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Post by bran127 on Jul 19, 2017 0:46:46 GMT -5
I completely understand. It is so much to process. Even when you have come to the conclusion it is over. What you once held onto is no longer there. Everything becomes blurry and enterwined with different emotions. You are not alone!
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Post by shamwow on Jul 19, 2017 13:23:26 GMT -5
...all of it. Just life. I don't know if I can keep doing it. I'm trying. I really am. I just don't know how to keep moving on. I don't see the point. I'm not suicidal or anything but I just don't understand anymore. Every day ...every ... single... day ...over the last 2+ years has had at least one long bout of thoughts surrounding the internal debate of leaving my wife. I haven't had any rest from my own torturous thoughts. I really think that deep down inside... I want a divorce. I just do. ... I really do. I'm just so scared. Im afraid that it'll be worse if i leave. I'm afraid that I'm the problem. I'm afraid of how this will effect my kids and my relationship with them. I'm afraid of finances. I'm afraid of how she will react. I'm afraid of how everyone else will react. ... I just want out. I really think I do. ...yet there is this fucking comfort of staying. This warm and familiar god damn comfort that I hate... yet that I cling to. Anyone else feel this way? Ah, that little hamster wheel of fear and worry. It's a bitch, ain't it? Rusty, squeaky, but oddly comforting. I was on it for years. The faster it spins, the harder it is to get off. But now that I'm off, it is maddening to see how much of my life I wasted staying on it. Edit: Getting off the hamster wheel does not necessarily mean that you've finalized a divorce. It can be done any time. Right now. The hamster wheel a prison in your own mind, and you, my friend, are the jailer. Now, granted, it is easier to get off the wheel if your spouse is not continuing to spin it (on a daily basis), but as brother baza always says...it's never to early to start getting your shit together. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 19, 2017 14:03:58 GMT -5
...all of it. Just life. I don't know if I can keep doing it. I'm trying. I really am. I just don't know how to keep moving on. I don't see the point. I'm not suicidal or anything but I just don't understand anymore. Every day ...every ... single... day ...over the last 2+ years has had at least one long bout of thoughts surrounding the internal debate of leaving my wife. I haven't had any rest from my own torturous thoughts. I really think that deep down inside... I want a divorce. I just do. ... I really do. I'm just so scared. Im afraid that it'll be worse if i leave. I'm afraid that I'm the problem. I'm afraid of how this will effect my kids and my relationship with them. I'm afraid of finances. I'm afraid of how she will react. I'm afraid of how everyone else will react. ... I just want out. I really think I do. ...yet there is this fucking comfort of staying. This warm and familiar god damn comfort that I hate... yet that I cling to. Anyone else feel this way? This is GOOD!! This is progress! You are identifying your fears. That's a major step. You are starting to see the FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt) for what it really is. By the way fear is not a bad thing. It makes you run the other way, it keeps you from putting your hand on a hot stove, it protects you. I hope this helps you, it helps me. Replace the word "fear" with "worry". Now think about all the things you have worried about in the past, month, week, day, how did they turn out? You are still here! You are still breathing, you still have a roof over your head, you still have food, a career, etc..... Is it true that 90% of worries rarely come true? Or don't come out half as bad as we worried about? I think so. Instead, try replacing worry, with "concern". It's okay to be concerned about things. Concerns are manageable. Concerns can be broken down. One concern at a time. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. How about this, please give me one major concern you are struggling with. Make another post. Do one or two a week. I (and others) will be more than happy to walk you through it. Not to get all religious on you, but, think about when people say " I went through hell!" Now think about the three men thrown into the fiery furnace. A fourth person was with them. They walked THROUGH the fire. Their clothes didn't even smell! YOU... Are going to do the same thing! "get through this" Look for guidance, look for strength, look for advice, on line, at work, your neighbors, relatives, etc.... The FOG is lifting. |
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Post by shamwow on Jul 19, 2017 16:07:28 GMT -5
I remember the feeling of comfort that you speak of. Sitting in my house in the family room so familiar for so many years and if I get a divorce where will I live? There's no comfort with that. The first thing I did was talk to an attorney to find out how much money I would have to live on. I researched and looked at prices of rentals. Did a budget. Once I made the decision I took it one step at a time like the rungs of a ladder. I never looked all the way to the top and overwhelmed myself. One step and everything fell into place. I'm happier. I'm not lonely most days but living in a SM I was lonely everyday. Being free is not about hope it's about freedom and opportunities. It's about what could possibly happen in the future the unknown. That's exciting. Be courageous! Fortune favors the bold... And the smart so talk to an attorney if you haven't already. Fortune also favors those who take things one step at a time. |
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