Phase Two

This remains a good site for someone divorcing their refuser and rebuilding their life.

Have you consulted with a lawyer?

I understand.

But moving out having seen a lawyer is much SMARTER than moving out not having seen one.

Find one and book an appointment. Today. Much more important than buying IKEA furniture.

My last update was the back in December...and boy have things moved on!

I moved in with my brother who was working for the same company as me, which meant that we could help each other out a bit.
3 months on and both of us were sick of that company, and so we decided to quit together and move halfway across the country to work for a different company in the same field.

Big road trip, 4 days on the road, landed At a friend's' place for a few weeks while we found a rental and now we are set up.
Still working bloody hard for idiots, but they are less idiotic idiots than the last company....

My ex has settled nicely in her little village of around 500 people and has grown a network of good friends in the community.
Over Christmas she hired a truck and I drove it for her to move all her stuff up there, 2600km in 4 days plus loading and unloading, I was exhausted!

If she was living just up the road I wouldn't have moved interstate.
As it was, a 4 hour drive to see my daughter was hard to do often, and I wasn't seeing a huge amount of her, so adding a 3 hour flight isnt such a big deal especially as I can take a week off to visit if I want.
I've had one visit since moving up and I'll be booking flights for the next one shortly.
My ex has also agreed to bring her up here for a visit in a few months.

We are now able to be friends again, and talk amicably on the phone a few times a week.

In the final split she probably ended up with 70-80% of the asset value, but I got the things that were important to me such as my collection of books, some of them quite valuable, and my vintage hand tools and specialist power tools etc...I just let her have all the furniture, I didn't want most of it, had nowhere to put it, and was looking at a long distance move anyway.
Some of the large power tools like the pedestal drill and thicknesser and table saw are still "mine" but are in her workshop and she is welcome to them to use until such time as I ever move back down and have my own workshop.
That's such a remote and unlikely event that I will probably end up telling her to keep them anyway.

The biggest change in my life however has come pretty recently.
Several weeks ago I began chatting with a nice lady about my age (turns out she's a year younger than me) and we seemed to have a bit in common (although we are very different in other ways...) and after a few weeks of that we went on a date, enjoyed ourselves, went on another date, and have pretty much spent almost every night together since...although more often at her place than mine as she has dogs that need feeding etc so it's more convenient.

At last I have someone who WANTS to touch me, who asks me to touch them, who sighs with pleasure when I run my hands across her body...sex isn't a problem because we BOTH want it, and lots of it...
Skin to skin snuggles, funnily enough the biggest thing I missed with my ex despite sleeping in the same bed for years, that has been awesome..cuddling up after falling apart exhausted then staying snuggled until we wake up in the morning...this has been the best bit of all...
Even if we separate from the cuddle we are instinctively still touching.

After years of the lectures and rejection and so on, I found it very hard to get back into the swing of things...I almost blew the whole thing by being terrified to make a move lest it be rejected...but in the end it worked out...my hang-ups and idiosyncrasies gained over the past few years of conditioning are melting slowly away...she likes me taking control which was thoroughly drummed out of me before, and she loves to do things which I have never had a partner willing to do, so although I wanted to try those things it kinda subconsciously freaked me out...not much more embarrassing than going soft when someone starts doing something she really wants to do and you really want her to do but a psychological barrier is saying no....but we are working on it!
For the first time in a long time I am feeling happy, content, at peace with the world, and I just want to smile all the time...or as she says I have my "shit-eating grin on again"...
Life is good.
She broke up with her ex a few weeks after I broke up with mine. We were both in that relationship for about the same length of time.
We both experienced at least a year of really shitty sex life before breakup.
We both have had a few one nighters in the months after breakup and we're both not chasing anything serious but open to such, but I think we have snagged each other quite soundly for now...

We are having a rare night apart tonight which is why I was reflecting on how things have changed, and decided to come on here and update things...it has turned into a bit of a word dump, and I'm sorry if I'm rambling on a bit, but I am now happy and living proof that things can be better on the other side....
I may find myself single again in a week, a month, a year, or I may have found myself a keeper....nobody can know for sure...but if this falls over I now have my mojo back and I won't be like a kicked dog hiding under the table any more!!!
Onwards and upwards!!!
Life isn't perfect, but it's a damn sight better than I thought possible last year...

About four and a half months left before I can file the divorce papers and finalise that side of things.
Here you must wait 12 months after lodging a notice of separation before the family court will allow a divorce application.
I don't see any problems with it, she won't contest it, but I'll have to pay the fee as she doesn't give two hoots if she has the piece of paper or not.
Suits me fine though.

Glad to read of your update!