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Post by Deleted on Jul 31, 2017 9:20:15 GMT -5
tiredoftears your anger is certainly understandable. The fact that you are angry tells me that instead of asking why your H treats you this way, you are asking yourself why you are accepting it. I think you can take that angry energy and focus it on yourself. Maybe it is time you start doing things for yourself, like taking care of your body.
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Post by twotimesone on Jul 31, 2017 9:52:47 GMT -5
I hate to say it, but I have to side with your H here in this case. Although your H has wronged you and not provided you sexually, the way you got angry with your H has made this situation worse because it has created a deep rift that is harder to recover.
Besides the SM problem, it seems that you felt that you are bearing most of the weight of parenting (and rightly so) while you believe that your H did nothing. However, instead of talking to your H about this issue, you allow it to build up to a point where it explodes and has created a situation worse. I know because my wife did that to me several times. I tried to talk to my wife about going to counseling and she didn't think it is a problem.
Oh yeah, in the first couple of years, my wife slept with my son and eventually she slept alone despite me asking me to sleep with her. Another reason why my I don't think my SM would last.
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Post by tiredoftears on Jul 31, 2017 11:19:25 GMT -5
I hate to say it, but I have to side with your H here in this case. Although your H has wronged you and not provided you sexually, the way you got angry with your H has made this situation worse because it has created a deep rift that is harder to recover. Besides the SM problem, it seems that you felt that you are bearing most of the weight of parenting (and rightly so) while you believe that your H did nothing. However, instead of talking to your H about this issue, you allow it to build up to a point where it explodes and has created a situation worse. I know because my wife did that to me several times. I tried to talk to my wife about going to counseling and she didn't think it is a problem. Oh yeah, in the first couple of years, my wife slept with my son and eventually she slept alone despite me asking me to sleep with her. Another reason why my I don't think my SM would last. Oh, no. See, since this started my fourth month of pregnancy, I have been bringing up the issue. First I just kinda inquired him curiously, and gently, after a few months of asking him to discuss it at least once a week, I began crying about it when I tried to discuss it, but still brought it up once every few weeks.... By the time the baby was born, I had attempted to engage him in conversation about the subject at least 20 times. I suggested maybe we go to counseling because his obsessive porn use and lack of sexual interest in me said something about our relationshio that was going to be an ever increasing issue of anxiety and stress. He refused to acknowledge therapy could be beneficial and insisted if I get "fixed" tgen be wouldn't worry about possibly getting me pregnant again, and our sex life would continue. So in August 2016, I got "fixed," now I can't have kids anymore. Still no sex, I asked and get turned down for reason after reason. From June 2016 to February 2017, I brought it up again, at least another ten times. In Februaury, I wrote a long heated letter I read to him where I screamed cried and cursed at him. The night before last.... I lost it. I acted a way I never had before and acted in a way I never thought I would. I was aggressive and screaming at the top of my lungs and crying and threatening to hit him - but you Know what? He FINALLY agreed to go to counseling. |
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Post by twotimesone on Jul 31, 2017 11:27:41 GMT -5
I hate to say it, but I have to side with your H here in this case. Although your H has wronged you and not provided you sexually, the way you got angry with your H has made this situation worse because it has created a deep rift that is harder to recover. Besides the SM problem, it seems that you felt that you are bearing most of the weight of parenting (and rightly so) while you believe that your H did nothing. However, instead of talking to your H about this issue, you allow it to build up to a point where it explodes and has created a situation worse. I know because my wife did that to me several times. I tried to talk to my wife about going to counseling and she didn't think it is a problem. Oh yeah, in the first couple of years, my wife slept with my son and eventually she slept alone despite me asking me to sleep with her. Another reason why my I don't think my SM would last. Oh, no. See, since this started my fourth month of pregnancy, I have been bringing up the issue. First I just kinda inquired him curiously, and gently, after a few months of asking him to discuss it at least once a week, I began crying about it when I tried to discuss it, but still brought it up once every few weeks.... By the time the baby was born, I had attempted to engage him in conversation about the subject at least 20 times. I suggested maybe we go to counseling because his obsessive porn use and lack of sexual interest in me said something about our relationshio that was going to be an ever increasing issue of anxiety and stress. He refused to acknowledge therapy could be beneficial and insisted if I get "fixed" tgen be wouldn't worry about possibly getting me pregnant again, and our sex life would continue. So in August 2016, I got "fixed," now I can't have kids anymore. Still no sex, I asked and get turned down for reason after reason. From June 2016 to February 2017, I brought it up again, at least another ten times. In Februaury, I wrote a long heated letter I read to him where I screamed cried and cursed at him. The night before last.... I lost it. I acted a way I never had before and acted in a way I never thought I would. I was aggressive and screaming at the top of my lungs and crying and threatening to hit him - but you Know what? He FINALLY agreed to go to counseling. Sorry that I didn't get the whole story. Then it seems like that it is his fault then. You see, my wife don't even bother to talk to me to see what's wrong until she just exploded. But even then, she wouldn't tell me what's wrong and wants to make it looks like it is my fault. |
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Post by tiredoftears on Aug 20, 2017 3:25:06 GMT -5
Well.... It has been about a month since my outburst when he agreed maybe we could use some counsel. I have asked each weekend, specifically phrased,"Did you make any time this week to look into counseling?" Each time he said no, without a follow up of explanation why or any more comment on the matter. So that's three weekends in a row of a NO for reply. But, this third NO was followed by," I think they offer it at the Indian clinic I go to. We'll look into it Monday."
