|
|
Post by WindSister on Sept 8, 2017 12:24:55 GMT -5
Fwiw, demonstrating genuine happiness in an activity ups one's chances of finding a partner. Thus it is important to choose an activity that you would enjoy regardless of whether romance happens. The husband of my dancing friend said she stood out due to her joy. He said that contrasted with that of most middle aged single women, whom he said seemed bitter and angry. My friend's happiness won him over even though she was older than him and had been divorced twice, things that normally would have caused him not to date her. Love this!!! Seeing people in their natural element is a huge turn-on. To see people's eyes' light up with life and enthusiasm when most are walking around with pure drudgery? Awesome. Yes, do what you love and love doing it! Life is too damn short to be a walking dead zombie and it's hard to turn someone else on if you, yourself, are just barely breathing and feeling pissed off at the world. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 8, 2017 13:42:17 GMT -5
While dancing classes and similar activities often are mainly couples and very old people, one of my friends, age 56, has found several boyfriends at such places. Another was around 58 14 years ago when she met her husband at a weekly contra dance. He said he was attracted to her because she looked so happy. Neither woman were dancing to meet men. They went because they liked dancing. I think you like activities better if you go to ones you really like - instead of going with the subtext of finding dates. I look at it this way: I already have to do enough stuff I don't want to do. I am not wasting my precious time on any group or activity that I already know from experience that I dislike. I go to activities that I know or believe that I would like, even if there were no men there at all. Since a lot of things I like don't seem to attract men, that's why I do online dating as well. |
|
|
|
Post by Caris on Sept 8, 2017 15:19:47 GMT -5
@smartkat, I'm the same. I go to activities I enjoy for their own sake. Actually, I hardly go anywhere, but when I do, those are the activities I choose. I've not been anywhere just to look for a man, and while it's possible I'd find one, it's unlikely, and that's why I use a dating site, although I've never been on a date.
|
|
|
|
Post by dinnaken on Sept 9, 2017 6:36:14 GMT -5
Hi Caris I take your point about the selfishness of men but I'll make this (lighthearted) observation: I went into my marriage with the weird idea that you put the other person first; their thoughts, needs, wishes etc. were paramount -selflessness was the key. Well, that just meant I handed myself over, trussed & ready and on a platter to a control-freak. So, I had to learn to be selfish, to make my space in the marriage and to put myself first, not give a shit about her wants and desires whenever they put me at any sort of disadvantage or discomfort. I had to learn to be an arse... And now I'm out of my marriage, I have to unlearn all of that to have any chance of a relationship in the future. Good game, good game... |
|
|
|
Post by Caris on Sept 9, 2017 11:49:35 GMT -5
Hi Caris I take your point about the selfishness of men but I'll make this (lighthearted) observation: I went into my marriage with the weird idea that you put the other person first; their thoughts, needs, wishes etc. were paramount -selflessness was the key. Well, that just meant I handed myself over, trussed & ready and on a platter to a control-freak. So, I had to learn to be selfish, to make my space in the marriage and to put myself first, not give a shit about her wants and desires whenever they put me at any sort of disadvantage or discomfort. I had to learn to be an arse... And now I'm out of my marriage, I have to unlearn all of that to have any chance of a relationship in the future. Good game, good game... I know what you mean. Absolutely, I do. It's a matter of learning survival skills in the marriage, toughening up, becoming more skeptical and learning to make yourself a priority. That last one took me more than 20-years to learn because I'm naturally an agreeable person, and I was going against my grain. I'm still an agreeable person, but with a sharp edge, and a healthy dose of skepticism, maybe even cynicism (although I don't like the latter, but it's what it makes you). As you said, we have to unlearn the survival tactics, or maybe just soften our edges a bit. I don't actually think we ever get rid of all of this baggage, and maybe it's wise to be a bit less agreeable than we were, which made us tolerate the toxicity. We are better off being a little more bad a*s. |
|
