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Post by beachguy on Jul 20, 2017 8:46:38 GMT -5
Bran, if you step back and look at the big picture you might be (should be?) more terrified of staying. Stay strong.
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Post by WindSister on Jul 20, 2017 8:54:16 GMT -5
Great words of wisdom in this thread for you. Sending good thoughts.
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Post by shamwow on Jul 20, 2017 8:54:39 GMT -5
Bran, if you step back and look at the big picture you might be (should be?) more terrified of staying. Stay strong. When you're in the middle of it, it is almost impossible to step back far enough to see a picture large enough to put things in context. You tend to feel as though every step back is going to take you over a cliff. Hell, even coming to a forum like this to discuss things is a HUGE step. As someone who was very recently on one side of the divide and is now on the other, I can say that it is amazing how quickly the big picture becomes crystal clear. But that's only the case after you take the leap of faith. Chicken and egg, brother...chicken and egg. For far too many years, I was just plain chicken. |
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Post by nolongerlonely on Jul 21, 2017 3:34:57 GMT -5
bran127, I know these feelings very well. But please take support from your friend network here, we are all dealing with the same thing. We are givers, not refusers. We dont understand why we are refused, so instinctively try to make things better for our disfunctional, often controlling partners. This fails. It knocks our confidence, we question our ability as humans in the most basic of ways - coupling together as one. And so the downward spiral begins. We become prisoners in our own world, and actually its true. We cant easily talk to so-called normal friends, because they dont understand. But all the boys and girls here get it, so unload your worries and gain support in return. And above all, dont look over your shoulder, look at those people you see going about their daily business together, kissing, laughing, holding hands and enjoying a 'normal' way of life. One day you will be one of them. Dont be scared, it will all be ok. Alot better than ok in fact. shamwow is right, about the chicken and the egg. I was chicken too. For years. Life changing amounts of time in fact. But not any more. I'm still in my relationship shithole, but I'm taking baby steps to work my way to the last door at the end of the corridor. On the other side is a beautiful, caring person waiting for me to spend the rest of my life with. You've got one of those corridors too. Just dont let the self-closing doors shut before you pass through each one.
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Post by ironhamster on Jul 21, 2017 13:00:02 GMT -5
Change is terrifying. The unknown is terrifying. I see no need to rush things faster than I am comfortable with, and hope you don't either. I came here looking for solutions to the problem we all struggle with. I know where I am headed. Accepting that allows me to slowly immerse myself into what will be my new reality. I'm comfortable with things that would have been unthinkable to me just six months ago. I trust that, in time, you'll also be comfortable with your decisions and consequences, bran127 . I hope we all are. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 21, 2017 13:26:38 GMT -5
As I continue to evolve in this journey I find myself becoming terrified of what will eventually become the end of my marriage. i look at him sometimes and see my child in his face and wonder why this happened. i am terrified of the process. I am strong, but I am terrified. I don't need him, but I am scared. This life isn't acceptable, but I am still scared. The way he loves me is not enough for me, but is it possible to ever find what I am truly longing for? I am a different kind of girl, but I am me and that's all I can offer. ALL OF ME! I am terrified! I have a plan, but the reality hurts. My heart is in pieces.....a piece of my life is dying. As I told a good friend....pity party for 1 please. It's OK to be terrified. You're talking about turning your whole life upside down. Don't let all the stories here that show confidence, bravado, strength, etc., make you feel bad about who you are. You are not the same as anybody else. You bring your own feelings and needs and griefs to your own situation. (And your own strengths, too.) Your situation is not exactly like everyone else's. Yes, all of us here have a lot in common, but our experiences are not 100% identical. And, those strong, confident people who post stories about how great their lives are now that they've gotten their acts together: those people weren't always like that. There was a time when they felt as scared and helpless as you do now. |
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Post by warmways on Jul 23, 2017 0:08:50 GMT -5
I'm scared too, bran. You can do this step by step at the pace that works best for you.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 27, 2017 10:01:33 GMT -5
bran127 I hope things are going well and you are still formulating your plan.
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Post by shamwow on Jul 27, 2017 12:22:14 GMT -5
As I continue to evolve in this journey I find myself becoming terrified of what will eventually become the end of my marriage. i look at him sometimes and see my child in his face and wonder why this happened. i am terrified of the process. I am strong, but I am terrified. I don't need him, but I am scared. This life isn't acceptable, but I am still scared. The way he loves me is not enough for me, but is it possible to ever find what I am truly longing for? I am a different kind of girl, but I am me and that's all I can offer. ALL OF ME! I am terrified! I have a plan, but the reality hurts. My heart is in pieces.....a piece of my life is dying. As I told a good friend....pity party for 1 please. It's OK to be terrified. You're talking about turning your whole life upside down. Don't let all the stories here that show confidence, bravado, strength, etc., make you feel bad about who you are. You are not the same as anybody else. You bring your own feelings and needs and griefs to your own situation. (And your own strengths, too.) Your situation is not exactly like everyone else's. Yes, all of us here have a lot in common, but our experiences are not 100% identical. And, those strong, confident people who post stories about how great their lives are now that they've gotten their acts together: those people weren't always like that. There was a time when they felt as scared and helpless as you do now. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ YES YES YES YES YES ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ I've got to see if I can dig up some of my original posts. I was scared to death! |
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Post by misssunnybunny on Jul 27, 2017 12:29:39 GMT -5
I was terrified when I started the process to leave. I took baby steps, and took my time. Seeing the lawyer was scary, and then I went and it wasn't so bad. Talking to the now ex in counseling was scary, but better that I did so. Telling him I wanted a divorce...I was so nervous I felt my whole body shaking from nerves, but I was okay after I said the words. I learned that I am more brave than I ever thought, and I also learned that I can take care of myself just fine (conquered more scary stuff of looking for a place to live, paying my own bills, managing my own finances, managing a home by myself). Sometimes I look back and wonder how I managed to get through it all, but I found the strength and am so glad I did.
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Post by bran127 on Jul 27, 2017 21:46:30 GMT -5
Man, I don't have words. This is invaluable advice and I could not pay for the knowledge and experience you have all shared. I am still working through my fears. I still feel like I am breaking and in some ways it is good and in some ways it is bad. I know I have to work through it and take control, but my heart still hurts right now. I'm strong. I will get through this.
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