Why women go on having affairs...

That was a long article, I read and appreciated every word of it.

This is the last paragraph:

"Men in established relationships and marriage need to remember that women are women first and foremost… and wives and mothers second. If a man stops bringing passion and effort to his relationship and stops treating her as a desired woman, he shouldn't be surprised when she feels forced to fill her needs elsewhere."

Essentially I feel like I can agree with a lot of what he found.

I would say that a bit of it does not fit me, personally, but that overall I can see why that would be an easy conclusion to come to.

I do wish my H would put a little effort into some passion, I know I do... I regularly surprise him and find special events for us to go to that I think he will enjoy (even if it isn't my cup of tea), I give him the compliments that are backed up by me hugging and kissing him randomly, I try and find new ways to make our bedroom more appealing and satisfying... Or even try and seek him out when I cannot stop thinking about tasting him... And yet some days I just kind of feel he is complacent.

Things like this make me wish my daughter was older so we could travel wherever and she could adjust better to school and environment changes. Not that our sex life was better when we were traveling, but it was more spontenious... Anyway, I have drawled on... My bad.

Tldr; good share, he made some great speculations and even found he was lacking in his own relationship just as we are.

Yes interesting article, until the last few paragraphs.

I'll speak for myself here. Love is a two way street. Just like men, a woman can get complacent in a marriage. Once that ring is on the finger, the intimacy and sex dwindles. Then comes the children. The man is shoved aside and left fending for himself, in all aspects of touch, passion, intimacy, respect, and being needed. In my case he was quite wrong about the marriage first, career and children second. In fact my wife made sure her career stayed in tact. Her concern for passion? Enough to procreate.

Then came the "not my concern, I don't see the need for it". Along with the occasional B.S. of "why don't you surprise me and call me at work and take me out for lunch?"

Um, because you're a control freak. You told me years ago that we can't afford it. You told me years ago that you don't want gifts. You told me years ago how tired you are all the time. You told me years ago how busy you are at work and how you don't have time. You treat any act of service like it was OK, but now it needs to continue (regularly...like a paid servant would do), now you should do more, and more, while receiving nothing in return.. Rejecting everything (including touch and intimacy) as "never good enough".

That's what ran through my mind when some of these woman complained about their husbands being involved in their work. It's a two way street.
How much have the played the Golden Uterus card and rejected their Husbands?

As a woman that turned to AM, allow me to give my point of view and where I was coming from. I agree with jim44444 that it's a need for connection but with me it was also my self esteem. I needed feedback, I needed to find out what was wrong with me, do I not give a good BJ? After giving birth to children am I not tight? Things like that and I straight up asked the man I was with the first time after round 2 or 3.
I do not think the majority of the women on AM are sexual refusers to their H with Golden Uterus Syndtome. I never once refused my H. I think the typical women refusers are not seeking sex. To get on AM you have hit rock bottom and I did but something good came out of it for me. The majority are scammer women/ prostitutes trying to make money or women that have hit rock bottom need affection, attention, and intimacy and need a safe place to find that.
AM provided me a place, a method to meet another married person who had as much to lose and therefore be discreet.
AM worked for me. It served it's purpose and I do not regret it. The man I met that first time rocked my world in bed and he still is. The AP has evolved to a friendship, he's now in an open marriage and his wife knows about me. He knows I'm dating and it's nice to be dating and not feel desperate for sex.
It's my bday on Wednesday and his wife told him to take the day off work to spend it with me. I've never met her but I like her and I'm thankful for what I have, all because of AM!

I didn't care for his research method, but I found the end of the article thought-provoking with his wife's reaction. Not that it's any revelation that people in relationships tend to become complacent and stop wooing each other.

Word of the week for me is gratitude. It seems to be a common element in long-lived happy marriages, and it's one of the things that suffers first in a relationship's decline.

Early in the relationship we invest more heavily. Broadly, we're grateful for what the other person adds to our life. So we make an extra effort. Not to get sex; not because they're reciprocating kindness.

When the gratitude fades -- even just on one side -- so does the inspiration to nurture the relationship. When actions are ignored - or worse, our motives are questioned, we become trained that nurturing the relationship is a waste of effort, or even a bad thing to do.

I'm still developing my thinking around this, but tying it back to the article it's evident in both the women he played, as well as his own wife, that complacency is a big threat to relationships. And that may be another "no duh" conclusion, but it sure seems to bite a lot of us.

Your position is completely legitimate, but it's easy to see how the two of you could get deadlocked waiting for the other.

I think once the relationship degrades and you're not "doing things for the other just because", it becomes a race to the bottom.

I can 100% agree with this and it was the same path for me. 

Yes, it's better to love ourselves and feel better about ourselves for ourselves, but after a SM where we were rejected that feedback is needed.  I learned men liked me.  That was HUGE for me.

I can't see me ever going back to that site.  1.  I won't cheat on my husband.  2.  Even if I found myself single again, I wouldn't want a man who is cheating.  3.  I know I am worthy of affection, sex, love so I don't need to explore that anymore.  

But, yes, it served this same purpose for me at the time as well.  

This ties into my other post about wanting to be desired. It's about your self esteem, your need for feedback. You needed affection, attention, and intimacy. You had your world rocked, in bed.

Is it safe to say, you now have a better understanding of what kind of body type  (man) is going to desire you?