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Post by Deleted on May 8, 2016 19:12:44 GMT -5
I had a feeling my STBX would do nothing to help our son get me a card or some small thing for Mother's Day and of course, I was right. I wasn't expecting anything from him, but I had hoped he would remind our son and take him to at least get a card. I wish it didn't matter to me, but it does. And I can do the tit for tat thing and ignore Father's Day, but that just seems like ugly, hateful behavior and I don't actually want to be that kind of person.
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Post by greatcoastal on May 8, 2016 19:21:35 GMT -5
I am right there with you, and could say things about Father's Day that are similar, but I digress.
May I suggest that you take control. Take your son to a movie, or for some ice cream. Tell the spouse, " we are going out for some mommy son time, bye!" Then have a great time without him! Do it tomorrow, or make plans now for a convenient time this week. Hope it helps.
Thank you for doing the hardest job on earth!
Your a great mom!
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Post by unmatched on May 8, 2016 19:28:15 GMT -5
Of course it matters. You spent a long time with him and you still care about him, despite the fact that he checked out of a big part of your relationship (and is currently behaving like an ass!). And I guess it also makes you look back over the last decade or two and wonder how much of it was real and how much was just an act.
He is not in the same place. Right now he is only thinking about himself, and I would bet he is trying very hard not to think about anything at all. This might change or it might not. But you need to carry on being the best person you can be and being true to yourself. You will feel better and stronger for it in the long run.
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Post by snowman12345 on May 8, 2016 19:40:42 GMT -5
You know it sucks that it matters to you. He is just trying to exercise some control over you - to prove he can still hurt you. Take the high road and show your son what a compassionate and whole human being acts like. Maybe explain to him that this is just one example of why you are splitting up.
I guess I am saying show your son how not to be a douche bag.
Good luck to you.
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Post by Chatter Fox on May 8, 2016 20:41:13 GMT -5
I had a feeling my STBX would do nothing to help our son get me a card or some small thing for Mother's Day and of course, I was right. I wasn't expecting anything from him, but I had hoped he would remind our son and take him to at least get a card. I wish it didn't matter to me, but it does. And I can do the tit for tat thing and ignore Father's Day, but that just seems like ugly, hateful behavior and I don't actually want to be that kind of person. So sorry to hear this.  I hope you had a happy mothers day anyway. Good for you for taking the high road and not stooping to his level. |
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Post by Dan on May 8, 2016 23:18:16 GMT -5
I had a feeling my STBX would do nothing to help our son get me a card or some small thing for Mother's Day and of course, I was right. I wasn't expecting anything from him, but I had hoped he would remind our son and take him to at least get a card. I wish it didn't matter to me, but it does. And I can do the tit for tat thing and ignore Father's Day, but that just seems like ugly, hateful behavior and I don't actually want to be that kind of person. Here's why I think you SHOULD coach your son to get your STBX a Father's Day card (or birthday card, Christmas present, whatever): Because it is our job as reasonable, polite, well-socialized parents to train our kids to be the same.
Planning to needle your STBX by purposely not coaching your kid on what is to be expected is a) probably going to go unnoticed by your ex-H, b) is just going to make you more vinegary. Who needs that self-inflicted negativity? Plus, any "good" feeling you feel for "sticking it to the ex" will be vastly eclipsed when you realize you're using your kid as a pawn. YOU don't have to be nice to your ex-H on any of those special days... but if you can teach your son that it is still important, well, maybe he'll remember your special days, too. And -- even more important -- maybe he'll teach his kids the importance, too. |
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2016 11:30:05 GMT -5
Next Mothers Day, it will be better.
I agree with Dan - encourage your children to acknowledge Fathers Day, and help them do something, at least until they're old enough to do this themselves. They only get one father, and if that relationship can be as good as possible, it's better for them. Consider that you're doing it for the kids, not for him.
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I hope you had a happy mothers day anyway. Good for you for taking the high road and not stooping to his level. 
