NY Times Aricle; Emphasis on Sex for quality relationship
Oct 30, 2017 10:14:11 GMT -5
DryCreek, lwoetin, and 3 more like this
Post by WindSister on Oct 30, 2017 10:14:11 GMT -5
I was pleasantly surprised by the emphasis of sex that was in this article about building a quality relationship. It also brings up "the No sex marriage."
www.nytimes.com/guides/well/how-to-have-a-better-relationship?mc=aud_dev&mcid=keywee&mccr=dommob&kwp_0=551505
What do you think of the numbers:
I found that interesting. With my ex, in the beginning we had sex maybe 1 time a month. (not even on the charts!! ha). So, I was really blind into what I was getting into, but a part of me must have wanted that particular relationship at that time. We declined to no sex in 10 years. With my current husband we were very sexual the first 3 years, it is only now starting to decline ever so slightly, but we are still 3-4 times a week. (except for the 3 week dry spell I blame on illnesses, visitors, etc.). I don't want to be obsessed with "numbers." I don't want to be obsessed with chasing "what is normal." But, I find the article interesting anyway.
www.nytimes.com/guides/well/how-to-have-a-better-relationship?mc=aud_dev&mcid=keywee&mccr=dommob&kwp_0=551505
What do you think of the numbers:
Based on that research, here’s some of what we know about sex:
* The average adult has sex 54 times a year.
* The average sexual encounter lasts about 30 minutes.
* About 5 percent of people have sex at least three times a week.
* People in their 20s have sex more than 80 times per year.
* People in their 40s have sex about 60 times a year.
* Sex drops to 20 times per year by age 65.
* After the age of 25, sexual frequency declines 3.2 percent annually.
* After controlling for age and time period, those born in the 1930s had sex the most often; people born in the 1990s (millennials) had sex the least often.
* About 20 percent of people, most of them widows, have been celibate for at least a year.
* The typical married person has sex an average of 51 times a year.
* “Very Happy” couples have sex, on average, 74 times a year.
* Married people under 30 have sex about 112 times a year; single people under 30 have sex about 69 times a year.
* Married people in their 40s have sex 69 times a year; single people in their 40s have sex 50 times a year.
* Active people have more sex.
* People who drink alcohol have 20 percent more sex than teetotalers.
* On average, extra education is associated with about a week’s worth of less sex each year.
* The average adult has sex 54 times a year.
* The average sexual encounter lasts about 30 minutes.
* About 5 percent of people have sex at least three times a week.
* People in their 20s have sex more than 80 times per year.
* People in their 40s have sex about 60 times a year.
* Sex drops to 20 times per year by age 65.
* After the age of 25, sexual frequency declines 3.2 percent annually.
* After controlling for age and time period, those born in the 1930s had sex the most often; people born in the 1990s (millennials) had sex the least often.
* About 20 percent of people, most of them widows, have been celibate for at least a year.
* The typical married person has sex an average of 51 times a year.
* “Very Happy” couples have sex, on average, 74 times a year.
* Married people under 30 have sex about 112 times a year; single people under 30 have sex about 69 times a year.
* Married people in their 40s have sex 69 times a year; single people in their 40s have sex 50 times a year.
* Active people have more sex.
* People who drink alcohol have 20 percent more sex than teetotalers.
* On average, extra education is associated with about a week’s worth of less sex each year.
One of the best ways to make sure your sex life stays robust in a long relationship is to have a lot of sex early in the relationship. A University of Georgia study of more than 90,000 women in 19 countries in Asia, Africa and the Americas found that the longer a couple is married, the less often they have sex, but that the decline appears to be relative to how much sex they were having when they first coupled. Here’s a look at frequency of married sex comparing the first year of marriage with the 10th year of marriage.
I found that interesting. With my ex, in the beginning we had sex maybe 1 time a month. (not even on the charts!! ha). So, I was really blind into what I was getting into, but a part of me must have wanted that particular relationship at that time. We declined to no sex in 10 years. With my current husband we were very sexual the first 3 years, it is only now starting to decline ever so slightly, but we are still 3-4 times a week. (except for the 3 week dry spell I blame on illnesses, visitors, etc.). I don't want to be obsessed with "numbers." I don't want to be obsessed with chasing "what is normal." But, I find the article interesting anyway.
THE NO-SEX MARRIAGE
Why do some couples sizzle while others fizzle? Social scientists are studying no-sex marriages for clues about what can go wrong in relationships.
