This made me feel better

Good article and so true!

Thankyou for that article ballgirl. It really speaks to me this morning.

Yes to ALL of it. I tried to "will" that chemistry with my ex, it didn't work. I had it instantly with my now-husband -- yes, that first time we met it was like we had known each other for years. We laugh all the time about it, "3 Years going on 20 for us!" (and we mean it in a good way, not bad)



^^^^^^ YES!! ^^^^^^^

That is what I preach a lot.  The guys I have had the best chemistry with in real life didn't really "turn me on" on the screen.  My husband's picture was not great at all.  But in person, total different story.   

I guess there's caution with that statement above, too, though --- lust, passion clouding things like addiction, abuse, no good.  So, as always, it's a person by person deal.  

But, yes, there is just "SOMETHING" about chemistry we can't deny.  

Never settle.  

I think we all suffer with trusting ourselves after divorce and crazy relationships.  I had a few myself where afterwards I was like, "Woman, what were you thinking???"  But even those crazy times had something in store for me and I grew, learned more about men and myself, so none of it was "bad" per se.  

I remember going to someone for advise and they said, "it will either work out or not with this person, why fret it?"  And that's the truth.  If we can get past the need for it to go a certain way, a script, a story line, we totally free ourselves from the agony of it all (not that we don't feel disappointment if it doesn't go a certain way.  

I am betting you CAN trust yourself.   You have proved that here by not settling when SOMETHING in your heart/gut/brain told you "this isn't right."  You won't settle.  

But just for the hell of it, I googled and found this:  


This had a lot of good nuggets in it, too:  www.psychologytoday.com/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201205/can-i-trust-my-gut-know-ive-found-my-true-love

You are a smart cookie, smartkat.    Definitely trust yourself!  

Love is a bitter word for me, right now.
At risk of being a once burned twice shy skeptic, I don't believe in soul mates. Chemical attractions? Ok, I can buy that.

I want to share something about love that a friend of mine posted on another social media platform. I can get this:


"[It occurs to me that I may have, finally, solved the riddle of whether true love exists (it does!).

It is a) platonic and b) not exactly where I thought I'd find it.

It is a text from a friend asking whether you're OK. It's a hug, a smile, a word of encouragement, or a "I'm worried about you".

It's a cat in your lap or an inside joke with a family member:

It's wanting the best for someone else, regardless of whether you receive anything.

That's what true love is.

It's also c) abundant, once you know where to look.

I'm a very lucky woman.]"

"Sexual attraction remains one of life's biggest mysteries. We might say we go for partners who are tall and thin, love to cook, or have a mania for exercise, but when push comes to shove, studies show, the people we actually end up with possess few of the traits we claim to want. Some researchers think scent could be the hidden cosmological constant in the sexual universe, the missing factor that explains who we end up with. It may even explain why we feel "chemistry"—or "sparks" or "electricity"—with one person and not with another.

Physical attraction itself may literally be based on smell. We discount the importance of scent-centric communication only because it operates on such a subtle level. "This is not something that jumps out at you, like smelling a good steak cooking on the grill," says Randy Thornhill, an evolutionary psychologist at the University of New Mexico. "But the scent capability is there, and it's not surprising to find smell capacity in the context of sexual behavior." As a result, we may find ourselves drawn to the counter attendant at the local drugstore, but have no idea why—or, conversely, find ourselves put off by potential dating partners even though they seem perfect on paper.

Though we may remain partially oblivious to scent signals we're sending and receiving, new research suggests that we not only come equipped to choose a romantic partner who smells good to us, but that this choice has profound biological implications. As we act out the complex rituals of courtship, many of them inscribed deep in our brain, scent-based cues help us zero in on optimal partners—the ones most likely to stay faithful to us and to create healthy children with us."
www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200801/scents-and-sensibility