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Post by Deleted on Dec 19, 2017 19:18:22 GMT -5
So I get a cancer diagnosis. She gets to cry and be all sad. While I have to be the adult and say things like "it will be ok" etc...
It is always about her!! I doubt it will ever be about me..
such is life.
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Post by jim44444 on Dec 19, 2017 20:24:39 GMT -5
I am sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Maybe this is time to reevaluate your life and who you have in it. If she cannot 100% support you then what value does she supply to you?
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Post by northstarmom on Dec 19, 2017 21:31:09 GMT -5
I’m sorry about your diagnosis. If you care to share more, you will get support here.
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Post by Caris on Dec 19, 2017 21:57:22 GMT -5
I’m sorry to hear about this. I hope your cancer is treatable. We are here for you. I’m also sorry that your wife can’t give you the support you need from her. That’s hard. Hugs.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 19, 2017 22:28:15 GMT -5
I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis and sorry your wife couldn't just be present for you and your emotions right now instead of focused on hers. I hope you can find some peace with all this.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Dec 19, 2017 23:48:13 GMT -5
@lostsoul - if you don’t already have a therapist, I would strongly recommend one. Anyone diagnosed with cancer has very legitimate mental health challenges, valid anger issues & adjustments to make.
My now ex didn’t pursue a therapist. When we asked his doctor about therapy, the doc said my H’s job was to just stay positive. But when we mentioned we were divorcing, he was unsurprised.
This is a hard issue & therapy for you could help you face it with a better quality of (internal) life.
I’m sad to hear the diagnosis & sadder to hear the lack of her empathy or compassion for your struggle.
I’m hoping you will be able to beat it, with good medical care. Best to you.
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Post by bballgirl on Dec 20, 2017 8:40:51 GMT -5
So sorry to hear about this. We are here for you. Hugs
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Post by hopingforachange on Dec 20, 2017 9:58:15 GMT -5
Fuck her!
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Post by M2G on Dec 20, 2017 12:11:07 GMT -5
@lostsoul - if you don’t already have a therapist, I would strongly recommend one. Anyone diagnosed with cancer has very legitimate mental health challenges, valid anger issues & adjustments to make. @lostsoul so sorry to hear about the diagnosis -and I agree that what Baza says is very true. Along with good medicine a positive outlook is very important in that you don't want your emotions to run you down. You don't need the added stress of trying to console someone who's NOT the center of the fucking universe. I wish you all the best. |
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Post by northstarmom on Dec 20, 2017 15:42:40 GMT -5
Lostsoul,
Right now, your wife is your next of kin and would be responsible for making medical decisions for you should you become incapable of doing that. If you do not feel comfortable with her having such decision making powers on your behalf, it may be wise to consult a lawyer about seeing how to arrange things so someone else would be your medical surrogate.
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Post by M2G on Dec 21, 2017 12:34:31 GMT -5
Lostsoul, Right now, your wife is your next of kin and would be responsible for making medical decisions for you should you become incapable of doing that. If you do not feel comfortable with her having such decision making powers on your behalf, it may be wise to consult a lawyer about seeing how to arrange things so someone else would be your medical surrogate. Wise words. |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2017 19:15:29 GMT -5
Thanks everyone!!
I will be ok with the cancer. I doubt that it is that serious, but you never know.
I did not mean for you to have to say you were sorry, but I appreciate the caring.
As far as her making health decisions, she is all I have. I am all she has. We are both very educated and are medical people, so I trust her as she trusts me. If I was single, I have no idea who I would want to make health care decisions for me. I would probably find a doctor or nurse that I have
worked with.
She has her health issues and I have mine. Her issues are more important then mine, lol.
I cant imagine life without her.
Thanks again all
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Post by northstarmom on Dec 22, 2017 11:00:08 GMT -5
“I did not mean for you to have to say you were sorry, but I appreciate the caring.”
Our response was the way normal people respond to hearing of another’s hardship. Even though we don’t know you personally, we still care about your welfare.
“As far as her making health decisions, she is all I have. I am all she has. We are both very educated and are medical people, so I trust her as she trusts me. If I was single, I have no idea who I would want to make health care decisions for me. I would probably find a doctor or nurse that I have
worked with.”
Serious question: have you no close friends or relatives whom you can talk to about your concerns and who’d listen and respond compassionately, not make it about them?
Given how you have described your wife’s reaction, she doesn’t seem like a person whom to trust to make medical decisions in your behalf. She already has made your cancer about her. She could do the same with medical decisions if you were unable to choose for yourself. For instance, maybe you would want a do not resuscitate order under some circumstances, but if those circumstances arose, she might not allow it and you’d be left alive but greatly impaired.
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Post by brian on Dec 22, 2017 19:44:39 GMT -5
“I did not mean for you to have to say you were sorry, but I appreciate the caring.” Our response was the way normal people respond to hearing of another’s hardship. Even though we don’t know you personally, we still care about your welfare. “As far as her making health decisions, she is all I have. I am all she has. We are both very educated and are medical people, so I trust her as she trusts me. If I was single, I have no idea who I would want to make health care decisions for me. I would probably find a doctor or nurse that I have worked with.” Serious question: have you no close friends or relatives whom you can talk to about your concerns and who’d listen and respond compassionately, not make it about them? Given how you have described your wife’s reaction, she doesn’t seem like a person whom to trust to make medical decisions in your behalf. She already has made your cancer about her. She could do the same with medical decisions if you were unable to choose for yourself. For instance, maybe you would want a do not resuscitate order under some circumstances, but if those circumstances arose, she might not allow it and you’d be left alive but greatly impaired. Not to make light of the situation, but I would have made an example of the other way... you WOULD want to be resuscitated but she decides, "nah, he'll just want sex. Let him go."  |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2017 0:00:38 GMT -5
“I did not mean for you to have to say you were sorry, but I appreciate the caring.” Our response was the way normal people respond to hearing of another’s hardship. Even though we don’t know you personally, we still care about your welfare. “As far as her making health decisions, she is all I have. I am all she has. We are both very educated and are medical people, so I trust her as she trusts me. If I was single, I have no idea who I would want to make health care decisions for me. I would probably find a doctor or nurse that I have worked with.” Serious question: have you no close friends or relatives whom you can talk to about your concerns and who’d listen and respond compassionately, not make it about them? Given how you have described your wife’s reaction, she doesn’t seem like a person whom to trust to make medical decisions in your behalf. She already has made your cancer about her. She could do the same with medical decisions if you were unable to choose for yourself. For instance, maybe you would want a do not resuscitate order under some circumstances, but if those circumstances arose, she might not allow it and you’d be left alive but greatly impaired. I do not have friends. I have divorced parents in their 80s who I act as a bit of a care taker for. Each is mostly independent. I do trust my wife with the health decisions. She has history that shows she can make the right decision. There are many reasons that I stay with my wife.... Interesting thing about DNR. I have done CPR on many patients, and also taken people off life support. People think that if they sign a DNR order that it will be followed. As long as the family is in agreement that would be the case. But when the family does not want a DNR it gets sticky. Consider: A wife is the hospital room when her husband becomes unresponsive and would require CPR to live. If he has a DNR and she demands that CPR be done, it will be done. I have seen it happen a bunch of times. I asked the hospital attorney about this. I was told the they dont get sued over giving too much care. They may get sued when the family demands more care, and it is not given, even if it ignores the patients wishes. They may not win, but there is bad publicity and it cost money. Save |
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