jgb
Junior Member
Posts: 32 
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Post by jgb on Jul 7, 2017 21:25:06 GMT -5
My wife and I were alone in the car, driving from Miami to Ft. Lauderdale, and I brought it up. She seemed surprised that I did, even a little annoyed. The last time I broached the subject we were in Venice on an anniversary trip...couple of years ago. She remembered that, said something along the lines of 'I still can't believe that you brought that up on our anniversary!' She told me that she had not felt any sexual urges since menopause (which came on her in her early forties) and didn't see that as abnormal or a problem. I think that, if I pressed the issue, she would compromise, but I am severely averse to sex with someone who doesn't want sex...with me (so much for prostitutes!)
The thing is, that I am not one of the people here that are psyching themselves up to leave. I'm not leaving. I like our life together. But I'm embarrassed and ashamed that I can't have a normal adult sexual relationship.
Even if I was willing and able to leave, there is no guarantee that I would find someone else. In fact, I would rank the odds as an extreme long shot. Because of life long problems with depression, I am functionally impotent from the medications. My psychiatrist just shrugs at that. My regular doctor started to suggest ED drugs, but I told her not to bother, since I had nobody to have sex with anyway.
So even if I was willing to, I believe the accepted term here is 'outsource', I doubt if I could arrange it. I'm not tall, I'm not handsome, and I'm now middle-aged. Even assuming I was willing to suffer the embarrassment of obtaining and using ED drugs (some 18 year old with a bone through her nose hands me that package and asks me if I have any question...I see even a hint of a smirk, I'll have to kill her and everyone else in the pharmacy. It wouldn't end well). I would still have to work myself up for a task I haven't done in nearly 30 years...find someone to f**k. Just thinking about that, and the self esteem calamity that would ensue, leaves me exhausted.
so the question is something that I haven't seen discussed here; if you are in a sexless relationship and there really is no realistic chance of fixing that, how do you get to where it doesn't bother you so much?
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Post by baza on Jul 7, 2017 21:44:11 GMT -5
Well Brother jgb , you get to a point where you accept that your missus is who she is, that you are who you are, and that the marriage is what it is. At about that point, you cease taking inventory of your missus' faults You stop trying to manipulate / beg her into being something she is not. You don't blame her for the situation, as you are staying in the situation of your own free will. In short, you accept the situation. Now, if you can accept the situation without resentment, then you are on a winner. It is invariably the without resentment aspect that fucks up. Lots of people can "accept" the situation in some way. But to accept without resentment is beyond most people. It's the resentment that slowly poisons everything. Even the things in your marriage that today, you still regard as being good. |
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Post by beachguy on Jul 7, 2017 22:14:14 GMT -5
Just curious... If you KNOW your wife is not interested in YOU and you have no interest in coercing her into unwanted sex, why bring it up?
If it was just to agitate her, I understand completely.
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Post by beachguy on Jul 7, 2017 22:16:01 GMT -5
P.S. Perhaps you need a new psychiatrist?
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 7, 2017 22:18:11 GMT -5
Happiness is being content with what you have and not what you don't have.
I think it's good that you brought it up again to your wife, she should know it bothers you.
It would be nice if she would compromise and have sex once a month for regardless of her libido and if she was willing then get the script and who gives a fuck what the pharmacy tech thinks.
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Post by twotimesone on Jul 7, 2017 23:16:30 GMT -5
What's the problem with using ED drugs? I use Cialis before going to a provider all the time.
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Post by mrslowmaintenance on Jul 7, 2017 23:33:06 GMT -5
^^ I second this question... What's wrong with ED drugs?!
I think if a woman isn't mature enough to understand and be okay (and honestly, probably even happy) with their usage, then she is probably not worth your time as an outsource partner anyway.
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Post by hopingforachange on Jul 8, 2017 0:57:55 GMT -5
First, get the ED meds and give them a try, if even for your own person time.
Second, get a new psychiatrist, the fact that your brought up the ED issues means your ability to physically function means a lot to you
Third, the pharmacist gives out Ed meds all the time and gives out meds for much more embarrassing problems
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Post by lifeinwoodinville on Jul 8, 2017 2:02:51 GMT -5
I am 44 years old, 5' 5", weigh 220 pounds, I'm bald, average looking, I have Parkinson's disease, depression, and anxiety. I shake pretty much all the time to some degree, and about a quarter of my day I can barely walk. Four months ago a very hot sexy woman I met online and had a two and a half year online affair turned affair flew from 7000 miles away to meet me.
