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Post by baza on Aug 8, 2017 22:16:55 GMT -5
"there is nowhere else to go with this" . . . . . . at the moment Sister Caris , that is so, but it doesn't follow that this will be the case indefinitely or forever. Meantime, putting it out there in this - relatively safe - environment is as good a place as any to start. |
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Post by shamwow on Aug 9, 2017 10:47:51 GMT -5
Hope is a good thing Caris. Thats from the movie shawshank redemption. A great movie Don't ever lose hope, especially when the night is darkest. And speaking of shawshank redemption here is a nice scene when Red finally faces his fears, the prison system. The prison osystem in this scene is metaphor for our fears. I hope it gives you some inspiration. And if you have time, I highly recommend the movie! Thank you, dadeeo. Facing the cold hard truth is what was needed, and I've been running from it for years. I know it will be one step forward and two steps back (maybe that's reversed), but I think the truth will set me free regardless of the outcome. My fear is I would be like Brooks who became institutionalized (minus the rope of course) |
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Post by WindSister on Aug 9, 2017 10:58:54 GMT -5
I'm willing to bet that you're beautiful to someone. Your H was an ass to say that to you. It was very cruel, and had a devastating effect on my psyche because until that moment, I thought I was still nice looking, so I took some selfies (I hadn't taken pictures of myself in years), and that's when it really hit me that the woman I saw in the mirror was not this old woman in my selfies. The pain I felt was indescribable because, it was after asking him why he didn't want sex with me? This was well into 15-17 years of the marriage, and he turned to me and said, "go look in the mirror, you're ugly." My heart almost stopped with the shock and pain of those words. It was so cruel, and this was after all those years of rejection. When I took those selfies, I realized I'd grown old, and not realized it. My good looks were gone, and now there was no chance he (or any other man would want me). This is the first time in all these years, I've been able to say all this, and it's a relief in a way to have that monkey off my back because I carried it with shame. Thanks for sharing with us, you could be helping someone else in the process. I'm sorry you went through that pain. Your husband couldn't see beauty. He was blind to it and that's his loss because, how sad to live in such a shallow way. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, it's how I feel. I wish you continued healing. |
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Aug 9, 2017 11:05:36 GMT -5
I think facing fears is a natural aspect of our existence. Where we all struggle is finding the right tools and support environment to face those fears. Like the genetic lottery, and as Red and Brooks show, some people are luckier than others in that department. And thats why places like this forum are a beacon for many. I consider myself an optimist. I truly believe that deep down within each and every one of us lies the greatest power known to man. Love And its up to us to figure out how to manifest that power. I know that sounds trite, but I really believe it. Go team Red! My fear is I would be like Brooks who became institutionalized (minus the rope of course) |
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Post by Caris on Aug 9, 2017 14:39:08 GMT -5
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Post by Caris on Aug 9, 2017 14:57:24 GMT -5
I think facing fears is a natural aspect of our existence. Where we all struggle is finding the right tools and support environment to face those fears. Like the genetic lottery, and as Red and Brooks show, some people are luckier than others in that department. And thats why places like this forum are a beacon for many. I consider myself an optimist. I truly believe that deep down within each and every one of us lies the greatest power known to man. Love And its up to us to figure out how to manifest that power. I know that sounds trite, but I really believe it. Go team Red! My fear is I would be like Brooks who became institutionalized (minus the rope of course) It does not sound trite. Love is what got me through the years of EP, when my heart was broken, and I could hardly bear it. I practiced the wisdom of Ralph Waldo Emerson, "The only remedy for love is to love more." So I posted poetry of love. I looked for people who needed love and kindness, and gave them support. At that time, it really helped me get through by loving others. I stayed up all night with those who were threatening suicide, and as far as I know they all made it except one. A young man from India who wanted to die because of a lost love. He dissapeared one day, and never came back. I hope he just left, but I think that's my wishful thinking. One day I had no more to give, I was beyond exhausted, so I went to stay with my eldest son to recuperate. As it turned out, I ended up staying up all night again with a FB friend who wanted to die. By the morning, she was feeling more optimistic, and I was a wreck. I realized then that I have to have boundaries because I went home in worst shape than when I arrived. Since then, I've realized I can't save the world. I need to save myself first. I still love people and animals, but it's tempered now with self preservation. |
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Post by wewbwb on Aug 9, 2017 15:14:57 GMT -5
It does not sound trite. Love is what got me through the years of EP, when my heart was broken, and I could hardly bear it. I practiced the wisdom of Ralph Waldo Emerson, "The only remedy for love is to love more." So I posted poetry of love. I looked for people who needed love and kindness, and gave them support. At that time, it really helped me get through by loving others. I stayed up all night with those who were threatening suicide, and as far as I know they all made it except one. A young man from India who wanted to die because of a lost love. He dissapeared one day, and never came back. I hope he just left, but I think that's my wishful thinking. One day I had no more to give, I was beyond exhausted, so I went to stay with my eldest son to recuperate. As it turned out, I ended up staying up all night again with a FB friend who wanted to die. By the morning, she was feeling more optimistic, and I was a wreck. I realized then that I have to have boundaries because I went home in worst shape than when I arrived. Since then, I've realized I can't save the world. I need to save myself first. I still love people and animals, but it's tempered now with self preservation. 1st - Nobody named "Waldo" is going to lie. So that's a true quote. 2nd - Be you. Because that's worth loving. 3rd - If you "Lower your standards" that's what you are going to get. Less. |
