Night and Day

Night and day, you are the one
Only you 'neath the moon or under the sun
Whether near to me or far
It's no matter, darling, where you are
I think of you day and night

By now, most of you know who I have fallen madly and irrevocably in love with. A LOT has changed over these past eight months, namely ourselves. That first “Hallelujah” meeting was a one-night affair that, at the time, held different meanings for us both going into it. I was irresistibly drawn to her, as a moth to flame, and she honestly thought that I was a little crazy for flying 1000 miles just to meet her. ggold had just enough recklessness at that time though to meet me. We have reflected on this together many times how everything, emotionally, physically, spiritually… it all had to fit perfectly or WE/US would not have happened. The Universe gave us the opportunity and brought us together. Our meeting has been life changing. It is a change that, we can visibly see in our pictures from then until now. We have made each other better people. She has made me a better man, and I have made her a better woman. I have traveled now, four times to be with her. We have spent “Night and Day” together. We have gone out for breakfast - where the owners of “OUR” diner mistook us for husband and wife; lunch - one day just so that I could spend a couple of hours with her before driving to my actual destination 4 hours away; dinner - when we stared into each other’s eyes in dim candlelight and she fed me the first bite of our shared dessert, and where the waiter took a very long time to bring us the check because he “didn’t want to disturb the lovers”.

Night and day, why is it so
That this longin' for you follows wherever I go?
In the roarin' traffic's boom
In the silence of my lonely room
I think of you day and night

After that first “Hallelujah” meeting in November, I flew back home and she went back to her life. I had just met and made soul-connecting love to the most amazing, caring, loving, passionate, compassionate, and absolutely gorgeous woman I have ever known, and now I came back to my cold, distant, indifferent, sexless marriage of 21 years. I was distraught. I had to see G again, but how?? when?? would I ever?? would she want me to?? She had said “I love you” in the throes of passion but did she really?? I was in love with her, even though she had told me before I flew to her that I couldn’t fall in love with her. We were 1000 miles away and she had an AP whom she was seeing regularly. She was honest and told me that she would continue to see him and that she needed the physical pleasure. She guarded her heart as best she could. I was willing to wait an eternity for her. I had shown her how she should be loved, how she should be treated. I hoped in time that she would see her AP for what he was and how he treated her disrespectfully. We had to communicate openly and completely for our budding love story to continue and bloom. I encouraged her to openly share everything. I told her that I hated how her AP treated her, but that I was 1000 miles away and I understood and wanted her to have her physical needs met. I felt guilty that I couldn’t meet those needs for her, and I would never ask her to give that up. Every time she spoke about him though, it was a dagger to my chest. I felt actual physical pains in my heart, and at times I thought I would come undone. One night I nearly did. I went out to a happy hour with co-workers. I quickly got completely dead drunk. I was so bad that I actually vomited. Something I haven’t done in years and years. I was an hour away home and obviously unable to drive. My wife called me at some point and I told her that I had too much to drink and I was just going to sleep in my car. She was pissed, this was so unlike me, but didn’t ask where I was or make any effort to call a cab or come get me. My Angel G, stayed on the phone with me until 3 am when I finally was sober enough to drive home. She wouldn’t hang up until she knew I was home safe, even though she had to get up in just a couple of hours and go to work. She couldn’t believe that my wife didn’t come to get me, or call a cab. G told me if we were together, she would be pissed at me too, but that she wouldn’t abandon me. She wouldn’t leave me to sleep in my car in a parking garage an hour away from home.

Night and day, under the hide of me
There's an oh, such a hungry yearnin' burnin' inside of me
And its torment won't be through
Till you let me spend my life makin' love to you
Day and night, night and day

Then one night in January, I had reset sex with my wife. She had been being kind to me suddenly, and G warned me that she was trying to reset me. I ignored the warning. I knew how deeply in love I was with G, there was no way I would fall for reset sex again. But I did. It was the same connectionless, 5 minute routine that I’ve experienced with extremely low frequency for the entirety of our marriage. Afterwards I lay there all night, on my side of the bed over the hump that has developed down the middle, tears streaming down my face, staring at the ceiling. My wife slumbered on her side. I got up and out of bed after texting a friend what had happened. My friend knew that it had meant nothing to me and encouraged me to not tell G. I told my friend, that I knew I was going to lose her because of it but that no matter what, I had to be honest with her. I showered and climbed in my car, leaving for work. As we had been doing, G and I talked on the phone as I drove in. I was in shock, I knew that I was going to lose her, the most precious woman in the world the woman, who I loved and cherished, but I had to be honest, so I told her what had happened as the tears again ran down my face. The news washed over her coldly and she responded unemotionally. “Well, she is your wife”, she said. But I knew I had just struck her vulnerable heart a terrible blow. Shortly after we hung up, she began to text me and unfurl her feelings of rage for what I had done. I knew that what I had done was unforgivable and that I had lost her. My shame and hatred for myself was unequaled for hurting her. I sat at work staring at my screen and I knew what I had to do, the only thing I could do. It wouldn’t make it right, I couldn’t erase what happened but I would never allow this to ever happen again. I left work at lunch and drove home. My wife was off that day. I ran in the door and startled her. I said “I need to talk to you about last night”. She smiled and said “OK”. I told her “I never want that to happen again, I can’t ever do that or feel that way again”. She was taken aback. She said “what do you mean, I thought that everything is back to normal again”! I told her, “I want a divorce and I want to go to marriage counseling so that we can communicate about it”. She said there was no reason to go if I’ve already made up my mind that I want a divorce. I said “fine, then I am going to therapy for myself”. I walked into the garage and I looked up a local therapist, called and made an appointment. I went back inside and I put together a makeshift bed in the basement with an old worn out mattress and moved several of my things down there. I texted G what I had done, knowing that it wasn’t ever enough to be forgiven, but that I had used it as an impetuous to catapult myself forward toward divorce.