I assure you, there are women out there, they are married to guys that treat them like servants, ignore them, and abuse them. What they really want is someone who will love them, cherish them, and respect them. They are tired of selfish lovers who only think of themselves, they want a partner that cares about them. I know this for a fact. If you have a good heart and are willing to open it up and show them how much you appreciate them, you will find someone.
I know first hand how difficult depression can be to overcome. Get rid of the psychiatrist and find a new one that wants to help you. I'm on my third psychologist and I finally found one that works for me.
Oh, there is no getting over sexless marriage it's always going to bother you.
Best of luck to you.
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Post by DryCreek on Jul 8, 2017 2:42:38 GMT -5
I am 44 years old, 5' 5", weigh 220 pounds, I'm bald, average looking, I have Parkinson's disease, depression, and anxiety. I shake pretty much all the time to some degree, and about a quarter of my day I can barely walk. Four months ago a very hot sexy woman I met online and had a two and a half year online affair turned affair flew from 7000 miles away to meet me. Dude, I'm impressed! You're clearly making good use of your largest sex organ - your brain. |
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Post by baza on Jul 8, 2017 3:05:32 GMT -5
I am 44 years old, 5' 5", weigh 220 pounds, I'm bald, average looking, I have Parkinson's disease, depression, and anxiety. I shake pretty much all the time to some degree, and about a quarter of my day I can barely walk. Four months ago a very hot sexy woman I met online and had a two and a half year online affair turned affair flew from 7000 miles away to meet me. This is just a great post Brother lifeinwoodinville It makes the point quite emphatically, that if someone wants to fuck you, then whatever obstacles may get in the way, they will overcome them, and fuck you. And equally, if someone does not want to fuck you, they will not lift a finger to do so. Compare this attitude of an average avoidant spouse, who professes to love you, but won't fuck you "because the dog might hear", or similar piss weak "why" they can come up with. Compare the effort expended here by Mrs @lifeinwoodinvlle who has her spouse, under the same roof, even married to him, and can't be arsed fucking him. And there's a person, 7,000 miles distant who is prepared to expend a huge amount of effort for the express desire to fuck our Brother lifeinwoodinville |
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Jul 8, 2017 6:26:36 GMT -5
Hi JGB.
You have a lot to deal with so you have my deepest empathy.
ED is not any easy beast. There are quite a few communities out there with support, information and testimonials. Google pegym. Its a decent community for understanding the physiology of the penis as a sexual organ and the enhancement of it. In particular, there is quite an active and extensive subforum for ED on that site that goes back for years. Im sure there are other sites but that is one Im familar with.
To the mods, I hope Im not breaking any rules by suggesting the google search. ED can be devastating for the male psyche and I wanter to offer an avenue for further research and support. I tried to PM the OP directly but couldnt figure out how.
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Jul 8, 2017 6:31:31 GMT -5
Four months ago a very hot sexy woman I met online and had a two and a half year online affair turned affair flew from 7000 miles away to meet me. Bruh. Pics or it didnt happen. ;-) Kidding aside, that is quite the story. That is like seduction level 1000 reached. We're not worthy!!!! Thanks for sharing. |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2017 8:01:12 GMT -5
Antidepressants do more harm then good. Read Anatomy of an Epidemic..
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 8, 2017 11:54:32 GMT -5
There is no shame in taking cialis. It's normal for sexually active men who are older. That's what I was told by a sexually experienced woman friend when I jumped back into dating at age 60 while divorcing my refuser.
First and only partner I have had since then told me our first sexual encounter that he uses it. I was happy he likes sex and can perform. When he got on it he didn't have a partner, but noticed he was having ed. He immediately went to his doctor and got help. Said he didn't feel embarrassed. "The doctor works for me."
Since then, his insurance stopped paying for it. A month's supply costs him $600. He got his doctor to give samples. We heard one can buy prescription meds at pharmacies in Mexico just by asking.
We went to Mexico (cost for airfare, hotel, entertainment and meals for both of us was only about $1600 total). My partner speaks no Spanish. I wondered how he'd get the meds. He walked into a pharmacy, went up to the gray haired woman pharmacist and said, "cialis?" With sign language and help from my elementary Spanish and the woman's elementary English, he got 4 month's supply for about $320.
Where there is a will, there is a way for people who love sex and feel they deserve it.
Also, since your psychiatrist doesn't value your sexual needs, you could get a more understanding doctor or convince your psychiatrist to give you a different medication. Not all antidepressants cause ed or lower libido. However, SMS do cause depression and lower lubido
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