|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Nov 5, 2017 21:26:34 GMT -5
We haven’t had penetrative sex since July 4th. On September 16th, we went out to dinner, came home and he went down on me for just a couple of minutes, until he got too tired. We weren’t able to fuck, because he couldn’t get hard enough for me, but he could get hard for his hand. He got himself off; I went to bed unsatisfied.
September 24th, we went to Oktoberfest with friends, and after we got home, the exact same thing happened.
All of October, nothing. He patted my shoulder a couple of times and said, “Hey, we gotta do something” but not even making out took place.
Tonight, he texted me from upstairs, saying “Wanna play tonight?” After some back and forth, I responded with “I want a hard cock in me”. He said OK.
He half-heartedly fingered me for a couple of minutes, but was, again, unable to get hard enough to get inside. He got himself off, then announced he had to make dinner.
Thoughts?
|
|
jpn
Junior Member
Brrrrrrrrr...
Posts: 75
Age Range: 46-50
|
Post by jpn on Nov 5, 2017 21:31:03 GMT -5
I'd count it as a SM... only because that sounds, in some ways, how my SM started out. Sorry to hear about the lack of fulfillment. It just isn't fair.
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Nov 5, 2017 21:33:37 GMT -5
I'd count it as a SM... only because that sounds, in some ways, how my SM started out. Sorry to hear about the lack of fulfillment. It just isn't fair. Thank you. It feels like he willfully withheld until he eventually developed ED. 😞
|
|
|
Post by brian on Nov 5, 2017 21:34:34 GMT -5
You’re not getting your sexual needs satisfied. Therefore, you’re in an unsatisfactory sexual situation. Whether or not your situation meets specific clinical or socially accepted criteria, you are still in a situation that does not make you happy. It doesn’t matter if it’s mostly sexless, occasionally sexless, or completely sexless. The end result is that your partner doesn’t have the energy to satisfy you but still finds the energy to satisfy himself. Seems a bit rude, if you ask me. Since you have found yourself here on this site, I would say, yes, your situation “qualifies” you to join us in a place none of us want to be in.
|
|
|
Post by h on Nov 5, 2017 21:39:22 GMT -5
What a selfish jerk! Getting himself off and leaving you hanging is just terrible. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. It's beyond inconsiderate.
|
|
jpn
Junior Member
Brrrrrrrrr...
Posts: 75
Age Range: 46-50
|
Post by jpn on Nov 5, 2017 21:41:03 GMT -5
I'd count it as a SM... only because that sounds, in some ways, how my SM started out. Sorry to hear about the lack of fulfillment. It just isn't fair. Thank you. It feels like he willfully withheld until he eventually developed ED. 😞 In our case, she eventually developed the unbreakable routine of just being happy without any sexual interaction or touch. Same thing, just no acronym. I had tried to talk to her about it, but it failed each and every time. I hope you have better luck. It's not a good feeling to be rejected, or not have the physical touch of someone who is supposed to be "there" for you. At least you're here in a forum of many, many, many people in the same boat. It's a great place to talk it out, vent a little, and read other's situations. For me, it takes away a little bit of the loneliness.
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Nov 5, 2017 21:53:17 GMT -5
You’re not getting your sexual needs satisfied. Therefore, you’re in an unsatisfactory sexual situation. Whether or not your situation meets specific clinical or socially accepted criteria, you are still in a situation that does not make you happy. It doesn’t matter if it’s mostly sexless, occasionally sexless, or completely sexless. The end result is that your partner doesn’t have the energy to satisfy you but still finds the energy to satisfy himself. Seems a bit rude, if you ask me. Since you have found yourself here on this site, I would say, yes, your situation “qualifies” you to join us in a place none of us want to be in. Thank you.
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Nov 5, 2017 21:55:30 GMT -5
What a selfish jerk! Getting himself off and leaving you hanging is just terrible. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. It's beyond inconsiderate. He’s happily making dinner for us as we speak... though earlier today, we had a fight over housework with him blaming me for the place looking like a dump (I’ve been both super busy all week AND super sick) so in his mind he’s probably NOT a selfish, inconsiderate jerk.
