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Post by WindSister on Sept 7, 2017 10:37:45 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Sept 7, 2017 11:01:12 GMT -5
I'm on his email list, and have read his book, too. Mark Manson rules.
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Post by DryCreek on Sept 7, 2017 14:27:55 GMT -5
Excellent article! I particularly liked this snippet:
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Post by Caris on Sept 7, 2017 14:46:16 GMT -5
Excellent article! I particularly liked this snippet: I just got my answer. |
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Post by Caris on Sept 7, 2017 14:53:51 GMT -5
Thanks for sharing. The timing of this was perfect for me. While I'm a Fu*k Yes! about him, I'm feeling a grey area with him, so it must be a Fu*k No! on his part. However, I don't show my F Yes! due to my issues and insecurities, so maybe he's the same, but that just takes me back to the "grey area," so for whatever reason, and even though I'm crazy about him, it must fall into the F No! 😔 Oh well. At least this validated my own thoughts.
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Post by DryCreek on Sept 7, 2017 14:57:19 GMT -5
Thanks for sharing. The timing of this was perfect for me. While I'm a Fu*k Yes! about him, I'm feeling a grey area with him, so it must be a Fu*k No! on his part. However, I don't show my F Yes! due to my issues and insecurities, so maybe he's the same, but that just takes me back to the "grey area," so for whatever reason, and even though I'm crazy about him, it must fall into the F No! 😔 Oh well. At least this validated my own thoughts. My $.02... tell him and then gauge his reaction on this scale. Heck, send him the article! |
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Post by Caris on Sept 7, 2017 15:24:49 GMT -5
DryCreek, no, like Mark Manson says, there has to be enthusiasm, and I'm not feeling it coming from him. I think this is the missing ingredient.
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Post by shamwow on Sept 8, 2017 7:35:24 GMT -5
I'm getting on a plane in a few hours to see ballofconfusion so I guess for us it's pretty obvious. This will make our fourth visit to see each other (each visiting the other twice). I'd say it's "Fuck yes!" |
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Post by WindSister on Sept 8, 2017 8:30:12 GMT -5
OK overall I agree with this. I believe anyone should listen to this. But it ain't fool proof, cause I had a FUCK YES once and it sure as hell seemed she FUCK YES'D me back. Then we had kids and then it became FUCK THIS! Yeah, nothing is guaranteed and we are complex dynamic beings - things can change. That's why we have to re-evaluate in relationships. |
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Post by shamwow on Sept 8, 2017 10:06:57 GMT -5
OK overall I agree with this. I believe anyone should listen to this. But it ain't fool proof, cause I had a FUCK YES once and it sure as hell seemed she FUCK YES'D me back. Then we had kids and then it became FUCK THIS! Yeah, nothing is guaranteed and we are complex dynamic beings - things can change. That's why we have to re-evaluate in relationships. In Mark Manson's defense, he is talking about meeting someone, not marrying someone. That's one reason I'm not a huge fan of marriage. It locks you into something where it may turn into a "no" even after "fuck yes" has receded into a distant memory. If it ever turns into a "fuck this" then both parties should not be bound in law to stay together in misery. Doesn't mean marriage isn't for everyone, just not for me. |
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Post by WindSister on Sept 8, 2017 10:51:01 GMT -5
Yeah, nothing is guaranteed and we are complex dynamic beings - things can change. That's why we have to re-evaluate in relationships. In Mark Manson's defense, he is talking about meeting someone, not marrying someone. That's one reason I'm not a huge fan of marriage. It locks you into something where it may turn into a "no" even after "fuck yes" has receded into a distant memory. If it ever turns into a "fuck this" then both parties should not be bound in law to stay together in misery. Doesn't mean marriage isn't for everyone, just not for me. Don't blame you for thinking that way!  I actually just read an article about how marriage changes personalities and how some personality types are "better suited" for it. Me and my husband are simply suited for it and it's both of our goals to make it happy one (a top priority in our life, not some side "thing" we are involved in with everything else coming before it). We work as a team, truly. But yeah, not everyone will thrive in that kind of a set-up. Nothing wrong with either choice, knowing yourself is the key. |
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Post by shamwow on Sept 8, 2017 11:34:18 GMT -5
In Mark Manson's defense, he is talking about meeting someone, not marrying someone. That's one reason I'm not a huge fan of marriage. It locks you into something where it may turn into a "no" even after "fuck yes" has receded into a distant memory. If it ever turns into a "fuck this" then both parties should not be bound in law to stay together in misery. Doesn't mean marriage isn't for everyone, just not for me. Don't blame you for thinking that way! I actually just read an article about how marriage changes personalities and how some personality types are "better suited" for it. Me and my husband are simply suited for it and it's both of our goals to make it happy one (a top priority in our life, not some side "thing" we are involved in with everything else coming before it). We work as a team, truly. But yeah, not everyone will thrive in that kind of a set-up. Nothing wrong with either choice, knowing yourself is the key. I'd be interested in the article if you've got it handy. I actually think I was well suited to marriage in my 20's and 30's. Just not so much in my mid 40's and beyond. Curious to see if the article addresses this. |
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Post by WindSister on Sept 8, 2017 11:55:42 GMT -5
