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Post by wanderlust on Oct 5, 2017 1:17:02 GMT -5
Earthhorse, I don't know if this helps but here goes. 10 years ago I was married to an unfaithful spouse. 25 years of marriage. Our 3 kids were mostly grown, sex life was not an issue. I stayed 3 additional years to try and work everything out. I would have been very happy if we could have saved the marriage. In the end it wasn't the cheating, it was the trust. I agonized for 36 months about working it out, trying every possible thing that might save the marriage. Some had a positive effect, other things, not so much. We did counselling, she was put on happy pills but would not take them consistently. For me, the divorce was the easy part, it ended the misery. Divorce is financially and emotionally devastating. It destroys the family unit, some of your friendships and completely, irrevocably destroys everything you have worked for. Even if you are on amicable terms as we were. I did feel good about myself knowing that I had tried everything I could possibly think of to make it work before I let go. In the end, all I felt was relief it was over.
Good luck to you.
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 5, 2017 6:31:13 GMT -5
"For me, the divorce was the easy part, it ended the misery. Divorce is financially and emotionally devastating. It destroys the family unit, some of your friendships and completely, irrevocably destroys everything you have worked for. "
Divorce was the easy part for me, too. After years of him treating me like a mere roommate and both of us living separate lives, it was good to end the sham. No friendships were lost. We didn't ask or want friends to take sides. We had no blowups. It didn't affect our family that much. I think one kid was relieved. The other by his choice lived such a separate life that I don't know what he thought. Our kids were out of the house, live hundreds to thousands of miles away and didn't come home very often. My ex and I continue on the same page as parents.
Divorce didn't in my case destroy everything we had worked for. Both of us moved out of our house but it already was hard to maintain and was too big since the kids were gone and we were in our 60s.
Being married to a man who didn't love me was far worse than divorce.
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Post by ironhamster on Oct 5, 2017 7:00:45 GMT -5
"[Divorce...destroys everything you've worked for...]"
A few months ago when I was coming to grips with my situation, I was out back, tending to my gardens, overlooking our private lake. My home is entirely paid off, and I once expected that, some day, I'd be carried out the doors feet first. I was at peace with the realization that, paid off or not, it's not mine any more. Within four years, I'll be somewhere else, and I'm very comfortable with that.
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