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Post by csl on Aug 25, 2017 16:00:34 GMT -5
What will fix a sexless marriage: I am reminded of the old joke, "How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but the lightbulb has to want to change." Odds are that, if we are here, we either know or we will soon know that our partners are not about to change because, for some odd reason, they don't want to find solutions. Actually, this is spot-on. I know of several wives who, after realizing what they had done through their refusal, DID recover empathy for their husbands, and found ways to change their marriages. I addressed this throughout the Has anyone actually turned a SM around? thread from January. |
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Post by baza on Sept 1, 2017 1:38:19 GMT -5
I think the relevant question here is actually "has anyone in this group been able to turn their ILIASM shithole around ?"
There is precious little evidence to that effect in this group.
In the broader sense, of jaded / troubled marriages, I could personally attest to such marriages turning around, in fact one of my brothers and his missus did so.
However, that marriage had not plummetted to the same degree of dysfunctionality as the examples seen in this group.
Now there are a couple (out of the 851 members in this group) Brother @time4living2 being one of them that readily come to mind who has made the turnaround.
I think the old adage about comparing apples to apples applies.
We are dealing with the very arse end of dysfunctional marriages in this group. The basket cases.
We are NOT dealing with "the average marriage" here.
We are NOT dealing with the "jaded / troubled" marriages here.
The situations described in this group are the elephant graveyard on the spectrum, and they do not recover apart from one or two outliers.
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Post by hopingforachange on Sept 1, 2017 8:58:02 GMT -5
Mine is still in the process. I am seeing a few rays of light but still not fully fixed. But I also saw what was happening before it got to the point that is common in the group. I had my radar up watching for a SM, since the W's parents have a SM.
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Sept 20, 2017 0:30:23 GMT -5
The problem is the very things you have listed go against the Refusers DNA.
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Post by novembercomingfire on Sept 20, 2017 8:09:53 GMT -5
I speculate that the first one, "Honesty", would have prevented my marriage in the first place. Amen. This. |
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Post by novembercomingfire on Sept 20, 2017 8:11:33 GMT -5
My stbx lacked empathy of any sort for me. But she claimed to be empathetic and that i was the one lacking. Empathy for everyone else maybe ...
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Post by wewbwb on Sept 20, 2017 9:29:19 GMT -5
We are dealing with the very arse end of dysfunctional marriages in this group. The basket cases.
We are NOT dealing with "the average marriage" here.
We are NOT dealing with the "jaded / troubled" marriages here.
The situations described in this group are the elephant graveyard on the spectrum, and they do not recover apart from one or two outliers.
Thanks.  |
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Post by wewbwb on Sept 20, 2017 9:31:06 GMT -5
Actually, when I read the title, I thought the list would be: 1- A shovel 2- A tarp 3- An alibi So baza is right....  |
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