Don't blame you for thinking that way! I actually just read an article about how marriage changes personalities and how some personality types are "better suited" for it. Me and my husband are simply suited for it and it's both of our goals to make it happy one (a top priority in our life, not some side "thing" we are involved in with everything else coming before it). We work as a team, truly. But yeah, not everyone will thrive in that kind of a set-up. Nothing wrong with either choice, knowing yourself is the key. I'd be interested in the article if you've got it handy. I actually think I was well suited to marriage in my 20's and 30's. Just not so much in my mid 40's and beyond. Curious to see if the article addresses this. Ask and ye shall receive. www.bbc.com/future/story/20170831-how-marriage-changes-people-foreverTo be critical of the article - LIFE changes people forever. EVENTS. Death, kids, illnesses, relationships, friendships, work, the loss of jobs, the loss of friendships, etc. and on and on. So.. I don't know. I was exploring the whole marriage thing for awhile there, kind of in a way to defend my own choice, but in the end, we don't have defend it and there are no words to describe why it's right for me/us at this stage of life. It just feels good. I am a little sad the rest of the world sees no real value in marriage anymore, but then, it doesn't affect me and my choice and what we gain from it. So I let it go. When others say it's like jail and such, I know where they coming from - it simply does not describe our marriage. |
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Post by shamwow on Sept 8, 2017 12:21:33 GMT -5
I'd be interested in the article if you've got it handy. I actually think I was well suited to marriage in my 20's and 30's. Just not so much in my mid 40's and beyond. Curious to see if the article addresses this. Ask and ye shall receive. www.bbc.com/future/story/20170831-how-marriage-changes-people-foreverTo be critical of the article - LIFE changes people forever. EVENTS. Death, kids, illnesses, relationships, friendships, work, the loss of jobs, the loss of friendships, etc. and on and on. So.. I don't know. I was exploring the whole marriage thing for awhile there, kind of in a way to defend my own choice, but in the end, we don't have defend it and there are no words to describe why it's right for me/us at this stage of life. It just feels good. I am a little sad the rest of the world sees no real value in marriage anymore, but then, it doesn't affect me and my choice and what we gain from it. So I let it go. When others say it's like jail and such, I know where they coming from - it simply does not describe our marriage. Ye gads! "In that time, 20 of the women married while 29 of them divorced. Relative to those who tied the knot, the divorcees showed increased extroversion and openness, as if freed from the shackles of wedlock. Newly married men, by contrast, showed benefits compared with their divorced peers, scoring higher on conscientiousness and lower in neuroticism." This is the kind of thing that annoys me with this kind of article. It cites studies. It then compares apples to oranges. It then makes the judgement call that apples taste better than oranges. So when women get divorced it's good that they are more extroverted and open. Ok, that sounds good. But rather than compare men against the same yardstick, they are measured against how conscientious they are and how neurotic they are. WTF? I can't speak for all men, but I can say that since my divorce (including the time between when I asked for the divorce and the legal system caught up) I'm more extroverted and open. I was also more conscientious when I got married, but so are most women. I actually have an undergraduate major in Sociology. This kind of article takes what may or may not be a decent scientific study and throws a Cosmo spin on it. Actually worse than useless since it draws conclusions that the data may or may not support. WindSister I'm not ragging on you on this at all. Just venting about the poor writing of the article. |
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Post by WindSister on Sept 8, 2017 12:27:37 GMT -5
Ask and ye shall receive. www.bbc.com/future/story/20170831-how-marriage-changes-people-foreverTo be critical of the article - LIFE changes people forever. EVENTS. Death, kids, illnesses, relationships, friendships, work, the loss of jobs, the loss of friendships, etc. and on and on. So.. I don't know. I was exploring the whole marriage thing for awhile there, kind of in a way to defend my own choice, but in the end, we don't have defend it and there are no words to describe why it's right for me/us at this stage of life. It just feels good. I am a little sad the rest of the world sees no real value in marriage anymore, but then, it doesn't affect me and my choice and what we gain from it. So I let it go. When others say it's like jail and such, I know where they coming from - it simply does not describe our marriage. Ye gads! "In that time, 20 of the women married while 29 of them divorced. Relative to those who tied the knot, the divorcees showed increased extroversion and openness, as if freed from the shackles of wedlock. Newly married men, by contrast, showed benefits compared with their divorced peers, scoring higher on conscientiousness and lower in neuroticism." This is the kind of thing that annoys me with this kind of article. It cites studies. It then compares apples to oranges. It then makes the judgement call that apples taste better than oranges. So when women get divorced it's good that they are more extroverted and open. Ok, that sounds good. But rather than compare men against the same yardstick, they are measured against how conscientious they are and how neurotic they are. WTF? I can't speak for all men, but I can say that since my divorce (including the time between when I asked for the divorce and the legal system caught up) I'm more extroverted and open. I was also more conscientious when I got married, but so are most women. I actually have an undergraduate major in Sociology. This kind of article takes what may or may not be a decent scientific study and throws a Cosmo spin on it. Actually worse than useless since it draws conclusions that the data may or may not support. WindSister I'm not ragging on you on this at all. Just venting about the poor writing of the article. Well, I appreciate your take. I didn't take it fully to heart but pieces of it may have spoken to me. In the end, what others do just doesn't matter. Know thyself and live accordingly. |
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