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Post by Caris on Dec 17, 2017 10:50:21 GMT -5
There are days when I feel weary from being single. Today is one of those days. I’m far from being ready for a relationship, yet as a flesh and blood woman, I miss a man in my life. I miss the touch of a man, the attention of a man, the sharing, affection, and someone to open the lid on a jar. Yeah, even those little things. I value my space and alone time, but 27-years is a long time to go without most of these things. I’m getting stirrings of desire, and to be desired. Hopefully, they’ll pass. With such a shortage of available single men that I find attractive (and God willing, find me attractive), the chances are slim, so even if I were ready, it wouldn’t do me much good given all the variables that would have to come together to make that happen.
Just feeling lonely today. Winter and the holidays seem to intensify this, and please no suggestions on joining clubs etc. I’ve done that. I even have invitations, but deep connection and intimacy with someone special is not the same as small talk with strangers and new acquaintances. They are two different things, and the first is what I miss today.
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Post by misssunnybunny on Dec 17, 2017 11:01:42 GMT -5
Caris, totally get this. I've been feeling lonely lately also. I have great friends and a decent social life, but am missing that intimate connection that only a close, loving relationship with a man can bring. The holidays definitely do not help. I keep telling myself I have to stay strong and I'll get through this, but some days it is hard to be alone.
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Post by bballgirl on Dec 17, 2017 11:47:27 GMT -5
Hugs. Hang in there.
Xoxo
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Post by northstarmom on Dec 17, 2017 14:02:32 GMT -5
I agree that there’s a big difference between longtime friends and new acquaintances. It takes time for an acquaintance to become a real friend.
Other than when I participate in a brief conversation just to pass otherwise boring time pleasantly such as when I’m in a supermarket line, I don’t have much interest in superficial conversations with strangers. I like to have real conversations in which I learn about people’s passions, hopes, experiences. I’ve found that many people are open to such conversations if I am willing to ask certain questions, listen nonjudgmenrally to answer and also openly answer the same questions myself.
Some of the questions I have found that establish connections are:
What do you do for fun? Then, I ask follow-up questions about how they got involved in that and what they most enjoy about it. If a person says that because of work or caregiving they don’t have time for fun, I ask what they would do if they had time, and I ask what attracts them to the idea of doing such things.
And I also as part of the conversation talk about how when I was in m mid 50s, I got involved in acting.
I have learned a lot of interesting things by asking those questions and also have made some friends. Such a question also is a great way of learning about other people’s values.
If a person can’t or won’t respond to such a question, I have found it is best for me to move on because either they are too depressed or too guarded for me to establish a bond with. My ex would get a deer in the headlights look in such conversations. What I experience as being open and authentic, he experienced as nosy and threatening. I learned that people who responded like him were not good fits for me, but were likely to prefer conversations with people who talked about the latest sports game.
Another question I have found as a great opener to get to know someone is, “if you could go anywhere, where would it be?”
Another: “what’s on your bucket list?”
Others are; “What’s your favorite book or movie? And then following up with, “What did you like about it?”
I think what works for me about those questions is they help me identify people who could become good friends. I value openness, creativity, being a lifelong learner, having compassion, trying to make the world a better place. If a person has some similar bales as mine that typically means there’s a basis to begin building a strong friendship even if at first glance we wouldn’t seem to have much in common.
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Post by Caris on Dec 17, 2017 19:48:53 GMT -5
Like I said, northstarmom, those are not the relationships I’m missing. Even if I had spent the day with my best friend, it’s not the same as a romantic, intimate relationship. |
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Post by WindSister on Dec 22, 2017 9:45:50 GMT -5
(((((Hugs to you))))))
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Post by saarinista on Dec 24, 2017 2:36:06 GMT -5
Caris, I know how you feel. the holidays are the worst time to be alone and/or lonely. Ugh, I feel so alone right now too with Christmas and New Year's here.
Just know that your discontent is normal, and try to have hope for better tomorrow. Sigh. You're not alone in your misery. 💕 hugs.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Dec 24, 2017 12:55:32 GMT -5
Holidays don't really present a bigger problem for me. During these times, I tend to have more opportunities for distraction (both productive and unproductive).
