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Post by TMD on Dec 26, 2017 4:17:49 GMT -5
Hey all. Merry Christmas.
I’m still carrying on with my affair partner. We managed time away, albeit briefly, late tonight, Christmas evening. And his wife called continuously. I miss the, “I am the Other Woman,” forum from Experience Project some times, like tonight. And I don’t want to vent here.
Does anybody know if such a forum, a safe place to discuss the intricacies of having an affair, exists?
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Post by M2G on Dec 26, 2017 6:15:09 GMT -5
MC to you too - not sure how this one is but it has recent posts anyway: www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/"Safe" is a relative term though - best you can do is no names, as little specifics as possible - but that's kinda common sense anyway. Maybe tie your profile to a brand new yahoo email and don't ever set it up on any of your devices - just read in browser private mode. Outsourcing has been on my mind lately also - though not actively pursued. |
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Post by TMD on Dec 27, 2017 21:25:17 GMT -5
MC to you too - not sure how this one is but it has recent posts anyway: www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/"Safe" is a relative term though - best you can do is no names, as little specifics as possible - but that's kinda common sense anyway. Maybe tie your profile to a brand new yahoo email and don't ever set it up on any of your devices - just read in browser private mode. Outsourcing has been on my mind lately also - though not actively pursued. I appreciate your response. I have searched the internets and not found a suitable home to discuss what it’s like being, “the other woman,” and I don’t feel this board is the appropriate place. By, “safe,” I meant that it’s a place where trolls are managed (and by that, I mean that they are excused from participating), as they were out of control on EP with broad sweeping judgments and name calling. The group of women there were solid, and we were often successful in chasing them away. I think I’m just tired of the charade. 5 years is a considerable amount of time to have an affair. |
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Post by M2G on Dec 27, 2017 23:29:53 GMT -5
Yeah TMD but on my side 6 barren years seems about time maybe to change to a different charade. Not getting any younger after all, and no matter how well W and I get along, the specter of never again gets more and more difficult to handle. I hope you find what you're looking for, but if not I hope you have a great time trying. |
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Post by Caris on Dec 28, 2017 0:14:16 GMT -5
MC to you too - not sure how this one is but it has recent posts anyway: www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/"Safe" is a relative term though - best you can do is no names, as little specifics as possible - but that's kinda common sense anyway. Maybe tie your profile to a brand new yahoo email and don't ever set it up on any of your devices - just read in browser private mode. Outsourcing has been on my mind lately also - though not actively pursued. I appreciate your response. I have searched the internets and not found a suitable home to discuss what it’s like being, “the other woman,” and I don’t feel this board is the appropriate place. By, “safe,” I meant that it’s a place where trolls are managed (and by that, I mean that they are excused from participating), as they were out of control on EP with broad sweeping judgments and name calling. The group of women there were solid, and we were often successful in chasing them away. I think I’m just tired of the charade. 5 years is a considerable amount of time to have an affair. The thing I hated about that group on EP were the women gloated and felt pride in having an affair. They said terrible things about the wives. I thought it was a nasty group, and stopped reading, but that’s my take on it. |
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Post by TMD on Dec 28, 2017 0:53:27 GMT -5
This was not what I was looking for, with respect to responses. I get that everybody feels that it’s their right to express an opinion on the internet. But I’m not looking to debate the merits, ethics, values, or the lack thereof, of an, “other woman,” forum. I’m simply looking for a place to safely and sincerely wade through a small challenge I’ve recently had with my lover of 5 years.
People loathe cheaters. I’ve heard it all. It’s old news. Tell me something I haven’t heard, or haven’t been called.
And it oversimplifies it to say “they” (the other women) gloat. Yes, some did. But some simply shared and their words were twisted by narrowminded, judgmental people.
I’m not calling you narrowminded, Caris. But I fail to understand why you would need the support of “other women” if you weren’t having an affair? I didn’t visit boards on topics that weren’t relevant to me. And if I did, I didn’t spend time expressing my superiority over others whom I may have not agreed with (that said, there were some very disgusting things there on EP, predatory behavior, etc). And again, I don’t think that you think you’re superior, Caris. I just heard it all there. But there was a group of wonderful, beautiful, messy women who were kind. They made up for the trolls and the gloaters.
The last time I was on this forum, I was told that as a victim of sexual assault I am responsible for my part in it. That shit triggered a whole mess, and I was reluctant to come back here. And now this. The day after I tentatively returned. I, perhaps naively, trusted people here, but it doesn’t feel like the safe, supportive community that it did in the beginning.
I was seeking help from members who might know the answer to my question. I thought it was that simple.
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Post by TMD on Dec 28, 2017 0:57:23 GMT -5
Yeah TMD but on my side 6 barren years seems about time maybe to change to a different charade. Not getting any younger after all, and no matter how well W and I get along, the specter of never again gets more and more difficult to handle. I hope you find what you're looking for, but if not I hope you have a great time trying. I’m not debating you, as to whether or not I think you should or shouldn’t do something. My OP simply asked a question in the hopes there are members here who might actually know the answer I sought. My experience is such that I have had an incredible experience with outsourcing. I’m lucky, for that. But as of late, things got a bit tricky, my heart sad and tired. That’s all. It wasn’t that complicated. If you are considering an affair, read the book, “When Good People Have Affairs.” Best resource on the subject; will help you understand your motivations, both within and outside of your marriage. |
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Post by TMD on Dec 28, 2017 1:01:43 GMT -5
And one more thing: I’m fucking depressed. I’m not trying to call attention to myself. But, I am hurting, worn out and a little lost.
