A red flag, or much to do about nothing?

I felt that way for an easy ten years or longer. Than as the kids became teenagers, I read more and more helpful information about boundaries, manipulative control, sexless marriages, narcissism,  applied the Bible, and spoke with attorneys. That's when I discovered the already irreversible damage that is being done in raising my family in such an environment. That they too will grow up to be narcissistic like their mom, or far to passive like their dad. So better to put the brakes on it now and try for a better alternative and a healing process ,instead of continuing down a destructive path.