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Post by Dan on May 13, 2016 8:36:46 GMT -5
I stumbled across a a "marriage support" website called "Talk About Marriage". talkaboutmarriage.com/It seems pretty broad, and it seems to not have an "agenda" per se (like "make your marriage work at all cost"). There are some posts on sexless marriage; but that is far from the board's focus. I've read a few things and posted a few things. My purpose in posting it here is to s hare it with those who are still trying to find some support for "fixing" their marriage. (I realize many on ILIASM are kind of past this point. But please consider that some members here MAY still be doing that.)
Also I admit if I find a cache of folks there dealing with SMs, I may point them to ILIASM, too.
Here's one example interesting thread: "Mental gymnastics to stay". I opened the thread thinking it was about dealing with an SM. It was actually asking if the person should stay in a marriage post-infidelity. I posted a reply (link) to the effect of "Folks in SM are dealing with the same issues of deciding if they should stay or go." |
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Post by wewbwb on May 13, 2016 8:47:17 GMT -5
I stumbled across a a "marriage support" website called "Talk About Marriage". talkaboutmarriage.com/It seems pretty broad, and it seems to not have an "agenda" per se (like "make your marriage work at all cost"). There are some posts on sexless marriage; but that is far from the board's focus. I've read a few things and posted a few things. My purpose in posting it here is to s hare it with those who are still trying to find some support for "fixing" their marriage. (I realize many on ILIASM are kind of past this point. But please consider that some members here MAY still be doing that.)
Also I admit if I find a cache of folks there dealing with SMs, I may point them to ILIASM, too.
Here's one example interesting thread: "Mental gymnastics to stay". I opened the thread thinking it was about dealing with an SM. It was actually asking if the person should stay in a marriage post-infidelity. I posted a reply (link) to the effect of "Folks in SM are dealing with the same issues of deciding if they should stay or go."That "stay at all cost" mentality is sometimes very hard to handle. It forces a person to decide to change their sex drive to match their partners. Of course it always points out that "you can do without sex, it won't kill you." |
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Post by Deleted on May 13, 2016 10:18:51 GMT -5
It forces a person to decide to change their sex drive to match their partners. Of course it always points out that "you can do without sex, it won't kill you."
No, it will just make you wish you were dead.
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Post by DryCreek on May 13, 2016 12:35:02 GMT -5
Broken record, but why should "stay at all cost" be a one-sided deal?? Why is it always the high-sex spouse who is expected to change? Fuck that.
If sex was good, and now sex is bad, the defective person is the one who needs fixing. If I decide to stop bathing, the solution is not for my wife to bathe twice as often. I hate this mentality.
(And yeah, I get that maybe they aren't so vested in staying or motivated, which is the root of the problem. It just annoys me that society's mindset is that we need to accommodate whatever they choose to do, instead of pressuring them to stand behind their commitments.)
DC
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Post by greatcoastal on May 13, 2016 12:49:05 GMT -5
It forces a person to decide to change their sex drive to match their partners. Of course it always points out that "you can do without sex, it won't kill you." No, it will just make you wish you were dead. May I add on to that? And when opportunity knocks ( in many different forms) you will not have that strength of a reliable sex partner to fall back on, and you will fall. Then what? |
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Post by Deleted on May 17, 2016 20:06:58 GMT -5
I was on there for years. Most people there couldn't wrap their heads around the concept of a sexless marriage.
