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Post by Deleted on Sept 13, 2017 14:10:33 GMT -5
Hi my love.
Can I call you love? Cause I do still love you although you continue to neglect me…
I know you have a great job and make a good income to us. But I do work too and I´m not making money now because we agreed that it would be better for our daughter if I could stay with her, so I´m working half schedule.
I know you work hard. I do work hard too, taking care of our daughter, laundry, house, doing dishes AND working.
I know you feel tired sometimes. Yes, I do feel tired like always.
I know you have a headache sometimes. It happens with every one once in a while…
But here the things that I DON´T KNOW:
- Why you couldn´t go to bed with me when I asked. Not to have sex, only for your company, for chat about our day, maybe cuddling and watch a movie together
- Why you started to lay down with your back to me
- Why you were always so tired or with a headache when I tried to initiate the sex although you were apparently good before it
- Why I had to beg for sex to get pregnant if you always said that you wanted to be a father
- Why you try to blame our daughter for our lack of intimacy now, knowing that you had 5 years of marriage before her birth and at least a year after her birth to have all the intimacy a couple need (until she started to sleep in our bed because of YOU who alleged you wanted to spend more time with her)
- Why you have to get up in the middle of the night or early morning to watch porn when I´m here next to you wanting some attention (yes, I know what you´ve been doing)
- Why one of those nights when I got up after you, you just sat on the coach and watched TV. I was there for you, wanting you…
- Why you cry every time I tell you that things will never be as they were before because I´m feeling tired of being neglected
- Why you buy me expensive gifts hoping have my love back
- Why do you want to hold my hand, hug me, kiss me if I don´t feel I want it anymore
- Why I´m still with you since I realized how unhappy I am
At the end… I think I won´t call you love because I just realized I don´t love you anymore.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 13, 2017 14:11:01 GMT -5
I´m sorry, I just needed to vent some stuff...
I´m feeling better now lol
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Post by Deleted on Sept 13, 2017 14:26:37 GMT -5
At the end… I think I won´t call you love because I just realized I don´t love you anymore. Very sad, but I completely understand. After a while, sexual rejection kills any love you had for a spouse. |
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Post by bballgirl on Sept 13, 2017 15:03:17 GMT -5
Hugs
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Post by northstarmom on Sept 13, 2017 15:14:03 GMT -5
I wrote several similar letters to my refuser. The first was in 1986 when our first and then only child was just 2. The last was 5 years ago. The only one I ever showed him was the last one. I did, however, have The Talk with him -- several times. In all of the talks and all but the last letter, I had hope. By the time I wrote the last one, my hope was gone, and I asked for a divorce. I have been divorced for four years. Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if I'd divorced earlier. However, I've come to the conclusion that when I was ready to divorce, that's what I did.
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Post by shamwow on Sept 13, 2017 15:34:16 GMT -5
I´m sorry, I just needed to vent some stuff... I´m feeling better now lol I wrote a similar letter at one point. Never gave it to her, but it was great to vent. |
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Post by h on Sept 13, 2017 16:12:30 GMT -5
I just wrote a similar letter to my wife yesterday. I will keep it and only give it to her if/when I file for divorce.
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Post by tirefire on Sept 13, 2017 20:11:22 GMT -5
Yup. I write that letter over and over in my head between sets at the gym.
You get a big hug from me.
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Post by shamwow on Sept 13, 2017 22:35:00 GMT -5
I just wrote a similar letter to my wife yesterday. I will keep it and only give it to her if/when I file for divorce. If you are looking to keep the peace because of the kids a toned down version would be better. My first draft was a 7 page rant. The final version was edited with the help of some of the ladies on the forum and really helped pave the way to an amicable split. |
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Post by baza on Sept 13, 2017 23:15:16 GMT -5
You pose 10+ "why" questions in your post Sister @feelingrejected.
"Why chasing" is about the biggest waste of time there is in these common situations of ours. (but I would acknowledge that we have all done it, and personally I have to put up my hand for having done it for nigh on two decades. All it got me was older.)
The thing is that you knowing "why" your spouse doesn't want to fuck you does nothing - nothing whatsoever - to alter the fact that your spouse doesn't want to fuck you.
Whether you know "why" or not makes no difference to that basic fact.
"Why" chasing is a good habit to drop.
It doesn't help.
