What's LOVE got to do with it?

These "5 Languages of Love" and similar (in an ILIASM context) can certainly help you identify in which manner your spouse doesn't love you.

What you might then do with that information is another matter.

Love is important in a relationship,. But isn't, "love," the result of a mutually satisfying and respectful relationship?

IDK, the word, "love," is such a loaded one. And I would rather have proof of love in the form of action, than to simply hear the words, "I love you."

For example, my roommate, about 2 years ago, was leaving with kids for annual daddy-kid camping trip. Vehicle is packed, kids are tucked in with all their gadgets and activities, I am at door to say good bye, and he says, "I love you."

Huh. Hadn't heard that in a long while, and had not experienced much evidence of it as of late.

I blurted out, "no, you don't." To which he gave me a shocked look. And then they drove away.

Love is a result of action.

What action did I need? Quite simply, as ironic as it will seem because it's not a simple fix, I needed him to respond to my requests for help. A few years prior I begged him to help me navigate the marriage that was not fulfilling either of us. He ignored my request. Maybe he thought doing what he'd always done was good enough. Although that's a pretty huge disconnect when I've expressed that I'm depressed and unhappy.

I love my W too but the longer the SM goes on, the more that love turns into the type of love I have for relatives. Without the passion and physical connection of sex, the romantic love dies and the platonic love just isn't enough to make it worth the effort anymore.