Found and bought this weekend

I DO have the balls to put it in the kitchen, but am not sure of a clever way to 'splain it to the girls, so, I put it in my nightstand.

I had an extravagant weekend - which I deserved but had a hard time accepting. There's five of us and we have been friends since we were nine years old. They are my sisters and my loves. We turned 40 this year.

Relaxing spa weekend. Really only one rowdy night (with my bawdy counter-part) until 4 a.m. and man, it was pretty ridiculous (considering the setting at least). The two of us are not meant for the kinder folk - even at our 40th birthday celebration. Let's just say - in some ways, we are not "grown" but we're funny as shit.

Over the last decade, I have been the one that didn't have the money to do these things. I made it to everything I could, but had to pass on one's wedding in France, another's bachelorette party state-side but have tried to make it to what I can. They have also been kind in picking venues (for the most part) that I could make. Mostly, over the years, we have gotten together at each other's homes - me eating their food, drinking their booze. I got myself there is about it. They have always been cool about it - thankful I made it and helped me if I needed it.

This time? I had the money to play - but man, it felt really strange. An expensive spa hotel? 🤑Fine dining every night? 🤑 Spa treatments?🤑 They had no qualms about dropping serious cash ($600) for massages and facials 🤑. I went for a half facial, a pedi and mani! I still spent too much to feel good about it.

Champagne with dinner? Please call the sommelier! He will help.

Wtf is an amuse bouche and why is the chef sending us food before our appetizer arrives? What are all these cheeses? Meats? That's the name of this fish? I never heard of that! Cool. I guess that sounds good? Fish with head and eyes and it stares at you? But they can filet it? They leave the head on but remove the bones? Why don't they remove the head, too? Ummmm...

I thought I was cultured. I mean, I order my steak medium rare. I don't salt my food.

They take turns sampling each other's food. They talk about what's in each other's food. They close their eyes and try to find the secret ingredient on their palet that "makes" the goat cheese beet salad with other-shit-I-cannot-remember, special. It's an orgasm to them.

One night - desert was 5 x 1/2 inch bites on a plate with a snot of raspberry smeared on a'la Jackson Pollack. Somehow we all got a "bite" of each one - to be honest I scraped my tooth on the mound, licked my tooth and tasted it that way. No earthly idea how they mustered a dissertation on the ingredients.

I have never spent that much money on stuff I would excrete later. Never.

Ugh. Not physically in a good place right now either. I am trying but it will be a long slog. On one pic, I unfortunately got put on the end and I look like a human thumb - to their four slender fingers. I guess that's lesson #1 - eat expensive food, take a mere bite or two at $50/bite and stay slim. FML.

Pool talk - pretty sure we come from different walks of life. By my estimation there is me-the refused, two refusers (one is just pregnant from IVF and has been fucking A LOT before so I give her a pass - don't judge -it's been 6 years of this), one that gets it and likes it all the time (even anal!), and another I think is lesbian but won't come out.

But! Here's the thing - their husbands love them and care about them. They care about their well-being. They "oil the car" and keep it running. One's husband sent us a pre-ordered bottle of champagne and Rose' with a "Happy Birthday" card to the group! These spa treatments, these dinners, this extravagance on their part is part of how these husbands care for my best friends. They love their wives and recognized it as a special occasion. Even the one friend of mine who screws all the time - and is the serious majority breadwinner - her husband called daily lamenting that he was lonely without her.

I got home at midnight last night. The kids were alive and asleep. For that, I am thankful. The house was a mess.

I had a great weekend with my friends - but I don't understand them all the time. We came from the same background! They are creatures I study and learn from. Wow! I need to up my game.


But I am still funny as hell. When they picked me up from the airport - I was dressed-up as Alan from the Hangover.

Because they are my fancy wolf-pack and, I am funny as shit: