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Post by dinnaken on Jul 16, 2017 3:43:29 GMT -5
Hi ggold,
I didn't 'do' money and the household finances were in her hands.
When I asked for a separation she told me that running the house cost £**** a month, about £*** more than I earned a month. Clearly, the implication was that I couldn't manage without her money.
Anyhoo... After much anxiety on my part and no cooperation on hers, I faced up to my fears and started visiting banks, building societies etc. At the end of a few morning's work I had a clearer picture of our finances and discovered I could manage after all...
She wasn't happy...
I'm no wizard at spreadsheets but knocked together two basic ones in about an hour. One to help me keep tabs on weekly outgoings and a second for utilities etc. that are paid on a monthly, quarterly, annual basis.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 16, 2017 8:45:25 GMT -5
Hi ggold, I didn't 'do' money and the household finances were in her hands. When I asked for a separation she told me that running the house cost £**** a month, about £*** more than I earned a month. Clearly, the implication was that I couldn't manage without her money. Anyhoo... After much anxiety on my part and no cooperation on hers, I faced up to my fears and started visiting banks, building societies etc. At the end of a few morning's work I had a clearer picture of our finances and discovered I could manage after all... She wasn't happy... I'm no wizard at spreadsheets but knocked together two basic ones in about an hour. One to help me keep tabs on weekly outgoings and a second for utilities etc. that are paid on a monthly, quarterly, annual basis. You and me both! After a few embarrassing phone calls, and help from a friend or two. I have my own computer. I check in on "our" accounts at any time. I spent an hour at the bank getting copies of the last years transactions. I noted amounts over $200 to $300. that looked suspicious. That opened up many things. The very helpful people at the bank where more than happy to go back 5 or 6 yrs (all during the inheritance, the moving, selling, and buying of houses) and find any amounts over $500. and print them out for me. All at no charge. All evidence to hand to my attorney. Money that my wife will have to be accountable for. Questions that where part of the mediation. If not answered then , they will be answered before a judge. She is not happy. Two years ago our therapist asked my W. to bring a list of one months expenses. At the end of the month there was a small amount left. I asked my W, " you left out **** ?" She then said "Oh well, then there's nothing left." I pointed out "where's any money for me to spend on myself ?" She simply said, " I guess their isn't any". Now, to find out close to $3000. a month that gets moved, without my knowledge? Meanwhile I am left to feel guilty for buying a $7.00 shirt, or spending $3.00 at McDonalds? Believe me, no one is starving at our house. (Mmm... I take that back, my W. and her daddy are not starving, my kids are starting to go out and buy their own food with their own money) My W. walks in the door everyday with a "Frappe" in her hand. When it was time to replace her car. the thousands where available. The list goes on. I lived for 9 yrs on my own, paying my bills and balancing the budget, before marriage. back in the days before a computer. I will do it again with a computer. ggold, if you don't bring up these things your spouse certainly won't. It will remain a secret. The attorneys get paid, and he keeps what rightfully was yours. At the least 50%. |
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Post by neonspace on Jul 16, 2017 22:52:28 GMT -5
Hi ggold, I didn't 'do' money and the household finances were in her hands. Same here, even more frustrating is that she is an accountant and still managed to run our finances into the ground. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 17, 2017 6:31:39 GMT -5
Hi ggold, I didn't 'do' money and the household finances were in her hands. Same here, even more frustrating is that she is an accountant and still managed to run our finances into the ground. Let me mention this. Perhaps it's not run into the ground? Perhaps it's buried in the ground? A safe deposit box, an account in a foreign bank, investments that are kept hidden from you? (The voice of experience) They know very well what they are doing. A friend pointed out to me the other day, "your wife should not even go near assaulting your character. She has no idea how lucky she is. Do you know what you could have done with all that money over all those years? Instead you lived a very frugal life. She should be thanking you!" |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 17, 2017 6:45:41 GMT -5
Our mediations where a waste of time and money....mostly.
What they did show was more of what I already know. The manipulative controller that I have been dealing with. It also gave my attorney a valuable insight into my STBX's black and white, her way only, attitude. I did receive re-assuring words of, "the judge isn't going to like this" and, "the judge has dealt with this kind of behavior many times".
What will hopefully be more helpful was the deposition. Lots of "finance" questions. All answered under oath. All asked by my attorney, with stats, spread sheets, and bank statements to back the "facts".
Every answer was recorded. Every T crossed, every i dotted. All for my attorney to use and the judge to see and read before the court date.
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