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Post by greatcoastal on Nov 14, 2017 14:51:39 GMT -5
I just had a job interview. it was very difficult to not say anything about ending my marriage and a divorce coming up.
It's part time work and requires training. They most likely need someone who can stick around for a long time and work 2 days a week. All fine for me, for now. I'm not a genie with a crystal ball. I do have ideas about the future.
The doctor who interviewed me told me about himself, his own divorce, and he plans on leaving his practice in 3 yrs.
He asked how long have I been married? I said," 25 yrs". He said "oh, you're not going anywhere". I said nothing. Actually I most likely will be relocating across town. I can still work there. Even with alimony I want to support myself.
He asked if I needed the income? I said" no, my Wife is the provider, she's an EE." That's true, however, how much income will I be needing after my divorce? I don't know yet. I said nothing else. I'm feeling dishonest.
He asked why I wanted to work? was I just looking to get out of the house? I said" yes my kids are all older and in public school now, I don't need to be home as much." That was true. yet I also need employment to help my case- I said nothing about that.
Eventually I'm going to need full time work so I can have healthcare.
I was advised "don't bring up the divorce it's none of their business".
I don't know. It's a big part of my business and it will affect things in the months to come.
others tell me, people come and go at jobs all the time for all kinds of reasons. Don't worry about it. I do worry about it. I feel dishonest not mentioning it.
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Post by bballgirl on Nov 14, 2017 15:30:46 GMT -5
You were not dishonest, you just did not share information about your personal life during a job interview. Honestly if you would have shared the fact that you are going through a divorce and may be relocating then you may not get the job. Put yourself first, advocate for yourself first and think about your future and what you want for yourself. Putting others first is what got us all into these SM's. Again you were not dishonest and your personal life is none of their business.
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Post by shamwow on Nov 14, 2017 16:20:32 GMT -5
I wouldn't bring it up. None of their business.
That being said, since you are in the later stages, make sure that you will be able to make your court dates and such without kicking your new employer in the teeth. That can be easily addressed by mentioning you have something like 11 kids and are the primary caregiver. Employers are usually pretty relaxed nowadays in the case of family emergencies. Those happen to everyone. They are less relaxed about family drama. They'd prefer a candidate without that.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 14, 2017 16:59:54 GMT -5
You were right not to bring it up during the interview. Also don’t bring it up on the job. People gossip and make assumptions that could hurt your career.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Nov 14, 2017 17:00:23 GMT -5
I agree that it is not appropriate to bring up the pending divorce in the interview. If you do get the job and you pass probation or training, then you can slowly let on what is going on when you need a particular day to make it to court. Until that time, this is NOT their business and it will not do well to show all your laundry at the first interview.
Until something further happens with the divorce becoming final, I would keep this info to the support group you attend and close family/friends or other familiars. Bosses do not need to know about your marital status, honestly. His quip of a reply wasn't really appropriate either, IMO.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 14, 2017 17:30:29 GMT -5
I don’t even suggest telling them when you are going to court for the divorce. Tell them you have a doctor or similar appointment. That’s what I did when I interviewed and then got hired while divorcing. Keep your personal life private or else they may make assumptions about you that hurt you.
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Post by greatcoastal on Nov 15, 2017 11:12:08 GMT -5
I wouldn't bring it up. None of their business. That being said, since you are in the later stages, make sure that you will be able to make your court dates and such without kicking your new employer in the teeth. That can be easily addressed by mentioning you have something like 11 kids and are the primary caregiver. Employers are usually pretty relaxed nowadays in the case of family emergencies. Those happen to everyone. They are less relaxed about family drama. They'd prefer a candidate without that. I figured the court dates will be like any other reason for not coming to work for a day. A very good reason! and not something that will happen again. I took some comfort in hearing that the doctor had been divorced. I wonder about the rest of the staff? I'm no longer surprised by the number of people that I meet who are my age that are already divorced. My 25 yr. marriage is becoming the exception. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Nov 15, 2017 11:23:04 GMT -5
I agree that it is not appropriate to bring up the pending divorce in the interview. If you do get the job and you pass probation or training, then you can slowly let on what is going on when you need a particular day to make it to court. Until that time, this is NOT their business and it will not do well to show all your laundry at the first interview. Until something further happens with the divorce becoming final, I would keep this info to the support group you attend and close family/friends or other familiars. Bosses do not need to know about your marital status, honestly. His quip of a reply wasn't really appropriate either, IMO. With this being one of my first interviews, I have to wonder what type questions I will get. With my whole role reversal thing, and the 14 yr gap in my resume., even when it is for part time M.W. work. I was asked to fill out a job application. I thought,"what for? everything is already on my resume?" Then I remembered an experience 28 yrs ago. I took a job application home with me so I could type it out. You know, nice, neat, and professional looking. The next morning the man was not pleased. I explained to him that I know how to type,and if he would look at my application he would see that i had been working as an architectural illustrator for years, working with,and drawing architectural plans every day. He then explained to me," we get a lot of guys who come in here and can't read and write, so they get someone else to do it for them". I was over-qualified! |
