Post by Deleted on Oct 22, 2017 14:26:53 GMT -5
Hi, I was married at age 17 and for the last 20 years of my 50 yr marriage it was loveless and sexless. I was rejected.
For some reason I can’t fathom yet I carried on being a wife and care giver despite having a husband in name only.
All physical touch, concern and kindness was withheld by him - I only realised this on reflection. I realised through my
research that my ex-husband is a passive aggressive. He also hated his mother.
My health started to fall apart and I was hospitalised a few times with what the doctors called ME. I’d always suffered with
stress right after getting married which was probably down to his passive aggressive behaviour...he was angry a lot and
would ‘accidentally’ break things and drop things - things of mine or things I would have to clean up.
I think because I was married so young I didn’t question why marriage was so anxiety causing, I didn’t know any other way
as an adult.
Then later in the marriage I think I took over the role of his mother as the object of his passive aggressive mind games.
The withdrawal of affection and sex seemed to happen over night - I’m not sure but I think it was straight after he left me waiting
when we’d arranged to go out. He offered to cut the hay in our neighbours field and left me waiting for hours till it was too late to
go out so I was understandably pissed off and told him so - it would have taken him less than 5mins to let me know.
And I think that’s when the marriage died for him. That’s only my theory because he won’t discuss it.
I struggled on in the marriage and his PA got worse, he would deliberately make his surroundings a pig sty and not help me tidy it up.
By now I have chronic illness and anxiety and struggle a lot. After a particularly bad time I asked him for a cuddle and put my arms
round his waist but he just stood with his arms limply by his side. I asked if he’d hug me just as a friend, but he didn’t react, just stood
there looking over my head. That was 8 yrs ago and I’ll never forget it.
The final came when I found him watching porn - the disrespect was the final straw for me. I told him I was divorcing him. I
got the decree finalised last May, 4 months after our 50th wedding anniversary. I never even got an
acknowledgement on the big day from him - same as the last 20 or so previous anniversaries. Why was I so blind for all those years...
Since the divorce I’ve changed my name, all of it, too, I don’t want any reminder of this miserable marriage even on my headstone.
Perhaps this story makes me appear as if I’ve got a handle on it but I’m just reeling from shock, I don’t know how I got here, I feel so stupid and naive.
I don’t understand this lonely life I lead now.
When I was 16 my previous boyfriend hit me - he was a boxer. And I prided myself on walking away and not looking back, despite his threats and pleas.
Then all these years later I didn’t even recognise I was being abused again by my husband in the cruellest of ways.
Thankyou for reading
For some reason I can’t fathom yet I carried on being a wife and care giver despite having a husband in name only.
All physical touch, concern and kindness was withheld by him - I only realised this on reflection. I realised through my
research that my ex-husband is a passive aggressive. He also hated his mother.
My health started to fall apart and I was hospitalised a few times with what the doctors called ME. I’d always suffered with
stress right after getting married which was probably down to his passive aggressive behaviour...he was angry a lot and
would ‘accidentally’ break things and drop things - things of mine or things I would have to clean up.
I think because I was married so young I didn’t question why marriage was so anxiety causing, I didn’t know any other way
as an adult.
Then later in the marriage I think I took over the role of his mother as the object of his passive aggressive mind games.
The withdrawal of affection and sex seemed to happen over night - I’m not sure but I think it was straight after he left me waiting
when we’d arranged to go out. He offered to cut the hay in our neighbours field and left me waiting for hours till it was too late to
go out so I was understandably pissed off and told him so - it would have taken him less than 5mins to let me know.
And I think that’s when the marriage died for him. That’s only my theory because he won’t discuss it.
I struggled on in the marriage and his PA got worse, he would deliberately make his surroundings a pig sty and not help me tidy it up.
By now I have chronic illness and anxiety and struggle a lot. After a particularly bad time I asked him for a cuddle and put my arms
round his waist but he just stood with his arms limply by his side. I asked if he’d hug me just as a friend, but he didn’t react, just stood
there looking over my head. That was 8 yrs ago and I’ll never forget it.
The final came when I found him watching porn - the disrespect was the final straw for me. I told him I was divorcing him. I
got the decree finalised last May, 4 months after our 50th wedding anniversary. I never even got an
acknowledgement on the big day from him - same as the last 20 or so previous anniversaries. Why was I so blind for all those years...
Since the divorce I’ve changed my name, all of it, too, I don’t want any reminder of this miserable marriage even on my headstone.
Perhaps this story makes me appear as if I’ve got a handle on it but I’m just reeling from shock, I don’t know how I got here, I feel so stupid and naive.
I don’t understand this lonely life I lead now.
When I was 16 my previous boyfriend hit me - he was a boxer. And I prided myself on walking away and not looking back, despite his threats and pleas.
Then all these years later I didn’t even recognise I was being abused again by my husband in the cruellest of ways.
Thankyou for reading