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Post by Dan on May 18, 2016 7:12:27 GMT -5
I was on there for years. Most people there couldn't wrap their heads around the concept of a sexless marriage. Just to be clear to all: I'm not "advocating" that site. It is very just just and "FYI, in case you want to check it out" sort of thing. So why did I post it? I have the hunch that MANY people will stumble across our forum. I hope they find the people and attitude here supportive. But there are other thoughts out there, and other sites. So I plan to post a few of them here NOT by way of recommendation, but rather just listing them as resources, as others might gain something from them; it is up to them to decide. And -- I admit -- my other goal is to participate in such sites just a bit to post links from other sites to here. |
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Post by wewbwb on May 18, 2016 7:39:58 GMT -5
It forces a person to decide to change their sex drive to match their partners. Of course it always points out that "you can do without sex, it won't kill you." No, it will just make you wish you were dead. May I add on to that? And when opportunity knocks ( in many different forms) you will not have that strength of a reliable sex partner to fall back on, and you will fall. Then what? Then you're me. |
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Post by Deleted on May 18, 2016 15:21:15 GMT -5
You know, this has recently really been hitting me. In a sexless marriage, most people immediately start talking about what the refused spouse should do. If you are man you should be nice, bring flowers, etc. If you are a woman, be sexier, be seductive, etc. But no one ever tells the refuser to change. It is like telling a starving person to not think about food, and eventually he/she will get something to eat.
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Post by Deleted on May 18, 2016 15:21:27 GMT -5
Sorry, double post.
But since you're reading anyway, fuck fuck fuck! You can't do it, but you just read about it! LOL
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Post by Deleted on May 18, 2016 17:03:01 GMT -5
Oh, and not all marriages should be saved. That is the thing that really pisses me off
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Post by greatcoastal on May 18, 2016 17:06:06 GMT -5
You know, this has recently really been hitting me. In a sexless marriage, most people immediately start talking about what the refused spouse should do. If you are man you should be nice, bring flowers, etc. If you are a woman, be sexier, be seductive, etc. But no one ever tells the refuser to change. It is like telling a starving person to not think about food, and eventually he/she will get something to eat. How true! Reminds of the post were I mentioned bringing up our SM in our small group on marriage at church. Some here were opposed that I brought it up in that setting, even though I asked my wife's permission first. Then came the flood of advice, from the ladies in the small group, when my wife was not there,on all the things I ( the refused should do for the refuser) should try. When I informed them, been there, done that, they threw there hands in the air and said," don't know what else to tell you!" Not one word about my refuser treating me wrong or changing. |
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Post by itsjustus on May 18, 2016 21:03:38 GMT -5
You know, this has recently really been hitting me. In a sexless marriage, most people immediately start talking about what the refused spouse should do. If you are man you should be nice, bring flowers, etc. If you are a woman, be sexier, be seductive, etc. But no one ever tells the refuser to change. It is like telling a starving person to not think about food, and eventually he/she will get something to eat. This is one of the biggest truths I've ever read flashjohn. Tell a starving person, man or woman, sitting in front of a person who actually vowed to feed them, "You know what? You ought to beg better." |
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Post by Deleted on May 20, 2016 9:22:29 GMT -5
You know, this has recently really been hitting me. In a sexless marriage, most people immediately start talking about what the refused spouse should do. If you are man you should be nice, bring flowers, etc. If you are a woman, be sexier, be seductive, etc. But no one ever tells the refuser to change. It is like telling a starving person to not think about food, and eventually he/she will get something to eat. How true! Reminds of the post were I mentioned bringing up our SM in our small group on marriage at church. Some here were opposed that I brought it up in that setting, even though I asked my wife's permission first. Then came the flood of advice, from the ladies in the small group, when my wife was not there,on all the things I ( the refused should do for the refuser) should try. When I informed them, been there, done that, they threw there hands in the air and said," don't know what else to tell you!" Not one word about my refuser treating me wrong or changing. And I am sure that none of them looked at your refuser and said, "Hey Moron, start fucking your husband!" |
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Post by Deleted on May 20, 2016 9:23:16 GMT -5
You know, this has recently really been hitting me. In a sexless marriage, most people immediately start talking about what the refused spouse should do. If you are man you should be nice, bring flowers, etc. If you are a woman, be sexier, be seductive, etc. But no one ever tells the refuser to change. It is like telling a starving person to not think about food, and eventually he/she will get something to eat. This is one of the biggest truths I've ever read flashjohn . Tell a starving person, man or woman, sitting in front of a person who actually vowed to feed them, "You know what? You ought to beg better." Thank you. I am kind of toying around with the idea of writing a book about sexual refusal, the harm it does, and why it's wrong. |
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