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Post by lwoetin on Mar 28, 2016 0:55:26 GMT -5
I am staying in my marriage. Instead of sex, my wife and I watched the video The Martian this evening. Dude is stuck in another planet and he has to be resourceful to make it through else he dies. At least I'm not alone and running out of food. We didn't get to finish the movie. I'm not sure if he will make it. I'm not really sure how long one can last without sex and intimacy. I bet many people can last if they try really hard. It's not wrong to have no desire for sex. She used to. Now she don't. Other than that, she is still the same person. Whose fault is it that she has lost desire? Probably hers and mine. Can she regain it? She doesn't think so or want so. I think so. I hope so. It's not like I am stuck in Mars.
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miestas
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Post by miestas on Mar 28, 2016 6:29:15 GMT -5
Actually, that story is a very apt metaphor for most of us. (BTW: read the book. It is SO much better than the movie. Not that the movie is bad, but if you are a hard sci-fi geek, you will enjoy the book much more. It would be impossible to put all of the ingenious ways this guy figures out to stay alive into a movie. And the book puts much more emphasis on the guy's sense of humor. He really is pretty hysterically funny in the book). Anyway, we are pretty much left for dead by the person/people we care about the most, they are oblivious and unable to communicate with us, and just carry on with their lives. We struggle on alone, trying to survive and find a way to rejoin the human race. We eventually make contact with the outside world, and receive help in our struggles. But no spoilers on how this all turns out-- you'll have to finish your own movie. (But seriously Iwoetin.... Read the book!)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2016 14:48:56 GMT -5
It's not wrong to have no desire for sex. What IS wrong is trapping another person in a monogamous relationship, and then refusing to have sex.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2016 17:21:10 GMT -5
A person will not die without sex, but a marriage certainly will. And a part of the person will die as well. I hope I am wrong in your case.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2016 18:28:40 GMT -5
(BTW: read the book. It is SO much better than the movie.
I agree with you. The movie is good, but can't capture the details of the book.
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Post by lwoetin on Mar 29, 2016 22:52:35 GMT -5
It's not wrong to have no desire for sex. What IS wrong is trapping another person in a monogamous relationship, and then refusing to have sex. I don't think of it as a trap though. And I don't want her to feel trapped into having sex either. It is her desire to live without. And I have a desire to live with. Both of us are free to do as we wish but we want the other to change so we can live happily ever after. I just need to pack some muscles like Tim Tebow and that should do the trick.
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Post by lwoetin on Mar 29, 2016 23:11:13 GMT -5
Thank you for your responses. I really appreciate the empathy. However it turns out, the journey is worthwhile and important. I think though that love will trump sex in marriage. And if I'm wrong, then I have sex to look forward to in another life.
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Post by unmatched on Mar 29, 2016 23:14:22 GMT -5
It's not wrong to have no desire for sex. What IS wrong is trapping another person in a monogamous relationship, and then refusing to have sex. I don't think of it as a trap though. And I don't want her to feel trapped into having sex either. It is her desire to live without. And I have a desire to live with. Both of us are free to do as we wish but we want the other to change so we can live happily ever after. I just need to pack some muscles like Tim Tebow and that should do the trick. So ... if I get ripped, then she'll fuck me
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Post by DryCreek on Mar 29, 2016 23:23:47 GMT -5
So ... if I get ripped, then she'll fuck me As if. But if you get ripped, a hottie from the gym will fuck you.
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Post by lwoetin on Mar 30, 2016 0:02:33 GMT -5
It is a win-win situation apparently.
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Post by wewbwb on Mar 30, 2016 8:54:16 GMT -5
Similar situation here. I don't think it's one person or one "event" that causes it. How do we fulfill our needs while attending to desires- which never include sex? How do we "love" when our partner is denying such a need? That is what I struggle with.
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Post by Rhapsodee on Mar 30, 2016 15:14:28 GMT -5
As a friend told me, all you need is something to look forward to. Plan a solo trip. Just a few days the first time. Choose a place within a day's drive and plan something special to do just for yourself. If money is an issue, look into Airbnb for cheap comfortable lodgings, get your food at the grocery store or fast food. But get off alone. I've done three solo trips. They were so elaborate that it took weeks to plan them out and stay under budget. It lifted my spirits and I was HAPPY. I did visit friends and relatives if they were in the area as a pass through not a destination. I'm planning my next one to Philadelphia, starting and ending at my daughters place in Manhaattan.
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Post by unmatched on Mar 30, 2016 20:06:32 GMT -5
As a friend told me, all you need is something to look forward to. Plan a solo trip. Just a few days the first time. Choose a place within a day's drive and plan something special to do just for yourself. If money is an issue, look into Airbnb for cheap comfortable lodgings, get your food at the grocery store or fast food. But get off alone. I've done three solo trips. They were so elaborate that it took weeks to plan them out and stay under budget. It lifted my spirits and I was HAPPY. I didn't schedule a meet up with any lover though I did visit friends and relatives if they were in the area as a pass through not a destination. I'm planning my next one to Philadelphia, starting and ending at my daughters place in Manhaattan. I think this is the way to go. If you are not leaving, or not sure, then almost certainly (since you are here) you are not getting what you need from your relationship. That doesn't necessarily mean the answer is to outsource, but it almost certainly does mean you need to stop trying to get all your fulfilment out of your marriage and start to find it in other places. As that happens the dynamic of your relationship will inevitably change, and your life will change with it. It is possible that your marriage may not survive this process, but who knows?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 30, 2016 22:15:25 GMT -5
Lwoetin:
And if I'm wrong, then I have sex to look forward to in another life.
You have a LOT more patience than I do!
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Post by lwoetin on Mar 30, 2016 22:28:13 GMT -5
Similar situation here. I don't think it's one person or one "event" that causes it. How do we fulfill our needs while attending to desires- which never include sex? How do we "love" when our partner is denying such a need? That is what I struggle with. I didn't feel loved a couple of years ago and it was hard to show love in return. We had a serious talk then and figured out that we wanted to save our marriage. There resulted plenty of sex then. But all good things usually don't last. Still...before she was ice cold, now she's warm. Before there was no hope, now I can hope for better things....may not materialize, but I have hope. Am I going to escape the ILIASM threshold of 10x/yr? Probably not, but I may relish each occasion more. If your spouse is not listening to your needs, then you will suffer greatly and your marriage may not make it. Make sure she knows the consequences, because when faced with the realization that one is about to lose a loved one, urgency and awakening occurs and things can change for the better.
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