I wanted to give you the details of these things so that you know the immensely painful, true life struggles and choices we have faced. G summarized it perfectly:
“Unfortunately, during this period we both engaged in behaviors in which we hurt each other, but we also understood the reason behind the actions. We communicated and forgave. This actually brought us even closer”.

She broke it off with her AP, and eventually had to block him due to his consistent attempts to wear her down and meet him again. I spoke to my therapist about the reset sex, who told me that it is more common than not for this to happen, even near the end of the divorce as a final cut and separation of the bond. G and I communicate openly, honestly, and completely. It is the only way for a true loving relationship to work. We committed ourselves to each other and our love has deepened and blossomed. On Valentine’s Day I ordered and sent her flowers to her work. She kept them and took them home. Her phone’s home screen is a picture of them now.

Night and day, you are the one
Only you 'neath the moon or under the sun
Whether near to me or far
It's no matter, baby, where you are
I think of you day and night

I made arrangements in May to return and visit her again. I was calm and at peace before the flight, she was nervous, excited and overwhelmed with emotions. She couldn’t believe that I was truly coming back to her. I had already bought her a St. Louis Blues (hockey) night shirt, but I bought two more at the airport that said St. Louis on them. She had been preparing for days for my visit. She was so concerned that every little thing needed to be attended to. I was amazed that she was going to such lengths to make sure everything was perfect. I just want to see her, be physically with her, hold her tight and kiss her. That’s all I wanted, it’s all I needed. I needed her. My soul longed and ached for her. I sent her a text “Plane is beginning to board my love. 1000 miles doesn’t seem so far right now. I will be there soon. I love you. Kisses and hearts..

”I love you, and can’t wait for your visit!” Hearts and kisses she replied.

She made reservations for that night at a restaurant that had its own micro brewery. She calls me “Sally” from the movie “When Harry Met Sally” because I am picky about the type of beer and coffee I drink, and she says that I am picky about what hotel I stay at. The last one I deny but the beer and coffee are spot on true I’ll admit.

When I got to the hotel, I sent a text to her and she was very nervous and trying to keep busy. I sent her pictures of the hotel room.
“Looks cozy,” she stated.
“Cozy is exactly how it feels!” I replied.

I put away my things, and changed into my running clothes. I was 1.7 miles away from her house. Nearly a perfect 5K run. I mapped my route and headed out into the sprinkling rain. I ran into her subdivision and past her house, though I wasn’t sure exactly which one it was. Damn Google Maps! I then looped through and ran past it again. I kept thinking how I was literally just a yards length away from her. We both showered and got ready for our date. She sent a text “Almost ready babe”. I was showered and ready, but I HAD to get her flowers. I quickly walked to Trader Joe’s and bought her 3 bouquets, purple carnations, pink and white carnations and yellow lilies. Then I walked to Lord and Taylor to meet her. She pulled up, I got in she beamed, “Hi baby!”

“Hi sweetheart” I replied and we quickly kissed.

She was stunningly gorgeous as she always is. Her spellbinding beauty just leaves me awestruck. She started to drive to the restaurant and all I could do was stare at her with a HUGE SMILE upon my face. She would glance at me, “STOP! Stop staring at me like that.” I just smiled and replied “God, you’re gorgeous”.

We arrived at the restaurant and we kissed for a few short minutes in the parking lot. It had been nearly six months since we last were together. We exited the van and as we started walking to the door I put my arm around her and let my hand slide down to grab her ass once more. She laughed and said, “There you go grabbing my ass again”.