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Aug 9, 2017 15:20:48 GMT -5
Go team Caris! It does not sound trite. Love is what got me through the years of EP, when my heart was broken, and I could hardly bear it. I practiced the wisdom of Ralph Waldo Emerson, "The only remedy for love is to love more." So I posted poetry of love. I looked for people who needed love and kindness, and gave them support. At that time, it really helped me get through by loving others. I stayed up all night with those who were threatening suicide, and as far as I know they all made it except one. A young man from India who wanted to die because of a lost love. He dissapeared one day, and never came back. I hope he just left, but I think that's my wishful thinking. One day I had no more to give, I was beyond exhausted, so I went to stay with my eldest son to recuperate. As it turned out, I ended up staying up all night again with a FB friend who wanted to die. By the morning, she was feeling more optimistic, and I was a wreck. I realized then that I have to have boundaries because I went home in worst shape than when I arrived. Since then, I've realized I can't save the world. I need to save myself first. I still love people and animals, but it's tempered now with self preservation. |
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Post by lwoetin on Aug 9, 2017 16:23:21 GMT -5
Caris, I'm glad you are no longer hiding yourself after 7 yrs. Please give humanity a chance to show that we aren't just about looks. You are pretty brave to show your recent pics after all these years. Good luck with the coffee dates. I love coffee, I don't even need a date.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2017 16:29:32 GMT -5
It was very cruel, and had a devastating effect on my psyche because until that moment, I thought I was still nice looking, so I took some selfies (I hadn't taken pictures of myself in years), and that's when it really hit me that the woman I saw in the mirror was not this old woman in my selfies. The pain I felt was indescribable because, it was after asking him why he didn't want sex with me? This was well into 15-17 years of the marriage, and he turned to me and said, "go look in the mirror, you're ugly." My heart almost stopped with the shock and pain of those words. It was so cruel, and this was after all those years of rejection. When I took those selfies, I realized I'd grown old, and not realized it. My good looks were gone, and now there was no chance he (or any other man would want me). This is the first time in all these years, I've been able to say all this, and it's a relief in a way to have that monkey off my back because I carried it with shame. Wow! What an asshole! He is full of shit. If you will give me a name & address, shamwow and I will go put him in a choke or armbar! |
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Post by shamwow on Aug 9, 2017 16:36:50 GMT -5
It was very cruel, and had a devastating effect on my psyche because until that moment, I thought I was still nice looking, so I took some selfies (I hadn't taken pictures of myself in years), and that's when it really hit me that the woman I saw in the mirror was not this old woman in my selfies. The pain I felt was indescribable because, it was after asking him why he didn't want sex with me? This was well into 15-17 years of the marriage, and he turned to me and said, "go look in the mirror, you're ugly." My heart almost stopped with the shock and pain of those words. It was so cruel, and this was after all those years of rejection. When I took those selfies, I realized I'd grown old, and not realized it. My good looks were gone, and now there was no chance he (or any other man would want me). This is the first time in all these years, I've been able to say all this, and it's a relief in a way to have that monkey off my back because I carried it with shame. Wow! What an asshole! He is full of shit. If you will give me a name & address, shamwow and I will go put him in a choke or armbar! I'm in but it has to be a choke. Armbar can cause damage and as a prosecutor I'd think you'd understand the importance of avoiding physical evidence. Choke? Knocks his ass out and no marks if done correctly. |
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Post by h on Aug 9, 2017 16:48:10 GMT -5
Wow! What an asshole! He is full of shit. If you will give me a name & address, shamwow and I will go put him in a choke or armbar! I'm in but it has to be a choke. Armbar can cause damage and as a prosecutor I'd think you'd understand the importance of avoiding physical evidence. Choke? Knocks his ass out and no marks if done correctly. No body, no crime... Think we had a thread on this somewhere called "The 4th option" 😉 |
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Post by shamwow on Aug 9, 2017 17:19:33 GMT -5
I'm in but it has to be a choke. Armbar can cause damage and as a prosecutor I'd think you'd understand the importance of avoiding physical evidence. Choke? Knocks his ass out and no marks if done correctly. No body, no crime... Think we had a thread on this somewhere called "The 4th option" 😉 Shit. John and I are just talking about fucking him up. I guess we know who to go to for a more permanent solution... |
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Post by h on Aug 9, 2017 17:28:52 GMT -5
No body, no crime... Think we had a thread on this somewhere called "The 4th option" 😉 Shit. John and I are just talking about fucking him up. I guess we know who to go to for a more permanent solution... I'm just the planner, not the doer. |
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Post by Caris on Aug 9, 2017 17:31:00 GMT -5
flashjohn and shamwow, while I thank you for coming to my defense, he died recently, and this is probably why I'm able to share things that I never have before. I'm loyal to a fault, and I still protect him now. I don't blame him. I chose to stay all those years, and that's on me. I'm sure he was living in misery too.
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