One reason why some people take so long to end it
Mar 27, 2016 17:05:29 GMT -5
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Rhapsodee, Isabellas39, and 6 more like this
Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2016 17:05:29 GMT -5
I was PMing with another ILIASM friend, and some things came out that might be helpful to others. This is an edited version of what I said to him.
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I know that a lot of my problem is that I dread the thought of starting over again with somebody else.
Especially for people like you and me. Mr. Kat and [his W] are not selfish assholes in all ways; they don't do a lot of the rotten things we hear about that go on in other people's SMs. In fact, Mr. Kat and I (and I'm guessing you and W) are compatible in some ways.
And, in both our cases, our relationships started out with love, sexual fire, the whole works. You and I both have great memories of how things used to be. It hurts like hell to have to accept that that's over.
I'm sure I don't need to tell you.
I stayed with Mr. Kat so long after the trouble started because of that basic compatibility and the great start we had (which lasted 6 YEARS - so it wasn't just the initial infatuation.)
The first 6 years of the relationship with Mr. Kat is the best thing I've ever had in my life. No wonder I didn't want to let it go.
So, what made me end it? Especially since I dread starting over with somebody else?
His problems had taken over our life. His health issues and his depression. And it was so slow and so frustrating for me to get him to do the things to solve those problems, which were only in his power to do.
I worked for 3 years on trying to get him to pick up his end of the load. It was like throwing a stick for your dog to chase, but the dog won't chase it.
While I was trying to get him to do his part, the atmosphere in our home became overwhelmingly depressing. The elephant wasn't just in one room - it followed us mercilessly from one room to another. It expanded like the Blob in that funny old 50s sci-fI movie and took up so much space that it oozed out the windows.
After a while, getting out of the home I lived in with him was the only way I could breathe in anything, except The Problem.
And, it's true I do not want to be alone forever. I want a man in my life someday (a real partner - not just a FWB.)
I hate the thought of dating. But, I don't have to do it until and unless I feel ready.
What I really wish would happen is this: that a man who is already a friend, somebody I already know and like, starts to see me as a sexual female. And that I start to return those feelings. (And no, I do not have anybody in particular in mind.)
That way, I could have a partner again - and I wouldn't HAVE to date.
-----------------------------
I know that a lot of my problem is that I dread the thought of starting over again with somebody else.
Especially for people like you and me. Mr. Kat and [his W] are not selfish assholes in all ways; they don't do a lot of the rotten things we hear about that go on in other people's SMs. In fact, Mr. Kat and I (and I'm guessing you and W) are compatible in some ways.
And, in both our cases, our relationships started out with love, sexual fire, the whole works. You and I both have great memories of how things used to be. It hurts like hell to have to accept that that's over.
I'm sure I don't need to tell you.
I stayed with Mr. Kat so long after the trouble started because of that basic compatibility and the great start we had (which lasted 6 YEARS - so it wasn't just the initial infatuation.)
The first 6 years of the relationship with Mr. Kat is the best thing I've ever had in my life. No wonder I didn't want to let it go.
So, what made me end it? Especially since I dread starting over with somebody else?
His problems had taken over our life. His health issues and his depression. And it was so slow and so frustrating for me to get him to do the things to solve those problems, which were only in his power to do.
I worked for 3 years on trying to get him to pick up his end of the load. It was like throwing a stick for your dog to chase, but the dog won't chase it.
While I was trying to get him to do his part, the atmosphere in our home became overwhelmingly depressing. The elephant wasn't just in one room - it followed us mercilessly from one room to another. It expanded like the Blob in that funny old 50s sci-fI movie and took up so much space that it oozed out the windows.
After a while, getting out of the home I lived in with him was the only way I could breathe in anything, except The Problem.
And, it's true I do not want to be alone forever. I want a man in my life someday (a real partner - not just a FWB.)
I hate the thought of dating. But, I don't have to do it until and unless I feel ready.
What I really wish would happen is this: that a man who is already a friend, somebody I already know and like, starts to see me as a sexual female. And that I start to return those feelings. (And no, I do not have anybody in particular in mind.)
That way, I could have a partner again - and I wouldn't HAVE to date.
