I have become a huge fan of this Mark Manson bloke since seeing a linked article by him about a year ago. The more of his stuff I read the more sense he makes. I am presently reading his book "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck". He is an absolute gun.
Thanks for the share surfergirl. I guess you can’t go home again. But you can resolve some things in your head when you do.
I met up with a girl I used to date. She and her man liked hockey so we all went together - my wife, my son, her, and her man. It was a good time. Best part of it was that I talked to her man. Quiet guy, but big, bearded, and strong. Seemed like he would always be there for him. I knew several other people she dated, but this guy really fit her. I told her that this guy was the best fit of anyone she ever dated, including me. I was so glad she found someone like him.
The "drama" is oftentimes the only aspect of the ILIASM shithole that involves "passion". Negative passion to be sure, but at least some form of passion. And often, the only emotional connection left in an ILIASM deal is negative passion. And that has to be fed by ongoing and/or new "drama".
This weird kabuki dance of one pursuing engagement and the other rejecting it becomes what the relationship is based on. That's its' raison d'être, the prime reason for the relationship to continue.
Both spouses know their role - and each others role - and there is some form of connection in the dance.
But the bonding agent - "drama" - is not unique to refusers. You don't have to look far into the stories here to see refused spouse's engaging in it too.
The "pursuit and rejection dance" requires two participants.
And if you didn't have the "drama" holding you together, what would actually be left - if anything - as far as passion goes ?
This the "Shoutbox" -- basically a site-wide, group chat. (It's only visible to members.)
tamara68: @worksforme I think I have to be more careful for all infected people. Most likely I already have Covid19
Apr 1, 2020 3:29:42 GMT -5
worksforme2: tamara68.....it's been a couple weeks since you posted you may have the covid19 virus. hopefully you are feeling better and are on your way to renewed health
Apr 11, 2020 5:31:38 GMT -5
tamara68: @worksforme thanks, yes I am feeling better. How is it in the USA?
Apr 14, 2020 1:57:26 GMT -5
worksforme2: some better and some worse,..virus seems to be slowing down, but people are beginning to refuse to stay inside,...worst thing I see is Biden leading in the election poles,...but that could be fake news
Apr 20, 2020 16:56:22 GMT -5
mirrororchid: Politics? Is that what we want to happen here?
Apr 21, 2020 6:21:24 GMT -5
petrushka: Certainly not American style politics. Toxic echo chambers.
Apr 23, 2020 16:21:52 GMT -5
petrushka: However, I feel that sexual politics, including political moves that impact the relationships between gender (misogynist, misandrist, etc) definitely deserve room in this context.
Apr 23, 2020 16:22:59 GMT -5
fred: just calculated that i've spent somewhere near 19,000 days (& nights) as a "rejectee".AND that allows for 2,000+ days (& nights) on business travel apart from her. i've chosen to "stay" .....would never do that again, and can't as you see doing the math
May 15, 2020 18:01:15 GMT -5
worksforme2: 19000 days and nights,....damn dude, that's 52 yrs.
Jun 17, 2020 9:19:10 GMT -5
fred: you're a little short works - was thinking this AM, there has NEVER been a day when she indicated desire for me physically (other than for heavy lifting or finance)........LOL...........earlier, i had enough libido for both of us, now i'm left with guilt
Jun 20, 2020 13:11:12 GMT -5
fred: over imposing myself on her rather than simply leaving .....DAMN LOVE ANYWAY !
Jun 20, 2020 13:12:12 GMT -5
mesulina: update everyone, still has not happened. I have now come to accept that I will live with out. It is just different now.
Jun 29, 2020 19:32:31 GMT -5
worksforme2: Sorry mesulina,... but on the positive side you did stock up on toys a short time back,..now might be the time to go for the gusto
Jun 30, 2020 17:42:54 GMT -5
grower: Embrace a change, you will wonder why you waited so long
Jul 9, 2020 11:22:56 GMT -5
grower: Your life clock is ticking away, don't waste all your time. Live some.
Jul 24, 2020 9:53:20 GMT -5
fred: blue guy, i was where you are 30 years ago. stayed.................nothing changed. if i didn't love this nice lady so much i'd be in deep regret. if she doesn't think of you in a hundred "other" ways (as does my wife) GET OUT ! Life is short
Aug 10, 2020 17:43:15 GMT -5
jerri: Yuk on the plucking chicken feathers. If a chicken doesn't get sex and intimacy she just finds a beautiful cock sooner or later. I'd say there's a much higher "philandering" rate than anyone would care to admit. The rooster who is tormented findsa chicken!
Sept 10, 2020 8:23:56 GMT -5
csl: And yet, there is an entire segment of ILIASM stayers.
Sept 10, 2020 22:04:05 GMT -5
jerri: Exactly I have read multiple threads. I was very impressed with all the different solutions everyone has found. Intellectual group and the camaraderie is nice
Sept 11, 2020 9:44:57 GMT -5