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Post by WindSister on Aug 2, 2017 10:09:59 GMT -5
I am jumping in not reading everyone's yet....
For me, I can honestly say I do "love" every man I have been sexual with. That's really true. I can think of experiences and smile now that I am well past all the pain, confusion, and settled into a happy life for myself. I am thankful for each experience. I DO care for each, though I keep in touch with none (because of my own personal belief that it would be a lie to say I am "friends" with someone I was sexual with and that would be disrespectful to my husband). I can say I never wanted sex with someone I didn't like, so of course, after sex, I felt a stronger bond with them.
That said, there are definitely different kinds of love.
The love I have for my husband hits it all.
I won't go into a long tribute, though it would be easy to do.
Really, it's about finding what works for YOU.
I wanted a romantic, sexual, best-friend kind of love and that is what I am now experiencing. I did not have anything even remotely close to that with my ex. I have what I want in my husband now. This relationship I am living is not what everyone wants. What everyone wants is their own kind of happiness. The trick is to figure out what that looks/feels like for you and then make it happen. I am not saying "chase happiness" either, but -- well -- I don't know. Don't dwell in miserableness either.
Love is so personal.
How can I possibly put into words what it is?
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Post by nolongerlonely on Aug 3, 2017 7:52:35 GMT -5
Lust is possible without love, and lust can lead to sex, I'm certain of that
Although for me, it would have no meaning, and no depth.
But (for me anyway) love cannot exist without sex. The two things go hand in hand, (like peas and carrots, lol). I've proven that the love I once had a very long time ago for my stbx, was completely extinguished by her decision not to want sex. Slowly but surely, we just became two humans living in the same building.
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Post by DryCreek on Aug 3, 2017 20:02:33 GMT -5
I absolutely love some of my friends, I would do unspeakable things for some of them. I do not want to have sex with them.  |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 5, 2017 17:04:39 GMT -5
how many books, poems, movies and wars have been made about love?
I know that a wife is someone that I love and want to have sex with. She is the only one that I want to have sex with. That was my plan anyway.....
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Post by rejected101 on Aug 9, 2017 1:42:31 GMT -5
Sex can easily be about simply enjoying the feeling of sexual pleasure and enjoying the knowledge you have provided sexual pleasure. This is simply sex.
Sex is so much better when it's about you and your partner enjoying the pleasure AND the unique closeness. I'd take the 2nd example everyday of the week over the 1st.
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Post by McRoomMate on Aug 9, 2017 9:19:46 GMT -5
Sex and be without love. But Love can not be without Sex. Absolutely - Just good old fashioned primordial lust / physical attraction / get rocks off But LOVE? Oh that is something else entirely and yes - "sex" with the person you love is probably the BEST experience in the Universe. Though you can be totally in love and not have sex - that will be hard to endure though - very hard. I could not do that. |
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Post by McRoomMate on Aug 9, 2017 9:24:06 GMT -5
"Then we got married. We fucked once during our honeymoon. Maybe another 3 or 4 times between then and the conception of our first child. It was 2 years before she would engage in that activity with me again (when she was ready to have another child). Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Until she was done having children." If you didn't have some hangups about sex, you wouldn't have stayed with a woman who even at the beginning of your marriage had sex with you so infrequently. You would have felt that sex was an essential part of marriage, and since she wasn't willing, there was no reason to stay married. Keep in mind I'm saying this as someone who left an SM. To do this, I had to clarify to myself that sex was normal, healthy and an essential part of marriage. To leave, I had to completely believe that I was normal and healthy and my spouse was flat out wrong, and our marriage was grossly dysfunctional. It took me more than 30 years to get to that point. I don't believe that saying you'll have affairs makes up for a SM. If you believed that sexual love is important as part of a marriage, you wouldn't stay with someone who is basically a roommate and a co-parent. An affair wouldn't give you the kind of love that you wanted when you married. Presumably, you wanted a committed, public love that included sex. You weren't seeking a sex-only arrangement that had to be hidden. I stayed, and mine was fucked up from the kiss at the altar. I believed in commitment, and honor. Divorce was unthinkable as was an affair. About a year in, an old girlfriend I'd been crazy for made contact with me. I knew temptation was there. I never responded to her. I switched jobs, and found myself working in light industry with a lot of divorcées and ex-strippers. I had some temptations there but I never strayed. I always held true to my honor and my belief things would get better. Whatever issue was at the top of the excuse list could be overcome. ...oh, what an obstinate dumbshit I was. Right on !!! A Man of Honor and Conviction. You should be commended for that. Very admirable. Damn impressive. You are a better man than me sir. Whatever path you chose going forward. You got my full support for what it is worth. |
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Post by ironhamster on Aug 9, 2017 10:07:18 GMT -5
@mcroommate "Right on !!! A Man of Honor and Conviction. You should be commended for that. Very admirable. Damn impressive. You are a better man than me sir.
Whatever path you chose going forward. You got my full support for what it is worth."
Well, we live and learn. I did feel sex was an important part of the marriage relationship, but stayed even though it was absent. I think she could have kept me faithful, but, thanks to that starvation, I'm not the same man I was.
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