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Post by lifeinwoodinville on Jul 27, 2017 8:16:00 GMT -5
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Post by GeekGoddess on Jul 27, 2017 9:01:36 GMT -5
Really good article. I feel/felt just what they detail here. In toddlerhood --- my "refuser" (or, the person I feel rejected me most as a kid) was my mother. I did heal from all that (some).
I went on to a pretty-healthy marriage. It was relatively supportive, an imbalanced but MOSTLY 2-way street ... for the 8 yrs before marriage and some more years after the wedding. Catastrophe struck in the form of medical stuff. We worked through my physical issues of RA, and his ED & Diabetes (somewhat). But later, when his cancer diagnosis & treatment was added to the burden load, it was too much for our coping mechanisms.
We had always "trended" P/A avoidance. We usually got that in check at earlier phases. But the last bit - diagnosis, treatment & monitoring- we couldn't keep up, didn't have deep enough resources to have healthy mental/emotional approaches. We DE-volved into full scale dysfunction.
He turned into a control freak refuser with a "King Baby" complex. I turned into a depressed (& angry) version of myself.
Takes me lots of therapy to delve into each period-- the emotional scars from being an unwanted kid as well as the parallel recreation of those issues so much later in life. I'm working on it though & it's satisfying to feel my own progress in recovering from both of these "most toxic" periods of my mental health. I do have a ways to go yet. But I'm working on it.
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Post by baza on Jul 27, 2017 22:07:54 GMT -5
Dysfunctional marriage fucks your head, gets you thinking weird shit, gets you making uninformed choices that feed back in to the loop.
Reckon I must have typed out the above hundreds of times over the years.
ILIASM deals are tailor made for the trashing of your self esteem and sense of self.
And, as you near rock bottom (or actually reach it) your ability to cope with - or get out of - the situation is at its' worse.
That's the scenario most members face as the rejections tally up and up and up.
The intolerable pressures of a failing relationship really require you to be at your best to deal with the situation, but unfortunately, we are often at our lowest at these times.
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Post by h on Jul 28, 2017 5:00:08 GMT -5
I guess I have to start keeping Tylenol on hand.
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Post by ironhamster on Jul 29, 2017 6:31:08 GMT -5
I find a healthy dose of endorphins helps.
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