The restaurant was busy, though not packed, to us though we were the only ones there. We gazed into each other’s eyes as we often do over FaceTime. We spoke again about our marriages and kids, our work and our daily lives. Our drinks were delivered and we needed to more time to order, because we had been too busy staring at each other to look over our menu. We ordered and shortly into the meal my phone rang. It was my wife. I knew immediately this had to be important as she, especially now, rarely calls me. I told G it was my wife and I think she could see the concern on my face. I said “I need to call her back and see what she needs. I’ll be right back.”
G was gracious and said “Absolutely, go call her.”

I had been outside talking a long time, in fact probably around 15 or 20 minutes. G must have wondered why I took so long talking to my wife.
“I’m so so sorry,” I said to her.
She asked, “Is everything OK?”
I replied, “My oldest son was in a car accident,” and I handed her my phone so she could see the pictures.
She said, “I knew it had to be something bad for you to be taking so long.”

Once I assured her everything was OK, we finished our dinner and walked to the van. She said she had a bit too much to drink to drive and wanted me to drive her van back to the hotel. I put my arm around her and we kissed as we walked to her van. I opened her passenger door and she sat down and I closed it. I then walked around to the driver’s side. We kissed some more sitting there in the van in the parking lot. She smiled and asked, “Ready to go back to the hotel?”

I said “Yes. I need to make love to you.”
She at one point looked at me and said “This is what it would be like, you driving our car.” I felt it too. Just how wonderful it would be to be with her every day.

We arrived back to my hotel. I had gotten an extra room key and gave it to her. We entered the room and walked to the main area. She set her bag down and said that the room was nice. She turned to me and we kissed again. We paused and she wanted to take her boots off. She sat down on the bed and unzipped one boot. I knelt down and helped her pull it off of her foot. She unzipped the other and I assisted with removing that one as well. We stood together pressed against each other and kissed again. She asked, “Do you want to remove my necklace like you did last time?”
“Yes!”
I removed her necklace and set it on the desk. We kissed again… let’s just assume that at any point from here in this story that our lips are touching because honestly they were!! We kissed so much over these two days, it was absolute heaven. As I write this I miss her kiss, I miss her lips, I miss the chemical reaction her kiss sends through my body and soul. My body and soul painfully longs for her. She brought some lingerie and went into the bathroom to change. She returned and smiled at me, waiting for my words to reassure her. My eyes slowly consumed and admired her amazingly beautiful form from the tips of her hair to the tops of her feet. Her stunning beauty, from her first picture, has made my soul leap, the very foundation of my being tremble. I couldn’t form the descriptive words to praise her angelic being. I don’t have the vocabulary to adequately describe and explain how absolutely gorgeous she is to me, no other woman compares to her. I slowly walked up to her and softly said one word, “Beautiful”.

She waited for my touch, for my embrace. I wrapped my arm around her waist and took her hand into my hand and I pulled her in and began to slowly dance with her. I danced with an angel, who was offering her divine body and soul to me, a mere mortal man. Pure Heaven on earth.

We made incredible love and touched and held each other in loving passion throughout the night. For G, this time was more intense more meaningful, this was her “Hallelujah” moment, as our souls joined together again as one. When we are together it feels like “coming home”. There were several things we did and shared that night which were either the first time, or the first time in a very long long time. She couldn’t stay the night but we were together until early into the morning. I would see her again for breakfast early the next morning. We spent many glorious hours together the next day, but I had to leave to catch my flight back. G wrote to me that her tears were uncontrollable after I left her. Her heart felt as if it was breaking. A piece of it was leaving and flying away with me. She was experiencing the pain and grief that I felt the first time I left her. For me, it was different this time. I knew I would be back. I knew that we are in love and that I can’t stay away from her for too long and that she needed me to come back to her. It took g about two weeks before she began to feel normal again. She felt depressed and anxious, just as I had after our first visit. Our openness and ability to communicate on all levels helped get her and US through.

Night and day, why is it so
That this longin' for you follows wherever I go ?
In the roarin' traffic's boom
Silence of my lonely room
I think of you day and night

An unexpected surprise occurred in June in the form of a business trip to her area of the country. There was no way I was going to be two hundred miles from her and NOT visit her. I worked out a plan and it kept getting derailed and nearly cancelled by my VP. We had to trust in God and the Universe to guide us. In the end the Universe did and it all worked out so that we had MORE time together than I had originally planned. I flew into her town on Monday and I rented a car to drive the 4 hours to my final destination. Our meeting place was once again at Lord and Taylor. G waited patiently in her van. I pulled in next to her and looked over at her glowing, beaming, HUGE SMILE. She clapped her hands in joy at my arrival and yelled aloud, “Yay, he’s here!!” She got out of her car and ran into my arms. We kissed and embraced standing there in the bright hot sun. Our bodies filled with warmth but not from the sun’s heat. We burned with love for one another! She noticed my eye color for the first time in detail. She said they are beautiful; light brown around the pupil..hazel ...blue/greys/green. She also noticed shining in the sun’s light that I have some ginger in my mustache and beard. She exclaimed to me how handsome I am to her.

