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Post by greatcoastal on Nov 15, 2017 14:22:02 GMT -5
“That can be easily addressed by mentioning you have something like 11 kids and are the primary caregiver. “ Do not say this while job hunting. You will not get hired. Employees would be very concerned that your family responsibilities will hurt your job performance. If you get the job make your lawyer/court appointments your lunch breaks. If you must use other work time call it dental appointments. That’s not likely to cause concern to employers because dental problems usually don’t cause unending absences. This is a hard subject to get around. It's THE explanation of the 14 yr gap. It's also my reason for leaving the jobs that I had. To be home with the children. You add onto that adopting children from a foreign country and being home and home schooling them. There comes a point where I hope the category of being stay at home dad, homeschooler, coach, and chauffeur, ends up being worth something, if not admirable. I've read at some other time where an employer will easily understand this reason for "the gap". In my interview I openly mentioned I've been homeschooling my 6 kids". As you might of expected ,he responded,"you are still schooling them?" I quickly said," NO...no more homeschool,they are all going to public school, 3 of them are done with school, and another is duel enrolled,the youngest rides the bus." That let him know I was available. This is one of the reasons I wanted to wait until the divorce was over, and I had a new address. I understand that it would seal any dispute about what my earning wage should be, or that I am just a lazy leach who will always refuse to work and claim "I need to be home for the children!". Heck, 10 yrs ago when my daughter started kindergarten I was so fired up to go back to work! Instead I constantly got hammered with,"homeschool, homeschool, the children, all for the children." On a side note: years of being home, less homeschooling to do, more time on my hands, living near the ocean, all sounds wonderful...doesn't it? Well...IT IS! Yet it's like green grass syndrome. Its different from having days off from work. When you have segments of your days free. Hard to plan much of an event alone, remaining alone, remaining true to your spouse, the family, the budget, all the responsabilities. It gets very un fullfilling and quite boring actually.... but enough about that! |
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 15, 2017 15:17:02 GMT -5
“In my interview I openly mentioned I've been homeschooling my 6 kids". “
Don’t say how many kids you have. Just say you were homeschooling your kids. Do not volunteer any info about how many kids you have or their ages. For all prospective employers know, you homeschooled 2 kids k-1: and they now are grown and gone. Unless you volunteer the info, employers will not assume you have 6 kids. And you definitely don’t want them to.
If you live in the US, there should be a free service in your area where you can get employment help including about interviewing and resumes. Your state office of economic opportunity should have info about this. It was of great help to me when I was going through my divorce.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 15, 2017 15:25:41 GMT -5
“There comes a point where I hope the category of being stay at home dad, homeschooler, coach, and chauffeur, ends up being worth something, if not admirable. I've read at some other time where an employer will easily understand this reason for "the gap".
Some of the most brilliant and well organized people I know have been or are homeschoolers. I also have met and heard about some people who homeschooled because they were too lazy or mentally ill to get their kids to a regular school. One friend, for instance just learned her grandkids, who live 1,000 miles away are illiterate at age 16 because her daughter in law who was supposed to be homeschooling was doing next to nothing except abusing the kids and trying to poison their dad.
It is up to you to present your homeschooling experiences in a way that shows employers what you have to offer them. For instance, your experience chauffeuring your kids might make you a suitable school bus driver. Perhaps you could work in a tutoring agency.
But you have to take the time and effort to make the connection. Otherwise, employers likely will choose someone else whose experience is more obviously job related.
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Post by worksforme2 on Nov 15, 2017 16:09:44 GMT -5
I am in agreement with pretty much everything said so far. Say nothing unless specifically ask. Then answer the specifics of the question. It's none of their business. I see divorce following your 25yr. marriage as likely being viewed as your having received the "best yrs. of her life" and now you kicking her to the curb. The typical male midlife crisis solution to an aging wife. I specifically agree with northstarmom about keeping mum on any court date. It only requires more explanation each time a court date rolls around. To piggy back on that they will not ask. It is against EEOC guidelines to use anything other than a bone-fied job requirement for employment. So they can't ask. If you don't volunteer the information? They won't know. Problem solved. It's probably against EEOC guidelines for a movie producer to require an actress to watch him masturbate or a director asking her to join him on a casting couch. But it looks like it those kind of things still get asked pretty regularly. And it's pretty common for an employer to do a credit check on a potential employee even though there is nothing related to the handling or managing of money or anything financially related to the position being sought. I doubt EEOC guidelines allow for the monitoring of an employees use of social websites, but we know that's pretty common. I could go on but you hopefully aren't so naïve that you believe certain behaviors don't occur because they are against EEOC guidelines. |
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Post by shamwow on Nov 15, 2017 23:40:11 GMT -5
To piggy back on that they will not ask. It is against EEOC guidelines to use anything other than a bone-fied job requirement for employment. So they can't ask. If you don't volunteer the information? They won't know. Problem solved. It's probably against EEOC guidelines for a movie producer to require an actress to watch him masturbate or a director asking her to join him on a casting couch. But it looks like it those kind of things still get asked pretty regularly. And it's pretty common for an employer to do a credit check on a potential employee even though there is nothing related to the handling or managing of money or anything financially related to the position being sought. I doubt EEOC guidelines allow for the monitoring of an employees use of social websites, but we know that's pretty common. I could go on but you hopefully aren't so naïve that you believe certain behaviors don't occur because they are against EEOC guidelines. True. But only a foolish employer would directly ask the question. And only n equally foolish candidate would volunteer the information. I was just responding to the original question as to whether this information should be volunteered. |
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 16, 2017 13:33:08 GMT -5
“He asked if I needed the income? I said" no, my Wife is the provider, she's an EE." That's true, however, how much income will I be needing after my divorce? I don't know yet. I said nothing else. I'm feeling dishonest.”
