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Post by GeekGoddess on Nov 14, 2017 16:47:19 GMT -5
shamwow - the gym I go to has a lot of different body styles of dancer. We had large women, women over 30, small & dainty women, and one man all give performances. It is not a strip show. These are choreographed and/or gymnastic sport type displays. Yes - some are also naughty or overtly sexy (the group Twerk dance was the bomb!). But if you hang out at my AA hall and you know me, then you know I take pole class. And that I'm not that good at it but it is a KILLER workout. I hope that by next year's student showcase, I'm capable to clean the poles (in between numbers - cleaners need to be able to go all the way up approximately 20 times during this show). Still - there were men and women in the audience - and some mothers of the performers too! It's a very welcoming group and they are all about empowerment. Honestly - I do feel like taking a guy to a show like this is a good litmus test. I can handle it if a guy drools or cheers these other ladies - I, myself, am in total AWE of them. Especially the large-bodied ones and the one performer who is about to hit 60 years old and looks amazing and dances like she's 40 y.o. These women are real, regular people - like me. We want to do amazing things, look great doing them (strike that: FEEL great doing them) and it keeps us fit, as an added bonus. I've known the guy for about 6 months - I just felt bad about not covering the level of "bar" feel that this may entail. He has 10 months as of yesterday (the night after that show). Still - I saw him this afternoon and it does seem like we will be able to maintain friendship. We both simply agree that while we make great friends, and will be a GREAT partner for someone - we are not each other's someone. We just aren't compatible in our ideas of romance. I'm glad, though, that we both agree and it doesn't have to feel like either of us has something "wrong" with us. I'm really glad he didn't get ego-hurt and that we can still be friends.
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Post by shamwow on Nov 14, 2017 17:39:07 GMT -5
shamwow - the gym I go to has a lot of different body styles of dancer. We had large women, women over 30, small & dainty women, and one man all give performances. It is not a strip show. These are choreographed and/or gymnastic sport type displays. Yes - some are also naughty or overtly sexy (the group Twerk dance was the bomb!). But if you hang out at my AA hall and you know me, then you know I take pole class. And that I'm not that good at it but it is a KILLER workout. I hope that by next year's student showcase, I'm capable to clean the poles (in between numbers - cleaners need to be able to go all the way up approximately 20 times during this show). Still - there were men and women in the audience - and some mothers of the performers too! It's a very welcoming group and they are all about empowerment. Honestly - I do feel like taking a guy to a show like this is a good litmus test. I can handle it if a guy drools or cheers these other ladies - I, myself, am in total AWE of them. Especially the large-bodied ones and the one performer who is about to hit 60 years old and looks amazing and dances like she's 40 y.o. These women are real, regular people - like me. We want to do amazing things, look great doing them (strike that: FEEL great doing them) and it keeps us fit, as an added bonus. I've known the guy for about 6 months - I just felt bad about not covering the level of "bar" feel that this may entail. He has 10 months as of yesterday (the night after that show). Still - I saw him this afternoon and it does seem like we will be able to maintain friendship. We both simply agree that while we make great friends, and will be a GREAT partner for someone - we are not each other's someone. We just aren't compatible in our ideas of romance. I'm glad, though, that we both agree and it doesn't have to feel like either of us has something "wrong" with us. I'm really glad he didn't get ego-hurt and that we can still be friends. Gotcha. I do tend to put myself into these scenarios sometimes and between the concert and being 10 months sober myself, I let my pea brain run wild with it. Sorry, big sis! |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2017 18:55:39 GMT -5
GeekGoddess , I'd say you practiced something we all here need a lot more of: intolerance and decisiveness. Holding your needs in high regard and being intolerant of someone who doesn't make the grade, rather than dragging it out to see if you can lower your expectations to his level. It's a healthy thing. Yes! This. And also, that you trusted yourself to know what you want and the disconnect between what you observed and experienced. Major growth points! I hope I'll get there one day too! |
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Post by tamara68 on Nov 15, 2017 13:23:19 GMT -5
I am convinced you didn't make a mistake. It didn't feel good so you ended it. Exactly what you need to do so you don't end up with the wrong person again.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 15, 2017 23:50:21 GMT -5
GeekGoddess , I was about to say EXACTLY what TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo said. But he said it. You really have to be proud of your self-awareness. You're being predictive with it. I'm working on that, but it's hard. Sometimes it hurts to be that honest about myself. Your attitude and strength are the qualities that will draw someone you respect to cherish you. And your ability to be vulnerable will enable you to cherish him too. And the sex is only fulfilling from within the context of that empathic bond of acceptance where you're both completely comfortable sharing and growing together. It sounds like this guy will benefit from your friendship. Maybe he can develop some self-awareness. Maybe you'll help him develop these skills you've developed.
Thanks for sharing.
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Post by Caris on Nov 17, 2017 15:05:58 GMT -5
You didn’t make a mistake, Grant. I’d say you are on the ball with everything. It’s easy to second guess ourselves, but you have this. You have great insight and self awareness, and you are making sound decisions based on these qualities. You are a pretty awesome lady.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Nov 17, 2017 23:32:07 GMT -5
Thank you, sister Caris. I have been working on that self-awareness a lot & it sure seems “a waste” that I spent so many years ignoring it before. I’m going to keep at it. I still have long ways to go. |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 18, 2017 9:22:07 GMT -5
Thank you, sister Caris . I have been working on that self-awareness a lot & it sure seems “a waste” that I spent so many years ignoring it before. I’m going to keep at it. I still have long ways to go. Goodness Yes. What a handicap to any kind of rewarding relationship to not be cognizant of how we're behaving, how we're perceived, or even where we're going (being deliberate). I think just figuring out that there is a "Self" that requires examination may be 70% of the battle. Most folks can't get there. |
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