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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 6, 2017 7:20:43 GMT -5
I am at acceptance, but like baz I am also divorced. And I have a partner that is eager to f*ck me right down to a nub.
This week our schedules allowed for some time together during the week. We had both had obligations the previous weekend so we hadn't seen each other for a while. After going out for pizza and then watching a short program we both like on TV she initiates be saying " it's been 10 days, don't you think it's time we made love"? After being the pursuer all my life I never thought I would find a woman who's libido is higher than mine. As we removed her panties it was worth noting they were wet and we had not really started kissing.
After satisfying each other we had a bit of pillow talk and she commented she would like it if we could be make love every day. Daaammmmnnn...
If she is this horney at 65 I wonder what she was like at 35.
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mathdoll
Junior Member
The light is getting brighter........
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Post by mathdoll on Oct 6, 2017 10:02:20 GMT -5
I'm at acceptance too but its my second time through a sexless marriage (well I didn't marry my now ex but we lived together for almost four years). Pleased for you worksforme2
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Post by M2G on Oct 6, 2017 12:55:52 GMT -5
"But don't be surprised that she keeps reverting back to the person she really is. It's just human nature"
And that's the rub; been there several times. Again, I don;t want her to do it FOR me but WITH me, and for mercy's sake - Initiate once in a while???
(Fantasy)
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Post by dinnaken on Oct 6, 2017 16:35:40 GMT -5
I'm out and living in my own house
I'm at the serene acceptance stage (thank goodness)
Denial and Bargaining were early on in the marriage. I got really angry in year 12 and that lasted for about a year, until I realised how pointless it was. Depression, sadness, gloom, despondency etc. lasted until I got out
Now I accept what happened to me - I regret it and it makes me sad to think of the wasted years but I accept the situation
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Post by tirefire on Oct 6, 2017 19:24:28 GMT -5
I am at acceptance, but like baz I am also divorced. And I have a partner that is eager to f*ck me right down to a nub. This week our schedules allowed for some time together during the week. We had both had obligations the previous weekend so we hadn't seen each other for a while. After going out for pizza and then watching a short program we both like on TV she initiates be saying " it's been 10 days, don't you think it's time we made love"? After being the pursuer all my life I never thought I would find a woman who's libido is higher than mine. As we removed her panties it was worth noting they were wet and we had not really started kissing. After satisfying each other we had a bit of pillow talk and she commented she would like it if we could be make love every day. Daaammmmnnn... If she is this horney at 65 I wonder what she was like at 35. Ok, I'm jealous. And happy for you. |
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Post by workingonit on Oct 9, 2017 21:56:15 GMT -5
Coming out of denial mixed with bargaining. Have been having bursts of anger and deep sadness too. Very far from acceptance right now
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Oct 10, 2017 17:14:51 GMT -5
I am at the
'fucking pissed off stage" I did not see that as a choice.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Oct 12, 2017 19:34:29 GMT -5
For me initially there was denial, bargaining, anger then resentment a lot of resentment. Now i'm at just don't give a shit. I basically live my life immerse myself in my kids, career, friends, and sporting hobbies. I accept the situation for what it is and have made the concious decision that i stay for the kids as i dont want to be a part time dad. I am fully aware that at some point my wife might choose to not stay however i think she is too afraid to lose her comfortable lifestyle.
However its funny cause my refuser seriously can't seem to work out why i don't like to spend any time with her and gets quite angry.
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Post by aguywithneeds on Oct 12, 2017 20:59:37 GMT -5
I'd say in between depression and acceptance. I go back and forth, some days are better than others.
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Post by baza on Oct 13, 2017 1:26:00 GMT -5
These stages of grief are readily transplanted and applicable to ILIASM shitholes.
Denial - in ILIASM terms is where you take a position that "everything is great bar the sex"
Anger - in ILIASM terms is where you recognise that everything is not great, and there's not even some half decent sex to compensate
Bargaining - in ILIASM terms is why chasing and trying to alter the avoidant spouse
Depression - self explanatory
Acceptance - in ILIASM terms, is where you realise that what you see in front of you is "it". (this may or may not mean the marriage ends)
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Post by workingonit on Oct 17, 2017 20:07:28 GMT -5
Holy shit. I generally have thought the stages of grief are BS, or oversimplified. When I lost my beloved mother I had all of those feelings all at once for a year! I never felt like I was moving through any stages.
But last night I was replaying my last serious conversation with my H in my head and I very suddenly became unbelievably angry. I had been having some anger but this was like.....I don't know how to explain it. I could not sleep last night- lay awake from 2-6, had to get up at 6:30. The whole time I was just really feeling the anger and looking back on all the ways I have been in denial, the ways I have been supporting this SM by accepting his boundaries, the way I have been manipulated into putting his own needs before mine, the way I have convinced myself that the exact same pattern doesn't play out in every other aspect of our lives (IT DOES!). I became utterly totally and thoroughly pissed off.
I have remained pissed off all day. Tonight he asked me if I was ok. I told him I was experiencing 17 years of repressed anger at him all at once. He said, "So......, let's talk some other time, yeah?" while backing slowly away. (I did laugh at that- he is always able to make me laugh at least a little)
Stage: ANGER.
Feeling: a little scared.
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Post by neonspace on Oct 17, 2017 21:29:37 GMT -5
The whole time I was just really feeling the anger and looking back on all the ways I have been in denial, the ways I have been supporting this SM by accepting his boundaries, the way I have been manipulated into putting his own needs before mine, the way I have convinced myself that the exact same pattern doesn't play out in every other aspect of our lives (IT DOES!). I became utterly totally and thoroughly pissed off. I went through the same thing. Once she finally said the words that matched her actions that I had been denying, it was an eye opener. I started thinking back over many years and the pattern of rejection(not just sexual) and disrespect became obvious to me. It pissed me off, most of it directed at myself for not seeing it. My friend said something today that made sense. "Your experiences, good or bad, make you the person you are right now and you can't change that, acxepting it and moving forward will take you further than dwelling on it. " easier said than done but I'm trying. |
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Post by M2G on Oct 17, 2017 22:47:47 GMT -5
Tick - over to acceptance. Done messing around trying to be liked, the way we used to be. We're friends, roommates with a past, whatever you want to call it and things are civil.
I'll take it. Things could be worse.
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