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Post by shamwow on Nov 15, 2017 11:24:07 GMT -5
I wouldn't bring it up. None of their business. That being said, since you are in the later stages, make sure that you will be able to make your court dates and such without kicking your new employer in the teeth. That can be easily addressed by mentioning you have something like 11 kids and are the primary caregiver. Employers are usually pretty relaxed nowadays in the case of family emergencies. Those happen to everyone. They are less relaxed about family drama. They'd prefer a candidate without that. I figured the court dates will be like any other reason for not coming to work for a day. A very good reason! and not something that will happen again. I took some comfort in hearing that the doctor had been divorced. I wonder about the rest of the staff? I'm no longer surprised by the number of people that I meet who are my age that are already divorced. My 25 yr. marriage is becoming the exception. Sad but true. But just because divorce isn't uncommon doesn't mean you won't catch shit over it from time to time. I caught a dirty look from a nurse at my daughter's doctor when she learned I was divorced (ex and I went together). My guess is her ex was a dick or she had an ax to grind. Just be aware you will likely catch crap for what other people have done by virtue of being a divorced guy. |
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 15, 2017 12:05:19 GMT -5
“That can be easily addressed by mentioning you have something like 11 kids and are the primary caregiver. “
Do not say this while job hunting. You will not get hired. Employees would be very concerned that your family responsibilities will hurt your job performance.
If you get the job make your lawyer/court appointments your lunch breaks. If you must use other work time call it dental appointments. That’s not likely to cause concern to employers because dental problems usually don’t cause unending absences.
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Post by worksforme2 on Nov 15, 2017 12:16:56 GMT -5
I am in agreement with pretty much everything said so far. Say nothing unless specifically ask. Then answer the specifics of the question. It's none of their business. I see divorce following your 25yr. marriage as likely being viewed as your having received the "best yrs. of her life" and now you kicking her to the curb. The typical male midlife crisis solution to an aging wife.
I specifically agree with northstarmom about keeping mum on any court date. It only requires more explanation each time a court date rolls around.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 15, 2017 12:48:23 GMT -5
I think that with the exception of attempting to be employed at a regiously affiliated institution, employers won’t care if you are divorced. They care, but can’t ask about chronic illnesses, caretaking responsibilities, pregnancies, disabilities.
I suggest not telling prospective employers and coworkers about your divorce. They may think that due to stress, you will not be able to de good at your job.
There are exceptions. Weeks before my divorce was final, I accepted a job at the university where my stbx had worked for 20 years and where I had previously worked with him for 7 years. We had been well known as a couple there. I made a point of letting people know we were divorced . I was already in a relationship and knew that I might be seen with my partner. I didn’t want people to think I was a cheater. I also let a few people know — enough that word would spread - that my ex had moved abroad near the child he thought he’d fathered during our marriage. Only reason I shared such personal info on a new job is I didn’t want people to assume my husband had left me Due to my cheating.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 15, 2017 12:51:12 GMT -5
“. I see divorce following your 25yr. marriage as likely being viewed as your having received the "best yrs. of her life" and now you kicking her to the curb. “
People would read whatever they want. Employers, however, might be concerned that the stress of divorce would interfere with his work performance. Learning he has custody of a bunch of kids would add to employers’ reservations about hiring him.
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Post by DryCreek on Nov 15, 2017 12:58:27 GMT -5
The list is growing of things that are off-topic for interviews, and you're not expected to volunteer that info for the same reasons. It creates bias in the interviewer whether they realize it or not.
For example, just this week, NYC joined several other cities where it's now illegal to ask what a candidate's current and prior salary are, on the basis that they should be offering what they believe the candidate is worth in a given position and not based on how well they negotiated their last salary. (Underlying theme is to close the gap for gender and racial biases.)
As for whether to disclose the court dates once you're hired, that's up to you. I would say that you're obliged to give notice as early as possible that you have a priority activity, but whether you share more is up to you.
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Post by shamwow on Nov 15, 2017 13:01:54 GMT -5
I am in agreement with pretty much everything said so far. Say nothing unless specifically ask. Then answer the specifics of the question. It's none of their business. I see divorce following your 25yr. marriage as likely being viewed as your having received the "best yrs. of her life" and now you kicking her to the curb. The typical male midlife crisis solution to an aging wife. I specifically agree with northstarmom about keeping mum on any court date. It only requires more explanation each time a court date rolls around. To piggy back on that they will not ask. It is against EEOC guidelines to use anything other than a bone-fied job requirement for employment. So they can't ask. If you don't volunteer the information? They won't know. Problem solved. |
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