet, if you can be bothered looking up the FULL judgement (and these are a matter of public record in my jurisdiction) with ALL of the judges reasoning and application of the relevant facts and nuances, the verdict is actually quite reasonable. But the media reporting of the matter is biased in the interests of grabbing a good headline or ratings. Not whether the verdict was just and true.

So for your consideration, I put it to Brother greatcoastal and Sister elkclan2 , that most apparent anomalies in the legal system are not down to gender bias (although some are)

Can I quote Sister WindSister here, and agree with her (/) - "Okay. Said my peace. You are both good contributors to this forum (in my opinion, for whatever the hell that is worth.. lol). Be well"

Thanks for sharing, elkclan2.  It does help me, I admit I didn't dive into the site, was just turned off by the first page I opened. But I honestly feel the same with the pink hat movement stuff, too. 

I admit I was passive aggressive with my ex, too. I am so keen on it now, within myself and others. I try to stay honest and direct even when it is hard to do. When blurting out a sarcastic jab would feel better. 

Anyway, again, it's why I like this forum, we can actually communicate here. 

Yes we can attempt to communicate, and attempt to offer support to each other even on topics like Relational Aggression that applies to both genders.

Just for the record I have no idea what the AVRM and the MRA is. I had to google it.

I do get a limited amount of my information from a sight called First Husbands Advocacy Group - Florida Alimony and Custody Laws Reform. The name explains my reasons for even reading it. They post things about not allowing alimony at all, non working spouses etc... I don't agree with all of it due to my own circumstances. However I understand how others can relate. And when you are writing to the masses, you can't please everybody!

In my own defense I spent an entire 60 seconds and went to my profile and looked at my latest threads. They range from a wide variety of sources. The new York Times, CNNnews, The Washington Post, Crosstalk, and a host of womans group and yes there is Shrink4men (who's latest post doesn't mention gender at all and is as middle down the road about narcissistic behavior for both a man or a woman, and she councils woman who deal with narc H's) and there was the AVRM which I am not a member of and Know nothing about.

I also get much of my "resources from books I read. Here's the stack that sits beside me.
"Captivating Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul"
"The Sacred Romance"
"All Things New"
"The Last Arrow"
"Wild at Heart Discovering the Secret of a Mans Soul"
"A Scandalous Freedom"
"Waking the Dead The Glory of a Heart Fully Alive"
" Fathered By God"
"Boundaries", "Boundaries in Marriage", "Boundaries in Dating"
"Authentic Manhood" all 6 A man and his Fatherhood, Marriage, Work, Traps, Story,
"Growing Through Divorce"
"Creative Correction"
"Say Goodby to Crazy"

The book of Proverbs, The Book of David. Psalms.

That's my regular reading material. I'd rather have someone form their opinion of me on that, and not be so shallow. I also read every word of anyone's posts or articles before comenting on them.

 
True. Oppression happened (happens).  But I also think anger is not the way to overcome it. It's good at first to shock and awe and wake people up but then we have to move past it and work on forgiveness and self empowerment,  self improvement and personal responsibility. At a micro and macro level. 

Sometimes maybe nuking is the best.