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Post by hopingforachange on Dec 29, 2017 19:02:15 GMT -5
It's been this long, just ride it a little bit longer.
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Post by Caris on Dec 30, 2017 0:50:13 GMT -5
Are more assets really worth this misery and stress? You being this angry and hostile will affect your children. You don’t want to cook for her, but what about them?
I can understand that you are at the end of your rope, but it’s hurting you, and it’s hurting your kids. You have to decide if material things are more valuable than health and wellbeing.
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Post by hopingforachange on Dec 30, 2017 7:30:33 GMT -5
Think of it this way, you've made it a decade with the SM, if you wait just a little bit longer then she has more at stake and it should be easier to get what is yours.
Heck, you could even have fun with it. Have the lawyer draft up the papers and when she comes home to celebrate, you can tell her you have something to celebrate to.
(I just realized I'm not above don't petty things like that.)
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Post by bballgirl on Dec 30, 2017 8:35:50 GMT -5
Hang in there, I can remember days like you had especially the cooking.
I had so much anger and resentment in general but I was angry he got to eat the meals I cooked for the kids. Keep your head and there will be good days and bad but keep your eye on the prize and play your cards smart and it will work out for you.
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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 30, 2017 9:18:19 GMT -5
Ahh...the things I learned from my STBX. Find more and more ways to spend "our money" (you and your wife) on just you and the kids. Take the kids out to eat, or bring food home for you and them, ONLY. When taking kids to their school events or sports, get dinner for you and the kids only.
Tell your W to clean the table and the kitchen. You made the dinner she can do the cleaning. Set a boundary. When she refuses, and throws a tantrum or turns your words around, give her the " oh well not my problem." or just say "whatever, and change the subject to her overspending". Or just start every response with ,"NO". If she presses you on it,-and she will- respond with because I said no,and walk away." Let the dishes pile up, place them in her car, put them on her desk, and order pizza for you and the kids. Mommy needs to put on her big girl panties, because you are not going to be there after the divorce.
Like disciplining a child. An adult who refuses to act like one. Use the word "responsibility" to her. I've told my W numerous times, "that's not how I was raised". She could care less. It's disrespectful. That's why I'm done, pulling out, teaching my kids that they don't have to be disrespected like that,simply because they are married.
Have the kids clean up after themselves in other areas of the house, breakfast, and lunch.
Warning: Don't become like her while standing your ground. Be ready for a ton of revolting to you taking control in the least bit of anything! It's likely to enforce your reason for divorce.
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Post by shamwow on Dec 31, 2017 15:30:35 GMT -5
Are more assets really worth this misery and stress? You being this angry and hostile will affect your children. You don’t want to cook for her, but what about them? I can understand that you are at the end of your rope, but it’s hurting you, and it’s hurting your kids. You have to decide if material things are more valuable than health and wellbeing. Good morning all: Got up at 3am with 8 solid hours of sleep, swiped a bit of W's caramel-flavored coffee (not as bad as I thought), the house is silent except for Pandora playing quietly and I'm starting to feel better so I can get back to work. Thanks Caris. I agree - the material things are bullshit. But with child custody and a house at stake, the stronger negotiating position may be worth waiting for. If I, for example, offer to let her keep her material bullshit (which she values more than I do), then she may back off of what matters to me. Here's hopin'... You do raise a good point. Divorce is usually a negotiation. If you have something you don't care about but the other party values greatly it does improve your negotiating position. Of course the more you antagonize her the tougher it will be to deal with her post-divorce. Depending on the ages of the kids that might make your negotiated victory hollow. I would be curious how long the average divorce takes place where you live. I had to spin plates for about 6 months and having that process relatively amicable helped my sanity tremendously. It all depends on your pain threshold and how bad you want what you are negotiating for. That of course depends on the person. Good luck brother! |
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