We left and went to lunch, holding hands across the table watching for those who may know her. We had a wonderful time just talking and eating our lunch. She picked on me for not eating enough. LOL After a couple of hours of being together I had to leave to drive the 200+ miles and she had to go back to care for her kids. We talked on the phone as I drove through beautiful country. I was thinking about how when we are finally together we can take our children on vacations in this amazing area.

I was very busy that week and did not have much time to communicate during the day but we talked every night. G prays for continued signs every night to help guide us and to remind us that we are on the right path. On this trip, they came in the form of messages on license plates. My license plate was from Virginia with its slogan “Virginia is for lovers”. She was thinking about me and looked over to see “BAZ” on a license plate next to her. baza  has inspired me from years ago that a love like ours could be possible. Then I went out to lunch one day, I’m in a different state completely working, and on the wall next to me were 2 license plates stacked together in decoration, nothing else on the wall. The top one was from G’s state the bottom one was from mine, Missouri… a 1000 miles away!

As I said I worked very hard and I was able to finish my work earlier than expected. I was able to leave early enough Thursday afternoon and drive the 200+ miles back to her. I sped like a Nascar driver not taking any breaks to get back to her. She was overjoyed and quickly made arrangements to meet with me and go out for dinner that night and back to my hotel room.

At dinner, as we walked into the restaurant a few teenage girls (her former students) recognized her and yelled out and talked to her for a few minutes with me waiting by the door. We shared a pizza and some beer then went back to the hotel to make amazing love once again until 1:00 am.
I had delayed my flight back home until very early Saturday morning. This allowed us to have a full day together on Friday. G took care of the kids early and then came to me to go out for breakfast at OUR diner. Our love radiated! It’s evident when you see couples that have “it.” The way they look at each other, their body language, their smiles, their touches. They illuminate love. And those around them know and feel it too. The owners of the diner noticed it in us and mistook us for husband and wife.

We came back to the hotel after breakfast and made love again. G had to go back home and do some chores and wait for the babysitter. We both longed to be together again that evening. She returned to me around 3:00 pm. I had walked to Trader Joe’s again and bought her flowers, maroon and pink carnations, and a bottle of wine for her and some beer for me. She brought some cheese and crackers from home. We sat in my hotel room just hanging out. We talked, snacked and I rubbed her feet while she drank a glass of wine. I had my wife’s and my letters and copies of the menstrual cycle charts she kept. I gave them to her to read. She saw on my face the pain and heartache. She lovingly told me to try to slowly let it go. She commented on how my wife was so diligent in charting. Noting how every morning at the same time she would check her temperature, her cervical fluid consistency/description, any PMS, vaginal or breast tenderness/sensations and only have intercourse with me when she absolutely knew she was ovulating. At most this only ever occurred 3 times a month.

It was amazing to just hang out, like a normal relationship, just sharing and enjoying each other’s company. We made beautiful love again, then changed to go to dinner.

We went back to the original restaurant but in a different section. It had romantic ambiance with the room dim and candlelit. We ate the same thing as the first time, but this time we got dessert and shared it. She fed me the first bite of our shared dessert, and then we fed each other more. The waiter took a very long time to bring us the check because he “didn’t want to disturb the lovers”.

We returned back to the hotel and made love several times. We were playful, loving and serious. We shared ourselves fully and delighted in giving each other pleasure. I don’t have the voice for it as G does, but I softly sang to her songs that reminded of her, while we listened to my playlist I made in honor of her. When we were both exhausted we cuddled and fell asleep after I set my alarm. I watched her drift off to sleep, she was so peaceful, beautiful. Later she awoke and watched me sleep. My alarm went off at 3:00 am. G looked me in the eyes and told me she had no intentions of leaving me, so we held each other and drifted back off. We woke up to my alarm. She has not physically slept with a man in years. It was magical, waking and seeing her, her looking into my eyes. We made love again. It was all so unbelievably perfect. It felt like a dream come true. We dressed and I packed. I walked her to her van, her hand in mine, as the sun was rising. She drove me back to the front door and we kissed again one final time. G began drive off, but she wasn’t devastated like she was the last time. She knows that I need her, and will find my way back to her as soon as I can. I watched her for as long as I could see her van, holding the image in my heart. G saw two little Bambi fawns on the lawn near her home. She took it as a sign of our new life. We have built a strong foundation to our relationship. We are eager to be open about one another to everyone. We look forward to becoming man and wife and raising our children together… together always and forever.

Night and day, under the hide of me
There's an oh, such a hungry burning inside of me
And its torment won't be through
Till you let me spend life makin' love to you
Day and night, night and day
Night and Day