If I sound angry, perhaps a confession of my state of mind will remind future responders to be kind.
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Post by saarinista on Dec 28, 2017 2:00:10 GMT -5
I'm not exactly sure what your situation is as I'm relatively new to this forum, but I'm sorry you're depressed. I'm having sort of an emotional affair, I guess, and it is difficult. I know I'm not a jerk, nor is the other person. Yet we find ourselves in sexless marriages, not wanting to leave and hurt our partners (or go through the hassle and pain ourselves I suppose) yet just incredibly horny (8 years sexless for me) and also very attracted to one another. Truth be told, I feel in love. But where can this go? Sigh. Not to hijack your thread, just wanting to say I'm sorry you're depressed, I can understand why, and there are no easy answers. Also, I would never say someone was bad just because they had an affair. In fact, I now think it may be the best thing for everyone concerned, in some cases. But geeze, some people are so judgemental. What do they know about the private hell some of us live in? Nothing, yet they still judge. Not me! Hang in there. TMD.
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Post by DryCreek on Dec 28, 2017 2:28:46 GMT -5
My OP simply asked a question in the hopes there are members here who might actually know the answer I sought. I wish I had an answer for you, but I don't. Closest fit here would probably be the Sexually Speaking section because it's not public, though I realize your query was broader than this site. Certainly, there are many folks here in your shoes who can share relevant thoughts, but no dedicated / restricted section. I do think that if you can wade through the feedback you don't want, there are probably some gems to be found here; that's kinda the nature of the Internet. Although folks here are opinionated, it's one of the most tolerant and polite places I've ever spent time online. It's pretty rare for the moderators to intervene because the membership generally keeps itself in check. |
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Post by M2G on Dec 28, 2017 5:51:04 GMT -5
Yeah TMD but on my side 6 barren years seems about time maybe to change to a different charade. Not getting any younger after all, and no matter how well W and I get along, the specter of never again gets more and more difficult to handle. I hope you find what you're looking for, but if not I hope you have a great time trying. I’m not debating you, as to whether or not I think you should or shouldn’t do something. Nor was I debating you - just giving a bit of vent to my own situation as, at this point, I don't believe my W has any intentions to ever reconcile the physical side of our relationship. Depression, is something we seem to share also - not a lot of happiness going round ISIASM message boards in general except for those who divorce or outsource. There are a lot of cheaters here - and cheated (of intimacy). I don't believe it's my place to judge anyone, though I will say that a refusing cheater spouse will many times reap what they sew. Withdrawal of affection can be a dangerous game to play in a relationship and personally I have not much sympathy for a refuser who ends up crashing their marriage. A refusing cheater, who disparages their spouse's AP, should take a look into the fucking mirror before they go off and denigrate the AP. Thanks for the book recommendation  |
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Post by hopingforachange on Dec 28, 2017 8:48:38 GMT -5
tmdPlease stay, hopefully you can find people here that well hello support you and you can tune others out that don't. Aka, pick and choose. Honestly, dealing with my SM has completely changed my view on "cheating." I'm sure many of us here would have preferred to never cheat on thier spouses but were driven to outsource thier needs for to the the spouse choosing to not want them. I no longer an quick to judge people that point outside the marital lines until I know the full story. With SMs I blame the refusing spouse for destroying the marriage and have empathy for the spouse that was driven to find thier mental and emotional needs outside the marriage.
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Post by bballgirl on Dec 28, 2017 9:07:29 GMT -5
My OP simply asked a question in the hopes there are members here who might actually know the answer I sought. I wish I had an answer for you, but I don't. Closest fit here would probably be the Sexually Speaking section because it's not public, though I realize your query was broader than this site. Certainly, there are many folks here in your shoes who can share relevant thoughts, but no dedicated / restricted section. I do think that if you can wade through the feedback you don't want, there are probably some gems to be found here; that's kinda the nature of the Internet. Although folks here are opinionated, it's one of the most tolerant and polite places I've ever spent time online. It's pretty rare for the moderators to intervene because the membership generally keeps itself in check. I agree with DC TMD - The Sexually Speaking Thread would be the right fit, you should create the thread and see if it takes off. I'm sorry you are feeling depressed but give it time. Emotions come and go and change. I think sometimes around the holidays it can be tough but try to focus on yourself and all the good things you have in your life, like your AP!  |
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Post by M2G on Dec 28, 2017 12:05:11 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2017 11:27:54 GMT -5
TMD, I recall those forums on EP. They were trolled horribly as I recall. But if you're depressed, maybe it would help to just talk it out some. If not in a public forum, possibly privately or with a therapist? My experience is with an experienced therapist, there will be very little they haven't encountered several times. And they'll have insight to help you. Look, this sexless marriage thing -- particularly if you're feeling trapped -- can make ANYONE feel hopeless. And Hopelessness is a sufficient cause for Depression. Maybe some dialog with an experienced dispassionate professional can help you see through the mess to some hope.
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