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Post by Deleted on Oct 4, 2017 21:42:42 GMT -5
10 Signs I've Been Forcing Myself To Like Someone I'd Rather Ghost www.elitedaily.com/women/forcing-yourself-to-like-someone/1438171This is something I wish I'd seen a year ago. As most of you know by now, I tend to feel like I'd better not be too picky. So I try to date guys who are perfectly OK, but who I just don't feel right about. Then I end up feeling both ashamed and guilty - and resentful at the same time. (That's quite an emotional trick, but I can do it.) |
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Post by elkclan2 on Oct 4, 2017 23:26:54 GMT -5
Not saying I never ghosted, but I'm sure she'd feel less guilty if she just said "I'm not that into you ..."
I had a lot of dates with guys who were perfectly ok, but who I didn't like. I was like "next". Until I had a date with someone who I thought "I definitely know I don't NOT like him. I don't know how much I do like him and I know I do want to have sex with him and I know that even if I hadn't wanted to have sex with him I'd want to cultivate a friendship so let's see where this goes."
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Post by baza on Oct 5, 2017 1:04:18 GMT -5
A couple of anecdotes about a couple of dates I went on as my marriage was winding down.
#1 - Pam
Met her through work. Organised an afternoon coffee. Pretty obvious early on that her views on healthy living and working out were not a great match as I gobbled a burger and chips. Lovely woman, good conversationalist, very tidy body on her, but no "bing" evident for me (or her).
No offer of a return bout by either of us.
#2 - Eleanor
A customer where I worked. Asked her to go see a band and have a few drinks. I am pretty handy at binge drinking but early on it became clear that she could put it away with the best of them. Then it emerged she was married and things went downhill from there. Especially when she mentioned he'd just got out of the pen after doing time for aggravated burglary. This was all a bit too lively for me so I surreptitiously pressed the ring button on my phone and engaged in a bogus conversation that one of my kids was in trouble and needed my presence. Left her the taxi fare home and paid the tab and departed the scene.
No follow up meet ensued from this particular evening, although I did get a couple of drunken incoherent phone calls from her over a few days.
All of this is apropos of nothing in particular, other than to show that as a "dater" I am a dead loss.
I truly admire you members who have a crack at PoF, AM etc, you have far more resilience than I have, or ever had.
If I suddenly found myself single again, I truly could not be arsed trying to "date".
I'd just put the cue in the rack and give the whole thing a miss.
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 5, 2017 7:21:41 GMT -5
"8. Being intimate makes me cringe.
I'm slightly repulsed by the idea of sleeping with him. We've tapped first and second base, but anything more is unfathomable."
Article also is well worth reading by those married to refusers. Your spouses may be nice people who view you as nice, responsible and a great mate. But much as they want to feel romantic love for you, they don't. They can't make themselves lust for you even if on their checklist you for the bill -- including in looks-- for being the right partner.
There's no chemistry, no speak on their side and neither of you can make that happen.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 5, 2017 12:44:47 GMT -5
Not saying I never ghosted, but I'm sure she'd feel less guilty if she just said "I'm not that into you ..." I had a lot of dates with guys who were perfectly ok, but who I didn't like. I was like "next". Until I had a date with someone who I thought "I definitely know I don't NOT like him. I don't know how much I do like him and I know I do want to have sex with him and I know that even if I hadn't wanted to have sex with him I'd want to cultivate a friendship so let's see where this goes." With me, I usually don't NOT like people. I take a while to decide whether I like them or not. I want to like people, so I try to start out with that premise. |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 5, 2017 12:47:15 GMT -5
"8. Being intimate makes me cringe. I'm slightly repulsed by the idea of sleeping with him. We've tapped first and second base, but anything more is unfathomable." Article also is well worth reading by those married to refusers. Your spouses may be nice people who view you as nice, responsible and a great mate. But much as they want to feel romantic love for you, they don't. They can't make themselves lust for you even if on their checklist you for the bill -- including in looks-- for being the right partner. There's no chemistry, no speak on their side and neither of you can make that happen. I thought of that, too. What if Mr. Kat just lost the feelings of chemistry he had for me? Because I know he used to have those feelings. |
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 5, 2017 13:31:12 GMT -5
Due to his prescription drug addiction, Mr. kat likely lost all sexual chemistry with everyone.
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Post by ironhamster on Oct 5, 2017 17:02:52 GMT -5
I wonder how my W would answer. Tempting. I bet I hit at least five out of the ten.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 5, 2017 17:53:36 GMT -5
Due to his prescription drug addiction, Mr. kat likely lost all sexual chemistry with everyone. Yeah, I keep trying to remember that. |
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Post by Caris on Oct 5, 2017 20:29:42 GMT -5
baza, "If I suddenly found myself single again, I truly could not be arsed trying to "date". I'd just put the cue in the rack and give the whole thing a miss." It's terribly lonely, though, Baz. I'm like you really in that I can't be bothered, for numerous reasons, but God, I miss intimacy and a special closeness in my life. It's definitely not opposite land...not for me, at least. It's like nowhere land. Still without touch, hugs, sex, affection, companionship, and it hurts as much as in the SM. The only difference is no one is rejecting me, or playing head games with me. Of course, it is better not to be in that toxic relationship, but that's the only part that's better.
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Post by Caris on Oct 5, 2017 20:39:23 GMT -5
What's "ghosting?"
I can't bring myself to date anyone, but I don't think I could date someone I don't like. That would be seeing someone because I'm lonely, which I am, but I think I'd rather be lonely than do that. It would be boring.
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Post by misssunnybunny on Oct 5, 2017 20:51:33 GMT -5
Caris, I agree that the loneliness of Opposite Land can be so painful. It is better to be out and away from all the negativity, and I have a decent social life, but lacking a closer intimate relationship is disheartening. Ghosting is when someone suddenly cuts off all contact, for no apparent reason.
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Post by Caris on Oct 5, 2017 21:27:05 GMT -5
Caris, I agree that the loneliness of Opposite Land can be so painful. It is better to be out and away from all the negativity, and I have a decent social life, but lacking a closer intimate relationship is disheartening. Ghosting is when someone suddenly cuts off all contact, for no apparent reason. Thanks for explaining. That's happened to me on EP. |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 5, 2017 21:51:31 GMT -5
What's "ghosting?" I can't bring myself to date anyone, but I don't think I could date someone I don't like. That would be seeing someone because I'm lonely, which I am, but I think I'd rather be lonely than do that. It would be boring. I date, but I guess I'm just too picky. |
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 6, 2017 6:27:49 GMT -5
" I can't bring myself to date anyone, but I don't think I could date someone I don't like. "
That's a healthy attitude. If one doesn't like someone, there would be no point in dating them. Dating is supposed to be fun not an exercise in endurance. Most of us went through an exercise in endurance in our marriages.
Note to Kat, you say, "maybe I'm too picky." I say, "maybe you haven't found the right man." Your not finding a man who is a good match doesn't mean something is wrong with you. Presumably, before Mr Kat became an addict you didn't have to force yourself to be with him.
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