Sick/Hurting Spouse and a NON SM Marriage
Jan 5, 2018 11:17:47 GMT -5
thefullmoon, GeekGoddess, and 9 more like this
Post by WindSister on Jan 5, 2018 11:17:47 GMT -5
For those who don't know me - I got out of my SM, then met someone and remarried. So, this is not a SM, I am POST SM. 
Just sharing because --
My husband hurt his back last weekend really bad. He has been to the chiro twice, another scheduled for tomorrow. Will pursue a medical doctor if need be. I have never seen him like this, it's killing me. He hates it. He hates that he can't put on his socks or tie his boots. He said it's really humbling. I have to help him get up from the couch. We laugh a lot (though he says it hurts when he does) but I am careful not to "make fun" of his condition. I want to build him UP, UP, UP. I want to help him heal. It's just hard to see your spouse hurting.
In my previous SM marriage, my ex would shut down in these times, lock me out. But my husband now does not do that. He leans on me, lets me support him and he lets me know he appreciates it. Not to get graphic, but we are still intimate - at HIS initiating because I didn't want to initiate and force him, you know (the man is IN PAIN)? But HE initiated TWICE this week even though he is hurting. It was not our usual flare, but in some regards it was even more intimate, more special.
Not to compare/contrast, but just sharing because this stuff still gets to me - how nice it is to be with someone who is emotionally/physically available. Both. I don' think it's that our relationship is some perfect endeavor, but we are on the same wavelength, we connect, we jive together. It's not one person frantically rowing the boat to try to keep things going while the other shuts down. It feels better. It made divorce worth it.. SO WORTH IT. For me anyway. I know it's not easy finding a mate that you can connect with, so I do consider myself damn lucky on a regular basis. But, I also had this deep deep knowing I would meet "him." Towards the end of being single I really did have a deep knowing and felt a wave of patience wash over me as I deleted/blocked all the dysfunctional, unavailable men from my life.
Now, I just hope my husband can get better. We will work on it.
Just sharing because --
My husband hurt his back last weekend really bad. He has been to the chiro twice, another scheduled for tomorrow. Will pursue a medical doctor if need be. I have never seen him like this, it's killing me. He hates it. He hates that he can't put on his socks or tie his boots. He said it's really humbling. I have to help him get up from the couch. We laugh a lot (though he says it hurts when he does) but I am careful not to "make fun" of his condition. I want to build him UP, UP, UP. I want to help him heal. It's just hard to see your spouse hurting.
In my previous SM marriage, my ex would shut down in these times, lock me out. But my husband now does not do that. He leans on me, lets me support him and he lets me know he appreciates it. Not to get graphic, but we are still intimate - at HIS initiating because I didn't want to initiate and force him, you know (the man is IN PAIN)? But HE initiated TWICE this week even though he is hurting. It was not our usual flare, but in some regards it was even more intimate, more special.
Not to compare/contrast, but just sharing because this stuff still gets to me - how nice it is to be with someone who is emotionally/physically available. Both. I don' think it's that our relationship is some perfect endeavor, but we are on the same wavelength, we connect, we jive together. It's not one person frantically rowing the boat to try to keep things going while the other shuts down. It feels better. It made divorce worth it.. SO WORTH IT. For me anyway. I know it's not easy finding a mate that you can connect with, so I do consider myself damn lucky on a regular basis. But, I also had this deep deep knowing I would meet "him." Towards the end of being single I really did have a deep knowing and felt a wave of patience wash over me as I deleted/blocked all the dysfunctional, unavailable men from my life.
Now, I just hope my husband can get better. We will work on it.