A problem with saying you don’t need the income is you might get paid lots more than your worth. Another problem is a prospective employer might think you’ll quit at the first stressful incident.
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Post by greatcoastal on Nov 17, 2017 8:59:58 GMT -5
I got the JOB!!
I start in an hour!
They just called and asked if I could come in!
(looks like I will be on here less and less)
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 17, 2017 9:15:45 GMT -5
WTG!!!
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Post by worksforme2 on Nov 17, 2017 9:25:42 GMT -5
I got the JOB!! I start in an hour! They just called and asked if I could come in! (looks like I will be on ere less and less) Excellent.... |
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Post by bballgirl on Nov 17, 2017 9:29:54 GMT -5
Congrats!!
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 17, 2017 9:54:45 GMT -5
What kind of job did you get? Your success is inspiration for the many here who feel stuck in a sm because they have been SAH parents and haven’t worked outside the home in years.
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Post by tamara68 on Nov 17, 2017 12:07:12 GMT -5
I got the JOB!! I start in an hour! They just called and asked if I could come in! (looks like I will be on here less and less) I am very happy for you! Congratulations  |
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Post by greatcoastal on Nov 21, 2017 21:26:07 GMT -5
I want to post this....and I don't want to post this!
Well....here I am. I was asked to come in to work. I worked half a day. I filled out a W-4 form. I was told " we will call you and tell you when we need to schedule you". That sounded a little strange, but, I was trying to remain in a very up-beat, serving, cooperative mood.
I went in near the end of the day Monday to ask "when they wanted me to come back?" I was told " Thanks for coming, thanks for helping us, but, we are going to take a different approach".
Again my mind was set on being as cooperative as possible, so I simply said "that must of been difficult for you to say that?" she said," no, not really, I've had to do it before". That was that.
I've never had that happen before, ever! That was really weird! ( a very generic, nothing, explanation- don't ya think?) Something smells bad! I spoke about in detail with a friend. He asked me" did you tell anyone? Any of your family? "I told grandpa and the kids". My friend suspects grandpa told your W. my W. called and said nasty accusations about me. His advice was "don't mention it at all for the next job. Don't even say where your going around the house, don't tell anyone."
I'm telling you...this is all so...foreign to me!!Such trickery, deceitfulness, underhandedness...way beyond my pay grade!!
Honestly it hurt!! It was more REJECTION! Big time! You would think I'd be good at it by now? You would think I could handle it?
WELL...I can, ( mostly) and I'm going to! I will apply for other jobs and press on with the faith that things will work out, trial and error, I will take the risk.
To tie this in to my original post- The next interview I went on I mentioned " I am getting divorced in 2 months I am going to have to miss 3 or 4 days. Then it's over with." It just seemed better that way. It eliminates any suspicion of what my W could do.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 21, 2017 22:26:40 GMT -5
I'm so sorry. That is such a gut wrenching disappointment.
"To tie this in to my original post- The next interview I went on I mentioned " I am getting divorced in 2 months I am going to have to miss 3 or 4 days. Then it's over with." It just seemed better that way. It eliminates any suspicion of what my W could do."
Do not tell them you are getting divorced. It is not their business. You can take time off and not tell them why. I've explained before that employers could be concerned that due to the stress of the divorce, you'd not be a good employees. You can always call in sick on the job. The most important thing now is to land the job.
Do not tell your children or FIL where you're working. If they need to reach you, they can tell your cell phone. Yes, your STBX may try to deep six your job opportunities, so don't let her. That's why you don't tell your kids or your FIL.
As for the job you lost, I find it odd that they called you and expected you to come right in to work. I suspect they are running some kind of scam. See if you get paid.....
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Post by tamara68 on Nov 22, 2017 3:46:34 GMT -5
I am very sorry but it sounds to me like a very bad employer. You are better off without that. If you tell anything about your divorce , make sure that you dont make it sound like a problem. Or as if you are apologizing in advance for any inconvenience.
Tell about it in a confident way. As if it isn't any burden.
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