It’s estimated that about 15 percent of married couples have not had sex with their spouse in the last six months to one year. Some sexless marriages started out with very little sex. Others in sexless marriages say childbirth or an affair led to a slowing and eventually stopping of sex. People in sexless marriages are generally less happy and more likely to have considered divorce than those who have regular sex with their spouse or committed partner.
If you have a low-sex or no-sex marriage, the most important step is to see a doctor. A low sex drive can be the result of a medical issues (low testosterone, erectile dysfunction, menopause or depression) or it can be a side effect of a medication or treatment. Some scientists speculate that growing use of antidepressants like Prozac and Paxil, which can depress the sex drive, may be contributing to an increase in sexless marriages.
While some couples in sexless marriages are happy, the reality is that the more sex a couple has, the happier they are together. It’s not easy to rekindle a marriage that has gone without sex for years, but it can be done. If you can’t live in a sexless marriage but you want to stay married, see a doctor, see a therapist and start talking to your partner.
Here are some of the steps therapists recommend to get a sexless marriage back in the bedroom:
* Talk to each other about your desires.
* Have fun together and share new experiences to remind yourself how you fell in love.
* Hold hands. Touch. Hug.
* Have sex even if you don’t want to. Many couples discover that if they force themselves to have sex, soon it doesn’t become work and they remember that they like sex. The body responds with a flood of brain chemicals and other changes that can help.
* Remember that there is no set point for the right amount of sex in a marriage. The right amount of sex is the amount that makes both partners happy.
A PRESCRIPTION FOR A BETTER SEX LIFE
If your sex life has waned, it can take time and effort to get it back on track. The best solution is relatively simple, but oh-so-difficult for many couples: Start talking about sex.
Just do it: Have sex, even if you’re not in the mood. Sex triggers hormonal and chemical responses in the body, and even if you’re not in the mood, chances are you will get there quickly once you start.
Make time for sex: Busy partners often say they are too busy for sex, but interestingly, really busy people seem to find time to have affairs. The fact is, sex is good for your relationship. Make it a priority.
Talk: Ask your partner what he or she wants. Surprisingly, this seems to be the biggest challenge couples face when it comes to rebooting their sex lives.
Why do some couples sizzle while others fizzle? Social scientists are studying no-sex marriages for clues about what can go wrong in relationships.
It’s estimated that about 15 percent of married couples have not had sex with their spouse in the last six months to one year. Some sexless marriages started out with very little sex. Others in sexless marriages say childbirth or an affair led to a slowing and eventually stopping of sex. People in sexless marriages are generally less happy and more likely to have considered divorce than those who have regular sex with their spouse or committed partner.
If you have a low-sex or no-sex marriage, the most important step is to see a doctor. A low sex drive can be the result of a medical issues (low testosterone, erectile dysfunction, menopause or depression) or it can be a side effect of a medication or treatment. Some scientists speculate that growing use of antidepressants like Prozac and Paxil, which can depress the sex drive, may be contributing to an increase in sexless marriages.
While some couples in sexless marriages are happy, the reality is that the more sex a couple has, the happier they are together. It’s not easy to rekindle a marriage that has gone without sex for years, but it can be done. If you can’t live in a sexless marriage but you want to stay married, see a doctor, see a therapist and start talking to your partner.
Here are some of the steps therapists recommend to get a sexless marriage back in the bedroom:
* Talk to each other about your desires.
* Have fun together and share new experiences to remind yourself how you fell in love.
* Hold hands. Touch. Hug.
* Have sex even if you don’t want to. Many couples discover that if they force themselves to have sex, soon it doesn’t become work and they remember that they like sex. The body responds with a flood of brain chemicals and other changes that can help.
* Remember that there is no set point for the right amount of sex in a marriage. The right amount of sex is the amount that makes both partners happy.
A PRESCRIPTION FOR A BETTER SEX LIFE
If your sex life has waned, it can take time and effort to get it back on track. The best solution is relatively simple, but oh-so-difficult for many couples: Start talking about sex.
Just do it: Have sex, even if you’re not in the mood. Sex triggers hormonal and chemical responses in the body, and even if you’re not in the mood, chances are you will get there quickly once you start.
Make time for sex: Busy partners often say they are too busy for sex, but interestingly, really busy people seem to find time to have affairs. The fact is, sex is good for your relationship. Make it a priority.
Talk: Ask your partner what he or she wants. Surprisingly, this seems to be the biggest challenge couples face when it comes to rebooting their sex lives.
SO different than my previous marriage (comparison is not always the thief of joy, sometimes it's a great validation). 