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Post by h on Sept 14, 2017 4:36:15 GMT -5
I just wrote a similar letter to my wife yesterday. I will keep it and only give it to her if/when I file for divorce. If you are looking to keep the peace because of the kids a toned down version would be better. My first draft was a 7 page rant. The final version was edited with the help of some of the ladies on the forum and really helped pave the way to an amicable split. Mine is toned down. No angry rant. Just hurt loneliness and unmet needs that go all the way back to the wedding night. No hate or accusations, but a recognition that our marriage was a mistake and never should have happened at all. |
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Post by shamwow on Sept 14, 2017 6:35:25 GMT -5
If you are looking to keep the peace because of the kids a toned down version would be better. My first draft was a 7 page rant. The final version was edited with the help of some of the ladies on the forum and really helped pave the way to an amicable split. Mine is toned down. No angry rant. Just hurt loneliness and unmet needs that go all the way back to the wedding night. No hate or accusations, but a recognition that our marriage was a mistake and never should have happened at all. I thoight mine was toned down too. If you want to make sure it is toned down I'd suggest getting feedback on it from a woman. Look, now that the divorce is over I am finding myself caring less and less about my ex wife's feelings. She put me through more pain than anyone else in my life ever has. But making every effort I could to make the PROCESS amicable made what could have been 6 months of torture into mere discomfort. It also made it easier on the kids and set the stage for a clean break when it was all over. We won't ever be friends. Not really. But getting a woman or 3 to review it ensured I wasn't making the news any harder on her than it had to he. In the end it made the process easier on ME. |
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Post by h on Sept 14, 2017 6:57:44 GMT -5
Mine is toned down. No angry rant. Just hurt loneliness and unmet needs that go all the way back to the wedding night. No hate or accusations, but a recognition that our marriage was a mistake and never should have happened at all. I thoight mine was toned down too. If you want to make sure it is toned down I'd suggest getting feedback on it from a woman. Look, now that the divorce is over I am finding myself caring less and less about my ex wife's feelings. She put me through more pain than anyone else in my life ever has. But making every effort I could to make the PROCESS amicable made what could have been 6 months of torture into mere discomfort. It also made it easier on the kids and set the stage for a clean break when it was all over. We won't ever be friends. Not really. But getting a woman or 3 to review it ensured I wasn't making the news any harder on her than it had to he. In the end it made the process easier on ME. If I decide to give it to her, I will take your advice and have it reviewed. I know very few women (I have avoided most women in an effort to avoid the temptation to stray) but I can find at least one to read it. We don't have children to worry about but I still don't intend the letter to be mean or rude, just to convey facts and prevent any attempted reset. Would someone here be an ok choice or should I look for someone IRL due to understandable bias? |
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Post by shamwow on Sept 14, 2017 7:08:38 GMT -5
I thoight mine was toned down too. If you want to make sure it is toned down I'd suggest getting feedback on it from a woman. Look, now that the divorce is over I am finding myself caring less and less about my ex wife's feelings. She put me through more pain than anyone else in my life ever has. But making every effort I could to make the PROCESS amicable made what could have been 6 months of torture into mere discomfort. It also made it easier on the kids and set the stage for a clean break when it was all over. We won't ever be friends. Not really. But getting a woman or 3 to review it ensured I wasn't making the news any harder on her than it had to he. In the end it made the process easier on ME. If I decide to give it to her, I will take your advice and have it reviewed. I know very few women (I have avoided most women in an effort to avoid the temptation to stray) but I can find at least one to read it. We don't have children to worry about but I still don't intend the letter to be mean or rude, just to convey facts and prevent any attempted reset. Would someone here be an ok choice or should I look for someone IRL due to understandable bias? I asked several of the women here. They understood what I'd gone through and also could see it from a woman's perspective. I'll pm you and share mine if you want. I may even have some pm conversations around it I can share so you can see the major changes. Let me know. |
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Post by h on Sept 14, 2017 7:26:41 GMT -5
If I decide to give it to her, I will take your advice and have it reviewed. I know very few women (I have avoided most women in an effort to avoid the temptation to stray) but I can find at least one to read it. We don't have children to worry about but I still don't intend the letter to be mean or rude, just to convey facts and prevent any attempted reset. Would someone here be an ok choice or should I look for someone IRL due to understandable bias? I asked several of the women here. They understood what I'd gone through and also could see it from a woman's perspective. I'll pm you and share mine if you want. I may even have some pm conversations around it I can share so you can see the major changes. Let me know. Mine is in a Google doc. I'll PM you a link but I can't get to it until I get home from work (and find some time without the W looking over my shoulder). |
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