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Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 15, 2017 22:11:16 GMT -5
Counseling last week went the SAME way as it alwats does... the gist of it - and, according to him, the "crux of the issue", is that I don't pay enough attention to him. His hobbies, his goals and dreams. I don't compliment him or tell him he looks good. So, that's why he's been the way he's been. And he can't talk to me because "Talking does no good".
The power went out toward the end of the session, and, because she uses Square to accept payments, and it was acting up, she was unable to charge us for the appointment. Also, when I walked out to my car, I had a nasty gram placed on it for parking in the same spot of part for the last 19 months. At the counselor's recommendation!
That was Wednesday… The following day, Thursday, I saw a brand new therapist. Just for myself. I am not terribly familIar with DBT, but I understand that it can be helpful to people with trauma in their backgrounds…
I told the woman everything - from my abusive dad, to my ex, to my SM. Her assessment of me was "I'm really surprised you haven't turned to drugs or alcohol!"
She only excepts cash or checks for some reason, so I was unable to pay her for the appointment at the time; she said let's just worry about it next week.
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Post by baza on Aug 15, 2017 22:44:23 GMT -5
Well it appears that the oxygen thief spouse is *safe* for a while yet whilst this other stuff plays out.
Even if you were to start the process of off-loading him now you'd likely be looking at a year to finally get rid of him.
And by then I wonder by how much more he'll be able to drive your finances into the ground.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 15, 2017 22:51:48 GMT -5
Well it appears that the oxygen thief spouse is *safe* for a while yet whilst this other stuff plays out. Even if you were to start the process of off-loading him now you'd likely be looking at a year to finally get rid of him. And by then I wonder by how much more he'll be able to drive your finances into the ground. Hopefully I'll have the funds left to turn to drugs and alcohol (sorry, bad joke). |
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Post by baza on Aug 15, 2017 23:09:03 GMT -5
FWIW, I think off-loading this bloke would have tremendous benefits to your economic, emotional and social health Sister mypaintbrushes . And with prime aggravation out of the way, and a decent personal counsellor in your corner, you'd be likely to fly I reckon. |
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 15, 2017 23:28:17 GMT -5
FWIW, I think off-loading this bloke would have tremendous benefits to your economic, emotional and social health Sister mypaintbrushes . And with prime aggravation out of the way, and a decent personal counsellor in your corner, you'd be likely to fly I reckon. I hope so. I'm sick of feeling like I'm only useful to anyone in terms of whether I pick up the tab for stuff. |
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Post by northstarmom on Aug 16, 2017 6:16:52 GMT -5
You are wasting your time in marital counseling. You are not the problem except for having chosen a selfish, irresponsible, emotionally abusice husband. Your husband will continue to blame you even though he is the problem. The counselor will keep accepting your money even though nothing is changing for the better in your marriage.
Great that you are in individual counseling with a woman. I hope she is ac licensed professional experienced in helping women who have histories of trauma or of being abused.
I also suggest you that you read about codependency and see a lawyer so you can separate your finances.
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Post by lifeinwoodinville on Aug 16, 2017 7:30:55 GMT -5
I'm just curious to know what your husband's hobbies are? I just find it interesting that you are supposed to be paying attention to them.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2017 10:53:46 GMT -5
Counseling last week went the SAME way as it alwats does... the gist of it - and, according to him, the "crux of the issue", is that I don't pay enough attention to him. His hobbies, his goals and dreams. I don't compliment him or tell him he looks good. So, that's why he's been the way he's been. And he can't talk to me because "Talking does no good". He is showing his true colors. When people show you who they really are, believe them. |
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 16, 2017 12:30:01 GMT -5
I'm just curious to know what your husband's hobbies are? I just find it interesting that you are supposed to be paying attention to them. RPG gaming, hiking, yoga. Basically. |
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Post by misssunnybunny on Aug 16, 2017 12:43:08 GMT -5
That was Wednesday… The following day, Thursday, I saw a brand new therapist. Just for myself. I am not terribly familIar with DBT, but I understand that it can be helpful to people with trauma in their backgrounds… I told the woman everything - from my abusive dad, to my ex, to my SM. Her assessment of me was "I'm really surprised you haven't turned to drugs or alcohol!" She only excepts cash or checks for some reason, so I was unable to pay her for the appointment at the time; she said let's just worry about it next week. DBT can be very helpful for those with trauma histories. Many clinicians don't do credit cards. If in the US, you can check her credentials on your state's licensing board, or simply google her and there should be information about her online. Best to you in counseling, it got me through my SM and also helped while I was leaving and afterward. |
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 16, 2017 13:04:55 GMT -5
That was Wednesday… The following day, Thursday, I saw a brand new therapist. Just for myself. I am not terribly familIar with DBT, but I understand that it can be helpful to people with trauma in their backgrounds… I told the woman everything - from my abusive dad, to my ex, to my SM. Her assessment of me was "I'm really surprised you haven't turned to drugs or alcohol!" She only excepts cash or checks for some reason, so I was unable to pay her for the appointment at the time; she said let's just worry about it next week. DBT can be very helpful for those with trauma histories. Many clinicians don't do credit cards. If in the US, you can check her credentials on your state's licensing board, or simply google her and there should be information about her online. Best to you in counseling, it got me through my SM and also helped while I was leaving and afterward. That did not even cross my mind, honestly, but it makes sense. I don't carry checks. 😊 |
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