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Nov 5, 2017 21:56:24 GMT -5
Thank you. It feels like he willfully withheld until he eventually developed ED. 😞 In our case, she eventually developed the unbreakable routine of just being happy without any sexual interaction or touch. Same thing, just no acronym. I had tried to talk to her about it, but it failed each and every time. I hope you have better luck. It's not a good feeling to be rejected, or not have the physical touch of someone who is supposed to be "there" for you. At least you're here in a forum of many, many, many people in the same boat. It's a great place to talk it out, vent a little, and read other's situations. For me, it takes away a little bit of the loneliness. Thank you; it’s small consolation...
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Nov 5, 2017 22:10:53 GMT -5
Whether or not it's sexless, it seems to be loveless on your husband's part. He doesn't seem to care about anyone but himself. I do not understand why you want to have sex with someone who treats you so horribly. For example, here's what you posted a few weeks ago:
"Hello all. A month ago, after a good few weeks and getting past our wedding anniversary, my husband’s behavior reverted back to normal (inattentive, combative, still not helping me with bills) and I began seeking out a divorce lawyer.
Then, on October 9th, one of the worst firestorms in California history hit my area. The morning the fires broke out, as I was sitting across the living room from him, crying and panicking, my husband ignored me to look at his iPad. He announced he was driving into town to retrieve something of his from his work, backed into my car (bought brand new earlier this year), said “Oops!” and left.
He wound up stuck in traffic for an hour and a half, during which time evacuations were announced in the next town over. I began hurriedly packing the car and woke up my son.
Thankfully, my husband made it home and we and our home made it, even we never had to evacuate. My entire family in the area - aside from my mom - either lost their home or I have no idea what happened to them. My son’s school also burned down.
I returned to work the next day in a mandatory evacuation area and my colleagues and I worked in generator power for about a week. I have asthma, and have had throat/coughing issues alll this week.
My husband finally, the day before yesterday, asked if I was OK and embraced me for the first time. I asked why he hadn’t comforted me the day of the fires; he says it’s because I didn’t ask. "
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Nov 5, 2017 22:53:44 GMT -5
Yeah, I had a friend try to explain that to me as a possible response to trauma, or “He’s got a very rational brain and you need to be more explicit with your needs”.
So thank you all. I can’t go anywhere for a few months at least. But he can’t claim we have regular sex.
|
|
|
Post by baza on Nov 5, 2017 22:57:08 GMT -5
On what you have written in here since your initial post in August, it looks like a union with intractable sexual problems, emotional disconnects, financial problems and other issues, that were bad enough to get you to leave 2 years ago. In todays update, it reads like it is "more of the same".
But, on October 22 just gone, you advised of having made the (perfectly legitimate) choice to stay in the situation.
The run of comments / suggestions on your posts so far appear uniformly negative about your spouse and the future of your union. But really, it doesn't matter a rats arse what anyone else might think of your situation. The only opinion about that that matters is yours. The choice is yours.
|
|
|
Post by workingonit on Nov 5, 2017 22:57:27 GMT -5
mypaintbrushes It seems a bit of a theoretical question. Something is off in your sex life and you are not happy. The label "SM" is not important. You are certainly in the hellscape with the rest of us! It does sound like you are ready for change which is great. I wish you much luck!
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Nov 5, 2017 23:01:40 GMT -5
Whatever the reason for his behavior, there's no evidence from anything you've posted that he cares about you even as an acquaintance nor is there evidence he sexually desires you. Even if a stranger were shaking and crying due to fear from an impending catastrophe, a normal human being would reach out to them and try to comfort them.
Literally -- you and your son were facing possible death by fire, and your husband abandoned you. He is not someone whom you or your son (am I correct in assuming your child is not your husband's) can depend on for anything, not even to take any actions to save your life.
The reason for his behavior doesn't matter because you can't change it. For all you know, maybe he lacks an emotional heart. Maybe he's a psychopath who only is able to care about himself. Maybe he would be glad if you died so he could inherit what you have.
Bottom line: He is not someone whom you can count on at all.
If you want to why chase, figure out why you would want such a cold, uncaring man who apparently doesn't care if you live or die -- why would you want sexual intimacy with such a person? A healthier reaction on your part would be to do everything possible to get him out of your and your child's life. Not having sex with him is the least of your problems.
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Nov 5, 2017 23:21:51 GMT -5
He is not someone whom you or your son (am I correct in assuming your child is not your husband's) [ No, you are not. Just so you all know, I am well aware of what I am doing. Which is gathering my support network.
|
|