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listedship
Junior Member
Posts: 38 
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by listedship on Dec 28, 2017 17:18:28 GMT -5
There are days when I feel weary from being single. Today is one of those days. I’m far from being ready for a relationship, yet as a flesh and blood woman, I miss a man in my life. I miss the touch of a man, the attention of a man, the sharing, affection, and someone to open the lid on a jar. Yeah, even those little things. I value my space and alone time, but 27-years is a long time to go without most of these things. I’m getting stirrings of desire, and to be desired. Hopefully, they’ll pass. With such a shortage of available single men that I find attractive (and God willing, find me attractive), the chances are slim, so even if I were ready, it wouldn’t do me much good given all the variables that would have to come together to make that happen. Just feeling lonely today. Winter and the holidays seem to intensify this, and please no suggestions on joining clubs etc. I’ve done that. I even have invitations, but deep connection and intimacy with someone special is not the same as small talk with strangers and new acquaintances. They are two different things, and the first is what I miss today. Caris - you are not the only one, I am not sure if it is just shorter days, remembering calling in to work and playing in the warm sheets when it is cold outside, or just the holidays. Today is a day that I feel void. |
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Post by Caris on Dec 30, 2017 0:39:15 GMT -5
listedship, I’m sorry. I feel that void too. We just have to wait for it to pass. Wishing you well.
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Post by M2G on Jan 1, 2018 9:06:04 GMT -5
There are days when I feel weary from being single. Today is one of those days. I’m far from being ready for a relationship, yet as a flesh and blood woman, I miss a man in my life. I miss the touch of a man, the attention of a man, the sharing, affection, and someone to open the lid on a jar. Yeah, even those little things. I value my space and alone time, but 27-years is a long time to go without most of these things. I’m getting stirrings of desire, and to be desired. Hopefully, they’ll pass. With such a shortage of available single men that I find attractive (and God willing, find me attractive), the chances are slim, so even if I were ready, it wouldn’t do me much good given all the variables that would have to come together to make that happen. Just feeling lonely today. Winter and the holidays seem to intensify this, and please no suggestions on joining clubs etc. I’ve done that. I even have invitations, but deep connection and intimacy with someone special is not the same as small talk with strangers and new acquaintances. They are two different things, and the first is what I miss today. I can so sympathize Caris - I feel in the same boat - there is another person in the house but the place (except for the cats) seems completely empty. I don't feel welcome here. I don't feel desired so much as loathed. An imposition. Even a necessary evil. As listedship says - void, as in "null and.." Meeting people, well, it's my job - but that's a job and while I really do enjoy it, it just isn't the same as all. Hopefully we can make a better go of life in 2018 because I, for one, think we're all due some happiness for a change. (((hugs))) |
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Post by Caris on Jan 1, 2018 19:57:43 GMT -5
There are days when I feel weary from being single. Today is one of those days. I’m far from being ready for a relationship, yet as a flesh and blood woman, I miss a man in my life. I miss the touch of a man, the attention of a man, the sharing, affection, and someone to open the lid on a jar. Yeah, even those little things. I value my space and alone time, but 27-years is a long time to go without most of these things. I’m getting stirrings of desire, and to be desired. Hopefully, they’ll pass. With such a shortage of available single men that I find attractive (and God willing, find me attractive), the chances are slim, so even if I were ready, it wouldn’t do me much good given all the variables that would have to come together to make that happen. Just feeling lonely today. Winter and the holidays seem to intensify this, and please no suggestions on joining clubs etc. I’ve done that. I even have invitations, but deep connection and intimacy with someone special is not the same as small talk with strangers and new acquaintances. They are two different things, and the first is what I miss today. I can so sympathize Caris - I feel in the same boat - there is another person in the house but the place (except for the cats) seems completely empty. I don't feel welcome here. I don't feel desired so much as loathed. An imposition. Even a necessary evil. As listedship says - void, as in "null and.." Meeting people, well, it's my job - but that's a job and while I really do enjoy it, it just isn't the same as all. Hopefully we can make a better go of life in 2018 because I, for one, think we're all due some happiness for a change. (((hugs))) I’m truly sorry, M2G. I wish I had a magic wand for us all. Thanks for the hugs. I need them a lot right now. Hugs back at you, and Happy New Year! |
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