Article: How to Let Go by Mark Manson

I had best say at the jump that I am a huge fan of this Mark Manson bloke, and the more of his stuff I read, the more impressed I get.

This particular offering of his really ought be compulsory reading for this ILIASM group.
For that matter, for everyone in a relationship.
Acually, for everyone.

Thanks for the link Sister WindSister .

I am printing out the article because I feel it's one I need to revisit often. 

I don't think any of us are 100% healthy or 100% "toxic" (kind of a harsh word), but rather a blend of the two, varying degrees dependent on circumstances, etc.  Sometimes I am damn healthy, but other times I can feel that "toxicity" bubbling below the surface, which, as Manson puts it is really just me not loving or respecting myself.  I am thankful that over the years I have learned how to respond instead of react - this has saved me from destroying relationships. But, I still sometimes FEEL that pressure, if that makes sense.  Like I am "one explosion away" from destroying great things.   It happens when I feel threatened somehow - aka "not good enough."  It can happen quick;  like at the baby shower last summer when ALL Of my husband's family stayed at his ex wife's table the whole time.  I was feeling quite on edge about that, but didn't act up, I just went with the kids who were getting super antsy "behaving" over to the park so they could let loose and play and run.  I felt control again and was able to talk myself down, that it's no big deal, yada, yada..... But prior to doing that, oh man, I was soooo close to saying/doing something hurtful/harmful that I would have never been able to take back.  I wish I wasn't so close to that edge all the time.   But, then that's not fair to say -- I am not always close to that edge. (quite a bit, though!)  I do picture my mom in those moments, reacting in ugly ways, and that will sometimes work at hushing me up, too.  

At the function two weeks ago, my husband sat NEXT to his ex and I was on the other side of him - I felt no threat or jealousy at all in that situation.  It made sense to sit like that so we could all see the kids/grandkids on the other side and that way I didn't have to stare at her face, if we had sat across from her.  lol  I actually was shocked I didn't feel anything.  But I didn't.  It was just another party in which we leave gifts for someone, small talk and leave.  That woman was there - some relative -- no biggie.  Nothing bothered me that day.  

I suppose I was feeling like his family chose her over me that day at the baby shower or she was inwardly gloating how I was left out -- (not saying she was, that were my own thoughts in my own head) where I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt my husband is not into his ex wife in any way shape or form.  So sitting next to her ourselves, no biggie. 

Anyway -- back to the article... 
To dive into why some people have such a hard time letting go, we need to understand a simple dichotomy:








Reading this article validated in my mind that we are in a healthy relationship and we are both relatively healthy (with areas of unhealthy, no one can be 100% healthy).  But when our "toxic" self wants to rise we are looking out for the marriage, our relationship, first and act from that point, so we DON'T have drama in our life.  We have a lot of serious, sometimes frustrating until we work it out, discussions, but neither of us are trying to "create drama" either consciously or unconsciously.  

I LOVED what Manson said about drama, it was a real "aha" moment for me: 

I feel like that is something to meditate on, sear into my brain..... lol.  

And for me, Step three, building a healthy relationship with myself is what I mainly need to focus on in my life.  Working on it!!  

Anyway, just sharing thoughts out loud.  This article is full of so much!