Why you should never be ashamed of your divorce.

Enjoyed the article Brother greatcoastal .

I'd make this observation - given the opening line - "When Ellen Myers finalized her divorce in 2013 . . . . ."

I would bet good money that in the intervening 4 years to now her attitude to the divorce, her friends and family and kids and everyone else involved attitudes have mellowed out a lot.

My experience (over 7 years out) is that no-one gives a fuck that I am divorced now, or "why" I am divorced.

I've got friends (men and women) who are divorced. Hasn't changed my opinion about them as people one iota.

Short term, you may get judgey fuckwits (like the "glances at her empty ring finger, a lack of invitations from former friends, and, most troublingly, a pointed remark from a clergy member at her church" as described in the article.
I would again bet good money that these people are no longer major players in her life now, 4 years on.

In an ILIASM shithole, "time" is not your friend.
Post ILIASM shithole, "time" is your very good friend.

That's not to say there won't be judgey fuckwits in the immediate aftermath of a divorce. There quite likely will be.
But it doesn't last.
Peoples interest in your divorce wanes very quickly.
They have their own shit to deal with to have much ongoing interest in your life.

This "Ellen Myers" does say (4 years down the track) - "I'm able to look back now and see that I was doing the best I could with what I had at the time," she says. "Now my life is so much better, both for me and my kids, and I've discovered I'm stronger than I ever knew — and that's something I'm immensely proud of."
She doesn't sound like those previously judgey fuckwits are playing much of a role in her life now.

One part of this article that hit home is the "embarrassment that I wasn't able to make this marriage last". For me that helps explain the warning of red flags, keeping the peace, and going along to get along- having any of my boundaries and needs run over like a tank.

Therapy was like a detective interrogation process, showing so much of the manipulation, ( much to my advantage). It lasted about a year. Add onto that this sight, shrink4men several good books, and Divorce Recovery, and I am ready for zip code therapy.

Even though we are still legally married. There's been enough changes over the past two years to see who's going to side with you, be against you, not care at all, and those who will be very helpful in my new beginning.

So...the embarrassment takes a back seat to doing what has been desperately needed for myself and my teens. The embarrassment diminishes with time as my new life with new people emerges.