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Post by Caris on Nov 2, 2017 8:13:46 GMT -5
There is an ongoing situation in my life. It was there during my marriage, and my husband and I dealt with it together. Now that he’s gone, it’s just me that bears it alone. Now he’s not on the end of a phone, or text, there is no outlet for me to express my angst and worry. It became so bad a couple of days ago, I called a mental health counseling place, but it could take months to see someone. Meanwhile, I am unable to sleep, but a couple of hours. I’m up and down all night. I try not to worry, but it’s my child, albeit an adult child, but age never stopped a mother’s concern for her kids.
It makes no difference what I tell myself, or what other distractions I come up with, whenever his life becomes more unstable than it already is, my anxiety levels increase, and I’m wide awake, even when I’m feeling exhausted. I need someone to talk to, like a counselor, just to share my anxiety and have an outlet, but my crappy insurance (although I’m grateful to have it), doesn’t offer much in counseling services, so I’m alone with it.
I miss my ex every day. We had a terrible marriage, and he wasn’t kind to me, but we had shared history, and shared life experiences, and this situation hurt us both, so he was the one person on the planet that understood what it felt like. He was my outlet in this respect.
This on top of the general loneliness I feel from still having no intimacy or deep connection with someone in my life, makes everything feel worse, and now I have three injuries that are interfering with my exercise regimen. My workouts are one of the things that keep me going, and now I’m having to modify them a lot. Sometimes, it all feels too much to bear alone, and I can’t even talk to anyone about it. I think this is why I had some sort of panic attack the other day, and felt weak, trembling, and lightheaded, and couldn’t think properly.
This is just another vent from me. I have nowhere to go with all what’s keeping me from sleep, and I’m using this to express myself, so I don’t lose my mind. No advice or comments necessary, but thanks if you read it.
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Post by hopingforachange on Nov 2, 2017 8:30:50 GMT -5
There is an ongoing situation in my life. It was there during my marriage, and my husband and I dealt with it together. Now that he’s gone, it’s just me that bears it alone. Now he’s not on the end of a phone, or text, there is no outlet for me to express my angst and worry. It became so bad a couple of days ago, I called a mental health counseling place, but it could take months to see someone. Meanwhile, I am unable to sleep, but a couple of hours. I’m up and down all night. I try not to worry, but it’s my child, albeit an adult child, but age never stopped a mother’s concern for her kids. It makes no difference what I tell myself, or what other distractions I come up with, whenever his life becomes more unstable than it already is, my anxiety levels increase, and I’m wide awake, even when I’m feeling exhausted. I need someone to talk to, like a counselor, just to share my anxiety and have an outlet, but my crappy insurance (although I’m grateful to have it), doesn’t offer much in counseling services, so I’m alone with it. I miss my ex every day. We had a terrible marriage, and he wasn’t kind to me, but we had shared history, and shared life experiences, and this situation hurt us both, so he was the one person on the planet that understood what it felt like. He was my outlet in this respect. This on top of the general loneliness I feel from still having no intimacy or deep connection with someone in my life, makes everything feel worse, and now I have three injuries that are interfering with my exercise regimen. My workouts are one of the things that keep me going, and now I’m having to modify them a lot. Sometimes, it all feels too much to bear alone, and I can’t even talk to anyone about it. I think this is why I had some sort of panic attack the other day, and felt weak, trembling, and lightheaded, and couldn’t think properly. This is just another vent from me. I have nowhere to go with all what’s keeping me from sleep, and I’m using this to express myself, so I don’t lose my mind. No advice or comments necessary, but thanks if you read it. I read it all and we are here if you need someone to listen. |
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Post by misssunnybunny on Nov 2, 2017 9:27:35 GMT -5
Hi, Caris, so sorry to hear you are hurting. Maybe your local senior center or hospice may have information on grief/loss support groups? If you are in the US, I have some resource info for counseling that I can share. I hope you are able to find some support; we are here for you, too. Edit to add that I posted general resources for anyone to use here: iliasm.org/thread/2303/mental-health-care-safety-net?page=1&scrollTo=83120 |
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Post by dinnaken on Nov 2, 2017 14:30:39 GMT -5
Hi CarisI'm sorry to hear that you are struggling with anxiety. It's a problem I have to deal with myself. I do not know you or you circumstances and so I can never understand what you are going through but I can empathise. Vent away, it's what we are here for, any time just let rip I feel for you and you are in my thoughts. I know that to some it might seem odd that you miss your ex but I can appreciate what you are saying. At times of crisis, someone who understands is vital, no matter what your feelings for them. All the best |
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Post by jim44444 on Nov 2, 2017 15:56:02 GMT -5
Caris, if you ever find that magic potion that prevents worrying or anxiety for our adult children please share it. They are our children, always will be. I can only imagine how hard it is without their father to share with.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Nov 3, 2017 8:00:49 GMT -5
Just: hugs & sending out positive vibes to the universe for you, sister. I read it. I always try to read your posts because I appreciate you sharing your experience & self. I value your reflections. I’m sorry you’re not able to get mental health support more quickly but do post venting here freely- this board is great for that.
Peace & Love
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Post by Caris on Nov 4, 2017 19:47:27 GMT -5
Caris, if you ever find that magic potion that prevents worrying or anxiety for our adult children please share it. They are our children, always will be. I can only imagine how hard it is without their father to share with. The magic potion I’m going to try tonight is an anti-anxiety pill. I’ve resisted taking them because I hate taking meds, on top of those I already take, but bearing this alone, since my husband died, is making me feel ill, so I’m taking one. Like you said, they are our children, and age doesn’t matter, we just want them to be safe and well, and when they hurt, we hurt. Thanks. 🙏 |
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Post by hopingforachange on Nov 4, 2017 20:22:17 GMT -5
Caris, if you ever find that magic potion that prevents worrying or anxiety for our adult children please share it. They are our children, always will be. I can only imagine how hard it is without their father to share with. The magic potion I’m going to try tonight is an anti-anxiety pill. I’ve resisted taking them because I hate taking meds, on top of those I already take, but bearing this alone, since my husband died, is making me feel ill, so I’m taking one. Like you said, they are our children, and age doesn’t matter, we just want them to be safe and well, and when they hurt, we hurt. Thanks. 🙏 I am proof that sometimes you need the medican to help you get close enough to center that you are able to get your self the rest of the way. If you need them take them, don't think any less of your self for taking them. There are lots of unhealthy things you could be taking instead that don't have the cultural stigma, but the big difference is the medican hello you get better, the other things just send your further down the rabbit hole. |
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Post by Caris on Nov 4, 2017 22:21:52 GMT -5
hopingforachange, I agree with you, and thanks for supporting my decision. Sometimes, we need a little help.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 5, 2017 8:42:04 GMT -5
Anxiety is a medical problem. It’s not a lack of character. Glad you made the wise choice of taking the medicine to treat it.
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Post by Caris on Nov 5, 2017 10:05:39 GMT -5
Anxiety is a medical problem. It’s not a lack of character. Glad you made the wise choice of taking the medicine to treat it. I took one last night, and slept very soundly for almost 7-hours. That’s excellent for me, and unusual, so it’s main value is relaxing me enough that I can actually get some sleep. Everything is 10 x worse when sleep deprived. |
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