Post by petrushka on May 14, 2016 17:50:30 GMT -5
Itsjustus called it. I could not agree more. Children see how the parents interact and they take that as a role model for how a relationship should be working.
If the relationship between the parents is dysfunctional, frankly, it doesn't matter jack shit if those parents have sex or not.
We have already established in EP that 'no sex' is merely one symptom. It's not even necessarily a symptom that's present, I am sure that there are many
dysfunctional relationships between people who still fuck like bunnies, but the kids see, and learn from, how those parents interact, and if, just for example, the wife frequently runs in to doorposts or falls down the stairs, you can bet your life that that kid will learn all about violence in relationships. If you have
one hyper-critical controlling spouse, you can bet your life .... I really don't need to spell it out.
Lack of physical affection, hell, it doesn't even need that, lack of loving interaction between parents will prime their kids for perpetuating, for expecting that as a model for their relationships. And it will take a lot of de-programming (speak therapy or a journey of self discovery) for them to get over it.
My wife is ALWAYS surprised when I walk up behind her and plant a kiss on her neck and the first glance is confused, before I get a smile. Her first response to my planting a few kisses on her jaw or her ear is to pull away, until she remembers. It's taken her 18 years of my being loving to her to learn this much. Her
instinctive reaction is to bend away, to push me off (and used to hurt herself in the process and then blame me for 'hurting her' - I don't know if I could still bear that if it was on-going).
I still struggle with the need to try to explain myself when I feel misunderstood ... something I could never do with my parents.
This shit sticks around. You really, REALLY want to think hard about: do you want your kids to learn how to be a dysfunctional person, relationship-wise?
If the relationship between the parents is dysfunctional, frankly, it doesn't matter jack shit if those parents have sex or not.
We have already established in EP that 'no sex' is merely one symptom. It's not even necessarily a symptom that's present, I am sure that there are many
dysfunctional relationships between people who still fuck like bunnies, but the kids see, and learn from, how those parents interact, and if, just for example, the wife frequently runs in to doorposts or falls down the stairs, you can bet your life that that kid will learn all about violence in relationships. If you have
one hyper-critical controlling spouse, you can bet your life .... I really don't need to spell it out.
Lack of physical affection, hell, it doesn't even need that, lack of loving interaction between parents will prime their kids for perpetuating, for expecting that as a model for their relationships. And it will take a lot of de-programming (speak therapy or a journey of self discovery) for them to get over it.
My wife is ALWAYS surprised when I walk up behind her and plant a kiss on her neck and the first glance is confused, before I get a smile. Her first response to my planting a few kisses on her jaw or her ear is to pull away, until she remembers. It's taken her 18 years of my being loving to her to learn this much. Her
instinctive reaction is to bend away, to push me off (and used to hurt herself in the process and then blame me for 'hurting her' - I don't know if I could still bear that if it was on-going).
I still struggle with the need to try to explain myself when I feel misunderstood ... something I could never do with my parents.
This shit sticks around. You really, REALLY want to think hard about: do you want your kids to learn how to be a dysfunctional person, relationship-wise?
