Post by McRoomMate on Sept 2, 2017 4:54:43 GMT -5
If anyone remembers the movie "Dr. Zhivago" - well the core of the novel and the movie is the conflict the Doctor has between his Wife and his Mistress and in the end loses both.
I am at a cross roads too. My new now Ex-Girlfriend had strong borderline personality (known as "BPD") characteristics which if anybody has ever dated a Woman like that- they are usually very beautiful extremely seductive, absolutely wild and passionate in bed and out, but coupled with severe abandonment issues and extreme Idealization (I am "the Man of Her Dreams") one minute and the next day Devaluation( when I screw up something I am SubHuman and have never been so criticized). She also has the uncontrollable anger which had erupted several times in just the short 6 months we were together but not until the last few months resulting in me breaking up with her. She does not have the other symptoms much. So not being a psychologist I would say tendencies to be BPD.
So she left at my insistence. We talked about getting back together and she pushed very hard, putting lots of pressure on me to take her back or else, but I chickened out - she wanted to move back with all her stuff and I could still sense her potential.
today she gave me an ultimatum and I still refused - so hopefully that is that.
I was totally infatuated/obsessed/in love with her but I can feel it waxing with each day.
My separated Wife wants us to try again. She has admitted now that we both are to blame. We both have normal libidos, mine is higher than hers but still so the SM resulted in apathy and everything getting in the way of our Couple which we both neglected. I developed a porn addiction and then started outsourcing to deal with it. In the meantime we built a fantastic Family together of many children together.
I think if we both work at it and she agrees WORK at it that we might be able to re-kindle the passion - not the mad infatuated beginning passion but the ATTACHMENT - long term. I do still find her beautiful physically - since we separated she lost about 10 to 20 pounds and is in actually better shape than the day we first kissed 15 years ago. She has had mad love relationships her life too and so I know she is not asexual - she was just SM towards me and truth be told the last years there could be no "refuser" because neither of us even tried.
So here I am. Alone for over a month now (girlfriend left back in July and I have been moved out from Wife since April).
My heart goes out to the many here who have had H/W who are just asexual. In my case, I think it is two people with libidos that let everything in life get priority over the couple. We took each other for granted and then took each other for nothing.
However, the shock of the separation I think has hit her and me about that we can work for it and want it and make it happen.
Now as is common to say, I will nuance it "Everything was great except the COUPLE". We both know that and I am willing and I think she is too.
The truth is I may even be the more responsible for our SM than she is. I could easily be the H that some of our lady members have that lost interest and had a porn addiction and/or lovers on the side etc. I have an addictive personality and this whole thing might just be me coming to terms with a sex addiction of sorts and realizing it resulted in an SM. I don't know.
Yes, she is to blame too - I mean she really never initiated in the past 10 years other than after I threatened divorce. She has orgasms and passion when we made love - no Star fish.
Oh the other options - stay completely single and no women or dating = For me wow that is a tall order.
Other Option = I am dating and have gone thru several women dates - and being honest - I mean I do not lie to them to get them in bed - and not lie to my self to see if there is chemistry and a feeling before proceeding. No infatuation yet . . .
OK thanks end of my soul searching . . .
I am at a cross roads too. My new now Ex-Girlfriend had strong borderline personality (known as "BPD") characteristics which if anybody has ever dated a Woman like that- they are usually very beautiful extremely seductive, absolutely wild and passionate in bed and out, but coupled with severe abandonment issues and extreme Idealization (I am "the Man of Her Dreams") one minute and the next day Devaluation( when I screw up something I am SubHuman and have never been so criticized). She also has the uncontrollable anger which had erupted several times in just the short 6 months we were together but not until the last few months resulting in me breaking up with her. She does not have the other symptoms much. So not being a psychologist I would say tendencies to be BPD.
So she left at my insistence. We talked about getting back together and she pushed very hard, putting lots of pressure on me to take her back or else, but I chickened out - she wanted to move back with all her stuff and I could still sense her potential.
today she gave me an ultimatum and I still refused - so hopefully that is that.
I was totally infatuated/obsessed/in love with her but I can feel it waxing with each day.
My separated Wife wants us to try again. She has admitted now that we both are to blame. We both have normal libidos, mine is higher than hers but still so the SM resulted in apathy and everything getting in the way of our Couple which we both neglected. I developed a porn addiction and then started outsourcing to deal with it. In the meantime we built a fantastic Family together of many children together.
I think if we both work at it and she agrees WORK at it that we might be able to re-kindle the passion - not the mad infatuated beginning passion but the ATTACHMENT - long term. I do still find her beautiful physically - since we separated she lost about 10 to 20 pounds and is in actually better shape than the day we first kissed 15 years ago. She has had mad love relationships her life too and so I know she is not asexual - she was just SM towards me and truth be told the last years there could be no "refuser" because neither of us even tried.
So here I am. Alone for over a month now (girlfriend left back in July and I have been moved out from Wife since April).
My heart goes out to the many here who have had H/W who are just asexual. In my case, I think it is two people with libidos that let everything in life get priority over the couple. We took each other for granted and then took each other for nothing.
However, the shock of the separation I think has hit her and me about that we can work for it and want it and make it happen.
Now as is common to say, I will nuance it "Everything was great except the COUPLE". We both know that and I am willing and I think she is too.
The truth is I may even be the more responsible for our SM than she is. I could easily be the H that some of our lady members have that lost interest and had a porn addiction and/or lovers on the side etc. I have an addictive personality and this whole thing might just be me coming to terms with a sex addiction of sorts and realizing it resulted in an SM. I don't know.
Yes, she is to blame too - I mean she really never initiated in the past 10 years other than after I threatened divorce. She has orgasms and passion when we made love - no Star fish.
Oh the other options - stay completely single and no women or dating = For me wow that is a tall order.
Other Option = I am dating and have gone thru several women dates - and being honest - I mean I do not lie to them to get them in bed - and not lie to my self to see if there is chemistry and a feeling before proceeding. No infatuation yet . . .
OK thanks end of my soul searching . . .