Also, we just found out something may be wrong with our 14 month old son. He had this small lump on his left flank I noticed in December, we got sonogrammed when he was seven months in January, but at the time they determined it was just a hemangioma under the skin. They said at a year they would look again. His doctor has taken his blood twice in this last month for tests, but has not yet told us what the results say. There is a mass not only on his left flank under the skin but also one near his groin she had us take him to get an ultrasound on both, and the doctor there said she had never seen a mass quite like it. The one on his side has completely evolved into something else and is almost four times as large as it was in January. Afterwards his primary care doctor gave us referrals for a radiologist, oncologist, urologist, and pediatric surgeon and told us to schedule each of them as soon possible.
So with that added, yeah, some counseling is definitely needed because I am... I don't even know....
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Post by baza on Aug 20, 2017 3:38:19 GMT -5
Marital Counselling ? Onto the back burner. Issues with spouse ? Onto the other back burner. Marital situation ? Onto the side burner. Kids health ? Main burner. Front and centre. Full focus. Top priority. This group will still be here later on if you need us. I wish you all the best in regard to the primary issue in your life at this time Sister tiredoftears . |
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Post by tiredoftears on Aug 20, 2017 3:50:33 GMT -5
Counselling ? Onto the back burner. Issues with spouse ? Onto the other back burner. Marital situation ? Onto the side burner. Kids health ? Main burner. Front and centre. Full focus. Top priority. This group will still be here later on if you need us. I wish you all the best in regard to the primary issue in your life at this time Sister tiredoftears . Thank you. But I think the counseling is needed now more than ever. I hold a lot of resentment towards the father now, and with as depressed amd stressed as I have been BEFORE being extremely worried about our baby's health, now... I need help. I am not a very strong person. I can't keep eating myself into oblivion when I feel something negative or my stupid horny hormones kick in. Worrying about baby too... It's just becoming A LOT. And I need to find some better coping skills I can use to help me through all this, as I am sure the father does too. |
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Post by skguy on Aug 20, 2017 7:10:00 GMT -5
Just the getting fixed part and not getting to have sex and not being able to have kids would make most angry. That's so harsh.
I think maybe his porn use gives him the satisfaction he needs. But Its clouded his mind and his expectations. And probably affected his ability to perform in the real world.
From what I've heard many times, some men get turned off by pregnancy. During and after. I personally think expectant mothers are goddesses, but not everyone does.
I know a wonderful woman. She's given her husband 3 kids. But he pretty much just had sex enough to get kids.
I think your husband is being selfish and only cares about his needs and wants. He's probably very self absorbed and simply wants to ignore important issues. You have a right to be angry.
Take care. You deserve better.
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Post by theexplorer on Aug 30, 2017 12:15:49 GMT -5
Being denied sex by the person who promised to have sex with you is a loss. A huge, huge, loss! When we experience such a loss, it is normal to go through the stages of grief / loss. These stages are:
1. Denial. 2. Anger. 3. Bargaining. 4. Depression. 5. Acceptance.
If you want more information on these stages of grief / loss, an internet search will provide hours of reading on the subject.
I suffered with anger for many months! It passed eventually. It will probably pass for you as well. In the mean time, do NOT do anything you will regret. Take some mental health breaks. Confide in a trusted friend or counselor. Do something, even something small, that brings you pleasure every day.
One of the better steps I took to help deal with the anger was to begin an exercise program. I recommend endurance training, strength training and improving flexibility. I do some form of exercise every day. Exercise improved my life far more than expected. It is good for a person's physical and mental health. Exercise can make one more attractive and confident. Being more attractive can improve one's social life, career, etc. Exercise if EXCELLENT!
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